Mr Slowdeath
by orchidluv
Summary: Bella becomes a heroin addict after being abandoned by the people she loved the most. How in the world will she get herself out of this predicament and does she even want to? AU Twific Rated M for Mature Content. Drug abuse warning!
1. Mr Slowdeath

**As always: DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fanfiction using characters from the Twilight world, which is trademarked by Stephenie Meyer. I do not claim ownership of the characters or the world that I'm playing with. This is a work of my twisted imagination and is not purported or believed to be part of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight canon. This story is for entertainment purposes only. I am not profiting financially from the creation or publication of this story or any of the others that I post.**

 **Bella becomes a heroin addict after being abandoned by the people she loved the most. Rated M for Mature Content. AU Twi-Uverse. The name of the title is from a song by Butcher Babies.**

 **Use and abuse of drugs is strong in this story. If you struggle with addiction or know someone who is, please contact 1-877-998-9897 or visit www . drugabuse . com (without the spaces) and seek the help you need.**

 **Mr. Slowdeath**

The front door slammed shut after I crossed the threshold. Work was a bitch every day but today it seemed like everything was out to get me. The coffee pots wouldn't stop overflowing, the sugar jar broke when I tried to twist the top off to fill it, the customers were complete ass munchers. Working in retail was not fun in the least.

Well, unless Maggie was working. The adorable, Irish vampire kept me on my toes all day long with witty retorts and sneaky pranks. She only worked 4 days a week though and today was not one of those days. When Maggie applied to the convenience store and got hired, I almost quit on the spot. How Mrs. Mallory couldn't see that there was something odd about the orange haired _Caoimhe_ , I couldn't fathom. There was no way I would be able to deal with having an invasion of vampires again. Of course, being a supernatural being with heightened senses, Maggie knew I feared her and cornered me the second day we worked together after keeping a keen eye on me throughout the shift.

The clouds hung densely in the air outside the store and I had never been more thankful that Steve, Mrs. Mallory's husband, had gotten the air conditioning fixed before summer set in. Last summer he hadn't bothered because 'it's Forks' and it doesn't get hot enough. Yes well, that's only if you don't work in a stifling, tiny convenience store that cooks food on an almost constant basis!

As I was shelving chips on the rack and going through expiration dates, Maggie approached me with extreme caution. My heart leapt into my throat and my breathing sped up. Each step she took closer to me had me almost hyperventilating as flashes of the Cullens and Edward appeared in my mind. I swallowed hard in horrified anticipation. Her first day and most of today she had avoided me, knowing I was scared to death of her so why in the fuck was she coming to me now? I stood from my task and looked around the store, seeing if maybe she needed help with a customer but the place was empty.

With her hands up in supplication, Maggie smiled timidly and in her thick Irish accent, spoke quietly. "There's no need to fear me, lass. I promise you won't get nothing banjaxed from me." Her voice was a deep alto with a husky edge to it, making her sound seductive without trying.

A bag of chips was still in my hand and the noise it made when my fingers flexed seemed loud in the otherwise quiet store. To Maggie though, I'm sure between the air conditioning unit, the frialator, my arrhythmia and heavy breathing, it sounded like an earthquake was happening. The short, inhumanly beautiful Irish woman continued to stare at me with her strange blue-purple eyes and I knew I should probably answer her, though she didn't technically ask me a question. Anything was better than staring at her like a loon, I suppose.

"Um, yeah. Okay." I stuttered with a blush.

"Why do I scare you so?" She asked, taking a step toward me, standing underneath the air vent. The cool, blowing air caused her sweet Heather and moss scent to billow toward me, her long, tight orange curls ruffling in the fake breeze. Her body language told me she was trying to come off as soothing but I still felt like a rabbit in the crosshairs of a jaguar.

I couldn't tell her about my experience with vampires. There was no way I could let her know what I'd been through or even that I had an iota of clue to what she was. Unfortunately, the knowledge lay in her eyes and I knew that my heartbeat and erratic breathing had outed me if the looks on my face hadn't.

"Shit." I muttered as I placed the last chip bag on the rack and looked at my new co-worker. Taking a fortifying breath, I met her eyes. Just as I was about to out myself further and give her my explanation, Maggie held up a hand.

"Not here." Her eyes darted to the cameras and my previous suspicions that there was audio as well as video being recorded was confirmed. I nodded silently. "Just wanted to reassure ya that I won't be giving you any trouble."

Was she giving me an out? She wasn't going to kill me? It was extremely obvious to me that she feeds from humans. The contacts were a poor rendition of 'normal' and though others may find it adorable, I knew the terrifying truth of why she wore them. Nodding her head to me, Maggie returned to the front of the store when the bell rang, notifying us that someone had entered. I stood there in a daze for several more minutes until an order was called in, trying to shake myself from my mind.

I needed to chase the dragon but there was still _some_ morals left in me. I don't use when I'm at work. The rest of the day passed with silent, sneaky -yeah right- glances at the vampire and she was a good sport about it. Maggie pretended not to notice my not-so-subtle stares and continued on with work until the end of our shift. When we closed the store for the night, I thought for sure she would trap me into telling her what I knew but just like her first day, she waved with a bright smile, careful not to show her scary teeth, and went on her merry way.

The next few times we worked together, my nerves eased up because she never brought up how I knew about vampires, though it had to be painfully obvious that I did. She simply made friends with me and as leery as I was to do so at first, I learned that Maggie Ó Ceallaigh was a delightful person. One other time she cornered me and for some reason, even after being placated that she wouldn't hound me for my knowledge of her world, I was scared again. Scared because every time she came near me, images of the other vampires that had been in my life manifested in my mind's eye and left me a quivering mess.

I should have been scared, but for a completely different reason.

Her nostrils flared and her delicate orange eyebrows dipped to the bridge of her nose in a scowl. "Young lass, I'll tell you one thing right now. You're going to get help or so help me God, I'll turn you myself so you can't continue to kill yourself." The words were growled deep in her chest as she walked me to my car at the end of the night and I pressed myself to the driver's side door with an indignant expression.

Obviously she could smell the smack had been running through my veins and felt that since we were friends now, she could tell me what to do.

"What I do on my own time is my business." I said as confidently as I could, trying to stifle the tremor in my voice. My fingers shook as I fumbled with my car keys. It didn't pass my attention that she threatened to change me into a vampire. Did she take the change that lightly? I remember the Cullens being all righteous about it, like it was the last case scenario. Would I even _want_ to become a vampire now?

"You and I have a lot to discuss. I cannot let you belt yourself just because you're bolloxed up!"

"It's a damn good thing that it isn't your business then." Quickly unlocking my car and jumping in, I keyed the ignition and spun out of the dirt parking lot. I knew that had Maggie wanted to, she could have stopped me and forced me to listen to her but she didn't.

After that, she would give me a stern lecture every time I saw her. I ignored her and she would stomp her foot with a 'Snobby Weather!', to which I would laugh from the kitchen of the convenience store. Her slang was so hilarious sometimes. We quickly formed a bond that was tentative at first with her lectures and my indignance and solidified into something more the longer we worked together. She kept me smiling and made the workday bearable.

Except today. She wasn't there and everything went wrong. The auto lock slid into place when the door slammed shut and I stomped my way down the empty hall to my bedroom where my stash was hidden. The spoon was dirty but I didn't care. The scat was left out, unprotected, but I didn't care. Ripping off my long sleeved shirt, I sat in my bra and jeans and smoothed my hand down my forearm, smacking at the inside of my elbow before getting my shot ready. Grabbing my shirt and using the sleeve to wrap tightly around my arm, I injected the H into my vein and immediately let go of the syringe. It hung off my skin, the head of the needle still inside of me, as I laid back onto my pillow and turned on my side.

The euphoric high raced through my body, making my mind sluggish which was exactly the antidote to the stress in my life. There were no thoughts of Edward and his family, no worries about the damn coffee pots at work, or thoughts of Maggie and all the reminders she brings with her presence alone. Only a pleasurable feeling that cascaded me into a dreamless sleep.

Hours later, in the wee hours of the morning, I came to and opened my eyes, blinking the drowsy sleep from them. Blearily looking around my quaint, messy bedroom, I let awareness envelop me before I even attempted to get up. Noticing that I hadn't vomited was a bonus, I cleaned up from my latest escapade. After a shower, I tossed the dirty clothes on the floor along with the shirt I had used as a tourniquet. Wading through the balled up papers and other mounds of dirty laundry on the floor, I left my bedroom to find sustenance. I was scheduled off for the next two days and made a note to clean my home. The tiny duplex sat on the outskirts of Forks near Shuwah on Gaykeski Drive by the Sol Duc River. When Charlie was gunned down in a robbery outside Misty Valley Inn B n' B, I used the life insurance money to put his house up for sale and buy the duplex. After moving in, I put up the other half of the place for rent and was pleased when a reclusive female came to call. I never saw hide nor hair of her and it was perfect for me. I got the rent on time and didn't have to deal with children or males. It was a very small building, each side only having 2 small bedrooms, living room, eat in kitchen, and a bathroom; with moss colored siding with cream trim. It had been newly updated which had drawn my eye in the first place and on the opposite side of town of La Push. I hadn't wanted to be anywhere near my ex-best friend who had left me high and dry after promising never to leave me. It's been nearly 2 years since I've even spoken to him.

Living alone without any friends got lonely but so long as my dude continued to supply my habit and I didn't have to deal with outsiders, I was content in my solitude. My dude actually delivered to my house once every month with bars large enough for me to deal with on my own. The rent from next door kept me abreast on the situation which meant the money I received from work went straight into the bank account along with Charlie's pension. I hate to think about my father. When I think about him, I remember how I let him down during the last few months of his life. I remember how Mom blamed me for his death, stating that if I hadn't been as comatose a vegetable then my father's mind would have been on the job and not on me. I remember how I'm nothing anymore. That Jake, Jess, Ang, and even Mike Newton thought I was nothing. Worthless. Even Mrs. Newton fired me. Everyone felt just like Edward had before he decided to break my heart deep in the wilderness of the Forks forest.

The all-too familiar stabbing pain of abandonment pierced my heart and I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep my ribs from splitting out of my body.

"Just a pinch." I said out loud. "Nothing serious."

It didn't matter how often I reminded myself that there was no reason to believe Edward, it didn't ring true. How could it when everyone else left me? My friends had decided that I wasn't worth trying to talk sense into, instead choosing to leave me to my own devices. Jake had been the only one there for me and the _day after_ he promised never to hurt me, never to leave me...He did. So how could I recognize my own words as truths when they were so clearly lies?

My bare feet took me down the empty hallway once more without conscious thought as they always did when my brain got overwhelmed from the pain. The familiar motions of liquidizing the small chunk of bar eased me. Stuffing a cottonball onto the spoon and sticking the needle into it, I pulled the plunger out, watching the cotton act as a filter for impurities in the sugar. Once it was filled, I set the spoon down and lifted the syringe needle side up and flicked the plastic to rid the bubbles. After I was sure I wouldn't get an aneurysm -though that would probably be a good way to go- I stabbed my vein quickly, pulling the needle out and releasing the tourniquet. Just a pinch. That was all I needed. Stumbling out of the bedroom, I tripped more than usual as the high consumed me. The walls seemed more like waves as I tried to get to the kitchen. I needed something to drink. I didn't end up making it to the kitchen before I landed on my face at the entry, my nose bleeding onto the light blue linoleum as I passed out.

"Ugh." I moaned as I tilted my forehead on hard, cold floor. My nose throbbed and pulsed as I lifted my head and I knew I would need painkillers of the OTC kind.

Standing up, I stumbled my way to the bathroom to view the damage and winced when I came face to face with a ghost. My eyes were hollow without the mask of makeup and they looked dead. Blood caked my upper lip in trails from my nostrils before running over my right cheek where I'd passed out. Grabbing a washcloth, I scrubbed my face clean with coconut scented soap and then brushed out my hair. I didn't look any better but I felt it. Since I didn't have to work, I didn't bother with putting on my mask and headed to the kitchen with the same damp cloth to clean the blood off the floor. Tossing the rag in my bedroom to land where it wanted as I went in, I stripped my tee from the sweat-damp one I was wearing and pulled on a black tank top. The a/c was set to 75 to take the worst of the heat off and still not be overly chilly. I slipped on a pair of thin flannel pajama pants and sat heavily on the couch, wondering if I should bother cleaning or not.

The house stunk to high heaven though. The odors of rotting food came from the kitchen, stale clothes from the bedroom, molding coffee in the living room. The windows were grimy and the floors were sticky. Even the couch stuck to my back when I leaned against the cushions. Slamming my head into the cushions, I groaned quietly in procrastination. All I wanted to do was laze about staring at the computer or television before I could get high again. I liked giving myself some awareness time before injecting again because I didn't like the muddled feeling that enveloped my head all the time. I only needed it when times got too rough in my brain. Or when Maggie reminded me of people I'd rather forget.

That was one thing I really couldn't stand about how he had left me. " _The human mind is a sieve_." Fucking liar. I was never forgetting him, unfortunately. Even the heroin wasn't going to help that...At least not when I wasn't in the throes of a high. I could only be thankful that it made his voice disappear.

Deciding that I could kill two birds with one stone, I put the television on Gilmore Girls reruns and got my ass up. The house really could use a good douching. Grabbing the vacuum, I started with that. I used to be such a clean freak; never liking my clothes to be wrinkled, keeping the house dusted and sparkling. After the Cullens left and then when Charlie died, I stopped caring. I got out of my father's house as quick as I could to get away from the memories, both good and bad, and made a life for myself. Granted, it wasn't a good life. I had a part time job that lingered closer to full time hours than not, my own home, my own car, no friends, and a heroin addiction. Putting the vacuum away, I grabbed the Pledge and a dust cloth, going to town on the small amount of knick knacks and photos I had as well as the furniture.

I remember the first time I tried H like it was yesterday. After traveling to Seattle, intent on finding a local bookstore and more furniture for my new place and realizing I was being chased by Victoria, I ducked into a crowded supermarket and dialed Jake. It was the only thing I could think to do in my terrified state of mind. He hadn't talked to me for a few months, stating that he couldn't be my friend anymore. It had killed me because Charlie had died only a few weeks before and Jake was literally the only thing holding me together. Billy had answered and I could hear the reluctance in his tone before he heard how scared I was and he called out for Jake. I heard a muffled few words exchanged before my old best friend greeted me over the line warily.

"Jake, I need help! I'm being followed and I can't leave!" I knew in my frantic state of mind that I shouldn't be bringing him into danger with me. It would have probably been better to let Victoria get me and be done with it but for some reason my sense of self preservation had come on full force.

"What's going on, Bells?" He asked and for a moment it sounded like he was really concerned. My heart cracked at the use of my nickname.

"She's coming to get me, Jake! I'm going to die!" My harsh, horror filled whisper rent the air around me and down through the connection on the phone before a sharp inhale was heard.

"Who." Jake demanded authoritatively.

I couldn't very well tell Jake about vampires. He'd have me locked up for sure and with Charlie gone, he was the only one I cared about anymore, even if he didn't care about me. I went with the most believable thing I could think of at the moment, which in hindsight was actually pretty stupid and I realize he had every right not to believe me.

"I have a stalker, Jake. She's threatened to kill me and now she's followed me."

Apparently my angst had been enough to get Jake moving because I heard his Rabbit start up. "I'm on my way, Bells. Where are you?"

"Seattle. At the Big Mart on Lexington." I told him frantically. I knew it was a four hour drive and I would have to hole up here the whole time but I didn't care. So long as the psycho vampire didn't go and kill every human here to get to me, I would be safe.

I heard the screech of tires before the car door slammed shut, signalling that he was no longer in the car. "Jesus Christ, you couldn't be further away could you!" He cried angrily. "I'll be there soon."

As I was about to protest, because how the hell would he be here soon if he wasn't driving, he broke the connection and I was left clutching my cell until the dial tone disrupted my fear. How the fuck was I going to make it out of this alive? I got ahold of myself from the corner of the bathroom stall in which I'd called him from and splashed water on my face at the sink. White as a ghost, my eyes were wide and scared, my fingers shaking as I toweled off my face. Leaning against the porcelain sink in the public bathroom, I took a few deep, steadying breaths before pushing off and heading for the door. The bustle of people in the busy supermarket left me feeling a little more secure and I lost myself to window shopping as I strolled around. My heart was still racing though and every time I saw her flaming red hair dance outside or on the skylight at the top of the store, I felt like I would suffocate. She was teasing me with her sneering grins and little finger waves. I was like a mouse in a cage that she was toying with.

It had been about an hour and a half before I sat on the bench at the back of the store by the restrooms, waiting for time to pass. I still had so long before Jake would be here and I was so thankful he was coming. Leaning my head against the wall behind me, I stared up at the skylight. Normally in stores, the skylights are foggy to let light in yet to keep it from shining too brightly on the shoppers. These ones though were clear as day, freshly washed and sparkling, like the ones at large malls so shoppers could watch the dark gray clouds as they floated by. I bet it was entrancing to watch the rain pour down on it.

I don't know how long I sat there, fretting and staring but suddenly, Victoria's triumphant face appeared on the other side of the skylight and I gasped in fright as she waved at me from above. Hating to take my eyes off her but needing to see if anyone was around, I realized that I was indeed in a rarely used part of the store and looked up at her with defeat. At least if she was going to grab me, no one else would get hurt. Though my stomach twisted and my heart lodged itself in my throat so I couldn't scream, I let fate decide for me. There was no way I could outrun her and if I tried to head for a more crowded area, I knew she would just follow me until she got me alone again.

Fuck it.

Nodding my head at her, I saw her lips pull into a crooked sneer and she balled her hand into a fist, preparing to smash the thick plexiglass to gain access to my delicious blood. Before her hand could make contact however, she looked up, ahead of herself, her eyes widening with horror and realization before a thick, dark red animal of some sort collided with her. The animal knocked her out of my view but the rumble on the roof of the supermarket was loud as thunder and shook the place like an earthquake. Which is exactly what people thought as they started to scramble and holler out. The lights flickered and an alarm was blaring, forcing me to cover my ears even as I ran through the store toward the front, keeping an eye on the ceiling and skylights for the red haired demon or the red furred animal.

What kind of animal could move a vampire like that? It literally knocked her out of the way and seemed to tackle her if the sounds from the roof were any indication. People scurried and shoved as they screamed and fought their way out the doors of the store in a panic while I continued to hold my hands over my ears and search above me. I saw a flash of red fur near the front of the building's skylight and stopped my feet, staring at the sky. Victoria didn't follow the animal and there was no more noise -aside from the people rushing away. The lights stopped flickering but the alarm kept blaring and I heard one employee on the phone with the police. She was reporting an earthquake with other employees gathered around her to corroborate her story. My hands fell from my ears as the manager unlocked an electrical box and switched off the alarm fuse. The store was a ghost town now, with forgotten shopping carts and overturned kiosk aisles. It was a mess and I started walking toward the exit in a daze. Now that the store was practically empty, there was no reason for Victoria to hold off her attack on me.

The automatic doors split open for my departure and I stood outside and to the right of them, waiting for the vindictive vampire to make her move. A whiff of smoke caught my attention and I looked around before looking up. It looked as if the smoke was coming from the building and I ran out to the middle of the parking lot to see what was going on.

"Shit!" I ran back inside and reported the black fire to the manager of the store who got back on the phone with the police to report it.

When I got back outside and walked to the middle of the parking lot again, making sure I was out of the way of fire trucks and police cruisers as they started showing up, I noticed the flames were purple. They rose high in the sky and only in one point on the building and I wondered what the hell was burning up there. The scent, as it blew my way, was sweet, almost sickly.

It couldn't be Victoria. Would animal fur burn purple? Surely the thing that tackled her wasn't strong enough to beat her -or set her on fire if it had- so maybe animal fur was the explanation? I racked my brain but the only thing that made sense was vampire. Maybe she had an accomplice that she decided she didn't need anymore. It was a risk, certainly, to burn him here and cause all of this attention.

"There you are!" Jake's relieved voice shocked me and I spun, throwing myself into his arms, forgetting I was mad at him. "You're okay now. I promise, nothing will hurt you now."

His words didn't make sense and reminded me why I was mad all at once. Pushing away from him, I laughed humorlessly. "Oh yes, you and your promises." Looking around and not seeing his car, I said, "So how are we getting back?" I knew I was being rude, he'd come all this way but I was angry with him and running on fumes after this encounter. Not to mention I wasn't sure that was Victoria burning up there at all.

"I'll drive your car." He grabbed my hand and I got towed behind him as he walked a fast pace, now mad at me for snapping at him. "This is the thanks I get." He grumbled as he pulled open the door of the old brown Honda and shoved me inside. "You're welcome." He growled.

As he stalked around the truck to the driver's side, I stuck my tongue out at him with a scowl as I buckled. When he slid into his seat and cranked the engine, he spoke more calmly. "So you were being stalked? She didn't happen to have red hair, did she?" He asked, seemingly innocent.

My breath caught in my throat. If he'd seen her then that means she's still around. "Um...yeah. Yes. Why?" I stuttered anxiously, twining my fingers in my lap.

He glared to himself as he pulled out of the parking lot and directed the car toward Forks. The trip was going to be a long one and I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to handle this after not speaking with him for so long. "I ran into her." At my strangled noise, he placated me with a staying hand on my forearm. "Don't worry. Someone else got to her before she realized I was going to chase her off."

I wasn't sure why but his words sounded off to me. I knew Jake so well, a direct result of spending all that time with him after I was left in the woods. He couldn't lie for shit, like me. I gave him a skeptical raise of my eyebrow and he sighed.

"I'm serious." Though his tone was still too high for me to believe him.

"And what happened? How do you know I'm safe now?" I asked, remembering him telling me I was not going to be hurt again.

"The guy who cornered her attacked her and killed her." He shrugged like it was no big deal.

This didn't make any sense.

"You watched her die." I said more than asked, my voice suspicious. If Jake watched Victoria die then he knew she wasn't a human being. She would probably look more like a moving mannequin getting torn apart. No blood, no tissue…

"Mhmm." He nodded as he continued to drive. "Watched her get set on fire too." There was a hint of pride in his voice and eyes and I stared at him for a long time. Still, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't figure out what he was talking about and when I asked him to elaborate, he ignored me, seemingly back to the stoic asshole Sam Uley turned him into. The only thing I could actually be grateful for -besides Jake's heroics- was the fact that Victoria was toast. I was able to breathe a sigh of relief.

The rest of the four hour drive was silent while I brooded and Jake looked angry. The abrupt mood change had done things to my head and by the time we were parked outside my duplex, I hopped out with a quiet thank you and slammed the passenger's door of the car. Jake got out and tossed me my keys from a few feet away and I managed to still drop them. Scowling at his retreating back, I grumbled, assuming I would talk to him and get him to open up in a few days. I never did get any furniture and I desperately needed at least a few end tables so I decided to go to Sequim instead. Seattle would be avoided for a while at least. Unfortunately, I took a few wrong turns on my way out of the furniture store and ended up in a shitty part of town. My stomach didn't care, however, and decided that I was hungry. I found a hole in the wall Chinese place that served until 11pm and hoped they wouldn't be too mad that I was arriving at 10 minutes till closing.

Parking my beat up car at the curb outside the dingy restaurant, I walked in timidly. A scowl from the woman at the register told me I should turn around and leave but my stomach rumbled, pushing me forward. The dark green laminate counter had flecks of gold on it, making it look more like it was dirty than giving it character. The countertop was cluttered with papers, menus, and even crumbs from previous customers and sported one of those large Lucky Cats that waved its arm too and fro constantly.

Speaking in choppy English, the lady at the counter continued to scowl at me as she asked what she could do for me. A small glass fridge sat at the end of the counter and I noticed a mason jar full of their signature duck sauce. Beside the fridge sat a selection of pre-bagged chow mein wide noodles. Deciding not to piss her off anymore by actually placing an order, I snatched a jar of duck sauce and two large bags of noodles. It was my favorite appetizer when sitting in a Chinese restaurant so I figured snacking on that would make for a happy tummy while I drove the 45 minutes home. As she rang me up, her scowl faded and she thanked me tersely until a heavyset man came out of the back. Her eyes widened comically before she plastered a fake ass smile on her face and thanked me profusely.

"Please, come again. You try egg noodle next time." She said overly happily.

I smiled and nodded as the man rounded the corner and seemed to be heading straight for me. He made me nervous; with the slightly maniacal gleam in his eye. His dirty white shirt clung to his sweaty, rounded body. A filthy, hand printed apron was tied around his waist and hung over his flour covered black pants. Though he wore a mesh baseball cap on his head, I could tell his longish black hair was greasy and in need of a washing. As he extended his hand toward me, I couldn't help but notice the track marks on his arms.

"You be new girl?" He asked in the same choppy English as the lady behind the counter. My eyes went to her and she immediately turned her stare somewhere else, busying herself with the paperwork that was scattered on the counter. A grunt from him had her scurrying to the front door, locking it and flipping the sign from open to closed.

The feeling of uncertainty swirled into a ball of dread in the pit of my stomach.

"Um...yes?" I asked more than stated because yes, I'd never been here before so I would be new.

Nodding his head as if expecting the answer, he jerked his chin toward the back and turned. "Follow me." He said in his deep voice.

Looking longingly at the door, I saw a small girl who looked sickly hanging out by the front of the restaurant with a similarly longing look. Her eyes were deep set and she had black bags under her eyes. Her stringy brown hair hung around her shoulders like mine did and her skin was very pale. We kind of did look similar so I figured she was who he was looking for. As I opened my mouth to say something, the lady behind the counter cleared her throat and shook her head frantically. I wondered if the man was an abuser of some type the way she was acting so I kept my mouth shut and followed his greasy stench. I followed him through the kitchen which surprisingly was sparkling clean, and down a hallway to a black door. Opening the door, the man let me pass through first before gesturing to a spot in the center of the small, dark room. It looked like it used to be a stock room of some sort with faded, stained linoleum flooring and old shelving marks but now it held an old brown desk and a couple of filing cabinets. The man sat heavily in the computer chair behind the desk and groaned as he reached into the bottom drawer.

Setting a bag of something on the desk, he stared at me. A few minutes went by before he realized I was just staring at the bag unsurely.

"You want, yes?" He demanded more than asked and I knew if I said no, something bad would happen to me. Something told me this man didn't like to have his time wasted.

 _Hurry up._

I gasped and brought my eyes to the man. Edward's voice jerked me into action and I nodded my head. I wasn't sure what could happen but I knew that it wasn't good.

"60 this time so price go up. $25." He said, holding the bag in his hand as if weighing it. I wasn't sure what kind of bracket he was using as I had no idea what he was holding. I wasn't dumb enough to question whether it was drugs or not. That much was obvious.

Cocaine? Heroin? Ugh, what did I get myself into?

Quickly grabbing my wallet and snatching $30 out of it since I didn't have a $5 bill, I handed the man the money and he thrust the bag into my hand without giving me change. It was light and full of a fine powder substance. I figured it was heroin, having been reading the news online lately. I'd heard about the intense high and euphoria that came from taking a needle to the arm. Pocketing the bag, I backed out of the room as the man stood.

"Hey girl." He said, his voice softer than it had been. "You be careful. You have clean needles?" He asked, seemingly concerned which baffled me since he just gruffly sold me 60 _somethings_ of heroin.

Shaking my head, I knew I must look like a deer in the headlights of a semi. Sighing heavily, he reached into another drawer, drawing another groan from his large chest. He handed me a pack of sterile needles with caps on them and then shooed me out the door. He followed me back out to the front where he unlocked the door. The lady was nowhere in sight. Neither was the strung out girl outside.

"Go home. No overdose." He warned.

Nodding my head wordlessly, I scurried to my car, struggling to unlock it. Once I was inside, I locked the car again so no one could get in while I was frantically trying to put everything in its place. The mason jar ended up on the floor with the chips with how fast I took the first few turns out of town and by the time I was on the highway toward Forks, I was nearly hyperventilating. Rolling my window down a few inches, I inhaled the cool air deeply. My nerves were shot. I couldn't believe I'd just done a drug deal. Oh boy, if Jake could see me now. Stumbling into my duplex at nearly 1am, I went straight into the kitchen, thankful for the auto lock on the front door, and pulled down my spice scale. I had started growing my own herbs and liked to measure them perfectly before jarring them. The GEMINI-20 scale told me that he indeed gave me 60 MilliGrams of heroin and I almost had a heart attack.

Wasn't a normal dose something like 0.1 grams? How was I supposed to figure this out? I had no clue. Besides, was I even contemplating this? I should just toss it in the garbage and forget about it.

 _Do that. Throw it away._

"Oh, shut the fuck up." I grumbled out loud to his echoing voice.

 _That_ was why I was contemplating it. Because everywhere I went, I heard him. Even after losing Jake, Jess, Angela, Mike, and Charlie and Renee, I still heard Edward. Deciding that I could afford to lose myself in some kind of pleasurable euphoria, I looked up online how to do this without killing myself on the first go. Grabbing a spoon and opening one of the sterile needles, I searched the cupboards for a multi-purpose lighter. I went straight to my room, forgetting all about my purchases and lights. Wrapping a shoelace around my arm like I'd seen phlebotomists do with rubber bands, I tied it tightly and then extended my arm and tapped the vein to bulge it up. With a shaking hand, I lifted the needle to the vein and closed my eyes to take a deep breath. Opening my eyes, I gritted my teeth and pushed the sharp needle through the translucent skin of my inner elbow with a squeak of protest leaving my lips. I shot the white-hot liquid into my veins and groaned as I felt it flow through me, killing the pain I suffered from.

 _Why…_

Edward's scolding voice faded away as the blissful feeling took over my skin. I felt like I was floating on air on my back, as if it had turned into waves and was gently swaying me to and fro in a sea of clouds. I felt my lips pull into a silly smile as I fell back onto my bed. I remember reading somewhere that sometimes a person can puke during a high so I sluggishly turned onto my side and felt my eyes flutter closed. The needle slipped from my fingers and landed on the sheets beside me and I sighed happily.

This was the best I'd felt in months. The best I'd felt since I'd turned 18 years old. If I could feel like this, I can get over Edward and his family way faster and it won't hurt. I drifted off to sleep with a smile and didn't dream for the first time in a long time.

I was jerked out of my memories by the buzzing of the dryer and I stood up from where I'd been lounging on the couch. Gilmore Girls still played on in the background as I trudged to the bathroom to switch the laundry over; clean clothes in the basket, wet clothes in the dryer, another load of dirty into the washer. This is my third round and I was glad it's the last. I carried the clean basket of clothes to the living room and proceeded to fold them meticulously before putting them away where they belonged. During my reminiscing of the past, I had managed to clean the whole house, top to bottom and I was pleased it smelled so much better. When I wasn't high or coming down from a big high, I was able to realize how much I hated living like a pig. A lot of times though, I would just inject myself again to forget it existed at all.

Since the moment I'd first started doing heroin, I hadn't heard Edward's voice at all. It was a blessing because by the time I started, I'd been sick of it. Sure, I'd done everything I could when I was with Jake to hear it but after losing everyone and having only his scolding, velvety perfect voice in my ear, I couldn't handle it. It was almost like the H cured me from my psychosis. I would take whatever I could get. At first, every couple of weeks, I would go back to that man in Sequim until he hooked me up with a man closer to home. I didn't realize that people kept this stuff so close to home but now that I knew the signs, I could tell that a lot more people than I'd thought, used.

I made myself supper as the last load of clothes went into the dryer and sat down to eat it. I hadn't realized how hungry I was. It's easy to skip meals when all you do is work or get high. Sometimes I think I should switch to marijuana but that's not going to kill me so I keep on shooting up. If I wasn't such a pansy I would just overdose or let myself fall asleep on my back but I am. I can't, in my coherent mind, let myself commit suicide. For some reason, I feel like I have to live. It doesn't make sense to me but my body will not allow me to disuse the horse or lay on my back. As stupid as it sounds, it's almost like my body knows I'm waiting for something.

Or someone.

I shudder as I place my plate in the sink and wash it. The mac and cheese sits in a lump in my stomach so I pour a glass of my favorite brand of soda and chug it, hoping the bubbles break up the food faster. This was why it sucked having to be sober. The memories, the pain, the reluctance to live. I have no friends, no one cares about me, my dad is dead. What's the fucking point? How am I supposed to get better when I don't even _want_ to get better? There's nothing for me to get better for. Heading to the bathroom, knowing I need a shower and I'd rather get in clean sheets with a clean body, I strip in front of the full length mirror that's hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Something I don't normally do because I'm so sickly thin, I glance at myself, feeling disgusted. My small breasts are less than a handful, my stomach is inverted and my collarbone protrudes grossly. Even though my hair is down to my hips now because I don't care enough to even get it trimmed, it hangs in thin, dull strands. Not even the sun can get it to shine anymore...Not that the sun shines often in Forks. The bags under my eyes are dark purple, black like the girl's I'd seen outside the Chinese restaurant almost 2 years ago and I know I've fallen as far as she had.

Turning away from the mirror in revulsion, I climb into the shower, shivering because I didn't set the temperature right. Adjusting it, I wash myself robotically before getting out, towelling off, and dropping into bed completely naked.

 ** _Thoughts?_ Please leave a review! **


	2. Cover Your Face

**Warning: Extreme drug use, OOC characters, Alternate Universe Twi-fic. Rated M for Mature Content.**

 **Please note: Heroin is an addiction. An addiction is a disease. Diseases need to be _treated_.**

 **Onward!**

o.o

 **Jake POV:**

Wrenching the fridge door open, I leaned down to grab a carton of orange juice and poured it into a cup. My bare foot held the door open as I poured and I relished in the cool breeze that wafted from the appliance. Replacing the carton and shutting the fridge, I gulped the tangy juice down and smacked my lips satisfyingly. My father was using his trapeze to hike himself up out of bed and I grimaced. I wasn't getting along with him too well these days.

I wasn't getting along with anyone, really.

Everyone got on my nerves and the only people I could really vent to were Embry and Quil. They'd been my rocks ever since they learned what my anger issue stemmed from. At first they weren't very sympathetic to my cause seeing as the main damsel in distress had been in a relationship with ticks. However, after some time, they came around and returned to the best friends they'd been since we were all in diapers. I pulled out a rickety chair from the kitchen table and flopped down into it as Dad wheeled himself down the hallway and into the small bathroom we shared. He grunted and groaned as his muscles woke up and then I heard him sliding from his chair and onto the toilet.

Rachel and Paul were at his dad's house for the day, having left bright and early -earlier than me and that's saying something because I'm usually up by 5am- to help Troy Lahote move out. He was heading to Tacoma, having found himself a hot piece of white ass to trail after.

If only I could do the same.

It's been almost 2 fucking years and I can't get Sam to lift the gag order. As soon as I phased, he ordered me away from Bella Swan; my own hot piece of white ass. I was not to approach her for any reason, simply cut my best friend from my life forever while he got to live in perfect harmony with his precious imprint, Emily, and Bella was definitely not my imprint. I hadn't cared about that. I _still_ don't care about that. The one time I was able to see Bella, she'd been terrified out of her mind and my dad had called Sam to let him lift part of the Alpha order. I was under strict orders to help her and get her home, nothing else. He'd even sent Paul to supervise in wolf form. We conversed a little and it almost seemed like old times for a second but then she had to ask me questions and my tongue was literally tied to the roof of my mouth. A mouth that rotted with the stench of the truth. Truth that would send Bella screaming in the other direction which pissed me off to no end because my _best friend_ had been dating my mortal -immortal- enemy!

The orange juice spilled out of the big plastic cup I slammed down onto the table and I swiped at the tangy liquid with a large hand. My dad rolled his wheelchair up to the kitchen table and quirked an eyebrow at me.

"I think it's time you stop being so damn angry about this, Jacob. It's been long enough and you've got your own imprint to pay attention to." He started. His rumbling baritone echoed through the small spaces of our home and I rolled my eyes.

It was the same old fucking story every time I had a 'fit' as he liked to call it.

"It's not long enough! Bella wouldn't just abandon me and here I am, my wolf trying to force me to love someone I never even met while my best friend kills herself and I can't do a goddamn thing about it!" I growled angrily, clenching one hand into a fist in my lap to keep myself from smashing it into the table. The antique had more than enough screws holding it together from many of my previous outbursts.

"Until you learn to control yourself, you'll never be able to take Alpha…"

"I don't want Alpha!" I roared as I threw myself away from the table. My chest heaved with fury and I ran my hand through my cropped hair agitatedly. It was the same old thing every fucking time and I was sick of it. Billy was dating Sue now and Rachel was living in her bedroom again with Paul. I am not needed here anymore. Stomping from the kitchen, I ranted as I threw my bedroom door opened and started shoving clothes into a torn duffle bag. "I don't want to be the Alpha of a pack of wolves I never wanted to be apart of in the first place. I don't want to be held here by some maniacal power hungry asshole who gets his kicks telling teenagers how to live their lives. I don't want to be the Chief to a tribe that doesn't give a fuck about their reservation and I definitely don't want to stick around here, listening to this bullshit."

My dad watched with wide, sad eyes as I screamed out my anger as I continued to pack. I knew he didn't want me to go but there was nothing holding me here anymore. The small house we shared was overrun with bodies and I turned 19 in just a few months. I would be forced to stay on the reservation -due to Sam and my supernatural duties- but I was not going to be forced to stay at my dad's house any longer. He'd been the biggest advocate to ditch Bella when Sam confronted me during my first 'fit'. Even knowing I'd tried to break the gag order to follow her around -and failed-, even knowing I'd called Newton's Outfitters to get Mike Newton's number and have _him_ follow Bella around for me; learning what he did about Bella shooting heroin.

Billy didn't care.

His best friend had died and apparently that meant his best friend's daughter meant nothing. What had happened to his morals? His compassion? He'd been such a friendly, loving man but once Charlie died and Sue came into his life, he'd turned into a meyser. Ebenezer Scrooge. No one mattered but Sue and Rachel...And _Laurie_.

Laurie Jensen is my imprint and the Neah Bay native who came to visit last summer with her family. Long, silky black hair and a delicate heart shaped face. She stands at a tiny 5'5 and my hands could span her waist easily. She doesn't have many curves with her slim hips and small breasts but she's beautiful. I'd been passing a football to Quil when she was walking down the beach with her little sister and her bright caramel eyes met mine. Unfortunately for her, the only name my head chanted was 'Bella, Bella, Bella' and I turned away from her, ignoring her. Her parents had loved La Push so much that they'd moved down before school had started back up -her father being a Quileute native. It was difficult for my wolf to see Laurie everywhere but not do anything about it. The man was stronger than the spirit and it would always be that way. I would never allow some fucking spirit wolf to dictate my life. I wasn't going to fall head over heels in love with someone I'd never even spoken to before. From that day forth, I'd avoided her like the plague.

It had been hard to do since Sam told Emily that the girl was my imprint so the 'mama wolf' made friends with her. Thankfully no one had told her the deal so she wasn't around too often -since we had a secret to keep and it was _my_ choice when and if to tell her- so I didn't have to deal with her for pack meetings and functions.

I growled my anger again as I shoved passed my crippled father and moved toward the front door quickly. My skin was shimmering and jumping with the need to phase but I held it off. I'd gotten stronger than my wolf the last couple years -moreso in the last 6 months- and it was getting easier to ignore him.

"Where will you go, Jacob?" He hollered out to me just as my hand touched the knob. I tried to ignore the pain in his voice.

"Anywhere but here." I grunted before yanking the door almost off its hinges and diving down the ramp. The muggy air of late summer slammed into me, making it hard to breathe for a moment. My black shirt immediately clung to me and I pulled the hem out of the waistband of my baggy cargo shorts. I didn't really care where I went, so long as I didn't have to sleep here anymore. I could figure the rest out later. When I'm hungry, I know Emily always has food on hand for the pack.

I heard my father pick up the phone and knew he was dialing Sam so I knew phasing was out of the question as he'd hear my thoughts immediately and I didn't need him in my shit right now. Jumping into my Rabbit, which had been fully restored after 2 years of working out my frustrations, I headed down the One Ten toward Forks. The gag order wouldn't allow me to pass the invisible boundary line but I had to get as far away as I could. Pulling off the road onto a narrow, unused lane, I parked the car and hopped out, leaving the duffel on the passenger seat. Pulling my phone from my pocket and sitting down at the base of a tree, I texted Mike to see if he had any updates for me. He'd been my lifeline to Bella constantly for the last year and a half. When I'd helped her with that redheaded leech in Seattle and driven her home, I'd expected to talk to her a few days later but Sam had once again fixed his gag order to make it nigh impossible for me to get the fuck out of the reservation. He only lifted it if we were on a pack run and there was a nomad around; never letting me out of his sight or mind for a moment until he could secure the order once again.

 _She's doing worse, man. Nattie says she heard her puking last night. She's at work now though._

I threw the phone onto the forest bracken, uncaring about the damp leaves and put my head in my hands. Nattie is Mike's stepsister who rented out the other half of Bella's duplex and had been keeping Mike up to date on her landlord's goings ons. I wasn't sure why his stepsister was so keen to help but I was grateful. I felt a little bad keeping tabs on Bella this way but with Sam's order and my friends not allowed to check up on her for me, I was at a loss of what to do. I couldn't just forget about her and let her kill herself. She's my best friend, even if she doesn't think so anymore; which I'm sure she does. She lost Charlie, that leech and his family left her, all of her friends left her -including Mike- and me. Charlie and I are the only ones who can't be held accountable but unless she knows the truth, she will never believe it. A pained moan left my mouth as I gripped my temples tightly. She was killing herself for that corpse! Regardless of heroin being an addiction, the fact of the matter is that she had to have started using because she couldn't get over that dirty bloodsucker's abandonment. I'm not stupid, between losing everyone and then her father dying, it was too much for her and I can't exactly blame her for finding an outlet but shit...There were better things to get addicted to than heroin for Christ's sake!

It had been even worse for me when Mike innocently sent me a picture of the new 'hot' employee at Bella's variety store a few months ago. The rage that boiled in my veins at the photo caused me to need a new phone immediately and I'd wolfed out, racing to Sam's cabin that he shared with Emily, demanding he do something or let me do something. There was a leech living in Forks! She works at Bella's fucking store! But _no_! The fucking high and mighty Alpha wouldn't let me do anything. I was confined to the rez while he and Jared went to the store to speak with the leech. Her name is Maggie and she's here under orders to keep an eye on the girl who knows about vampires. That was all she would tell us. She agreed not to feed on humans within a certain mile radius after refusing to feed off animals, and since our treaty only exists with the Cullens and Sam didn't want to risk a fight, he agreed.

Some protector he is.

I scoffed as I shot a text back to Mike, asking if he wouldn't mind checking on Bella himself in a few hours. I knew her schedule like the back of my hand thanks to my Forks buddy. Even though he didn't hang out with Bella, he still acknowledged her politely in public when he would go to the only convenience store slash gas station in Forks. Sometimes he would snap a pic or stick his phone in his chest pocket with video on so I could have a short video of her progress or downfall.

 _No prob. Gtg. Send vid later._

 _Thanks, M._

Breathing a sigh of relief, I finally was able to calm my shaking and leaned against the trunk of a tree.

This was my life now.

o.o

 **Bella POV**

Opening the fridge, I scour the contents, bypassing the Welch's grape juice bottles and pushing aside the parmesan cheese. All I want is a bologna rollup but of course I left my list at home when I went shopping so now I don't have any bologna. Deciding on a toasted peanut butter and jelly instead, I get to work making my measly meal. I have to be at work by 1pm and it's already 12:35. All day I've been running late because last night I threw up while I was passed out and had to wash all the bedding and scrub my mattress and floor. The shower I'd taken this morning to clean myself from the grime I'd slept in all night was long and steaming hot. After straightening my hair and pulling it into a ponytail, I dressed in a pair of bootcut jeans and pulled on my work tee; a black shirt with yellow writing stating Forks Variety and the phone number. Slipping on my black converse and applying my mask to my face to hide how terrible I looked, I was prepared for the day.

Stuffing half the sandwich in my mouth with one hand as the other works to gather everything I need for the rest of the night, I'm on my way out the door. The auto-lock slides into place behind me with a firm snick and I hop down the steps to my little Honda. Even though I had a terrible wake up after my high, I'm in a strangely good mood today. Scrubbing dried vomit off of my home and myself did not seem to dampen the euphoric feelings the horse gave me last night but I'm not going to question it.

Maggie's car is already parked on the side of the parking lot by the time I get to work with only 2 minutes before clock-in and I pull up behind her. The dark blue Lexus shines even in the dull rays of sunlight that desperately tries to peek out from above the clouds. I greeted a couple customers who were filling up their gas tanks with a wave and bend low to pick up an empty cigarette pack that someone else had dropped on the ground. Pulling open the heavy glass door, I'm greeted by Mrs. Mallory and Steve as I enter and walk around the long counter, depositing the empty pack into the garbage on my way by.

"Hey, hey, kiddo! How are you today?" Steve asks in his deep, friendly voice. He's always got a smile on his childlike face. Standing at almost six and a half feet tall, he's got short brown hair and wears wire rimmed glasses. His form is lanky but he's got a bit of a beer gut, though it doesn't take away from his older man good looks.

"Doing good, Boss. How are you today?" I ask, sliding my cashier personna into place seamlessly and flashing him a bright smile. My Mom used to call it my waitress voice; a vocal noise one can only achieve when speaking with the public on a regular basis. The makeup hides the dark circles under my eyes and the shine booster from Garnier gives the false sense that my hair is healthy.

Shooting me a smile, he turns back to his paperwork, adjusting his glasses on his nose. "Doing good."

Mrs. Mallory shoots me an irritated look and I can only assume it's because I'm pushing it so close to shift change. I greet her but she just nods stiffly and continues to clean the dishes from day shift. Setting my purse down on the long stretch of counter below the cigarette rack, I smile kindly at Maggie. Her slim orange eyebrow raises and she shakes her head in disappointment before turning back to the register to ring out a customer. My stomach falls in dread and for the first time in months, I wonder if Maggie knows more than just what she scents. Normally she greets me happily and then once we're alone she will corner me to lecture me on my drug use. Scenes from over 2 years ago invade my eyesight for a moment -quick as a flash- and I see Edward darting from my bedroom window, darting in my bedroom window, hovering over me to place a cold, chaste kiss on the corner of my mouth. Shaking my head, I ignore the bile in my throat and turn away to wash my hands in the small chef's sink tucked between the private bathroom and the large upright freezer.

Why does she look like she knows more than she's letting on? Is she pulling an Edward and coming into my house while I'm sleeping? Does she know what's going on, on the deepest level? Why is she even here in Forks in the first place? Why have I never questioned any of this before?

I knew the answer to the last question at least. I'm so use to vampires being around that questioning her for why she's here seems almost stupid. The Cullens admitted that the Olympic Peninsula was an ideal place for vampires with the limitless clouds and near constant rain. Even though they've been out of my life for so long now, they've all been haunting my dreams ever since so it feels like they never left. Visions of Victoria and James dance behind my lids as I robotically start the grill and pour butter on it, getting it ready for an order that Mrs. Mallory took. The Cullens, the nomads, Maggie. I can spot a vampire from miles away now it seems. If only there were someone to protect me from them. To protect me from the visions that invade my brain every time I look at Maggie. To protect me from the feeling that my heart is going to break free of my chest and fall onto the hot grill I'm using to fry hamburgers. I'm so lost in my head anymore that I know I would just flip the heart over and serve it on a bun to the first customer I saw.

Steve and Mrs. Mallory -she never did like me to call her by her first name- leave for the day and it's just Maggie and me. I hide in the cooler, filling the shelves for as long as I can before I'm a shivering mess. Stocking the chips and checking the dates before filling orders for more hungry customers, the night goes by fairly quickly. Mike Newton comes in to get an italian sandwich and though his smile is bright, I can see the hesitance in his eyes and stance. I make him nervous and I wonder if he recognizes the sign of substance abuse like I do. He doesn't have the telltale signs of using -like the ones that are so blatantly hidden in plain sight on me- so I doubt he has extreme personal experience but that doesn't mean he doesn't recognize the signs.

"How's it been going, Bella?" He asks awkwardly as he waits for me to finish his sandwich. He's standing by the garbage can at the end of the long counter, watching me place the veggies on top of the ham meticulously.

Shrugging a slim shoulder, I give him a half smile and use my cashier voice. "It's going well, Mike. It's going well. How about you?" I ask with feigned interest.

He shifts and tilts closer to me. His dark blue polo has a pocket on the breast and his phone is hanging out the top of it with the camera facing me. Being a naturally paranoid person, I avoid looking at the device directly and turn my head, wishing my hair was down to hide my face like a curtain.

Clearing his throat, I see him nod from my peripheral. "It's going alright."

The conversation is small and mundane as I finish his order and I wrap it up in deli paper, securing it with a rubber band before I hand it to him. I glance at Maggie, a silent question in my eyes and she nods, letting me know Mike has already paid for his meal. I give him a small smile and thank him. He stands there for a few more moments, his blonde hair fluttering under the breeze of the air conditioning vent and a blush on his round cheeks, watching me carefully with his baby blue eyes.

"It was good to see you, Bella." He says, lowly and I duck my head again.

I can't return the sentiment because he left me like everyone else even before I started using. Shrugging one shoulder again, I turn away silently and grab a rag, listening for his retreat. I wipe down the stainless steel counter of my workspace and take off the vinyl gloves to wash my hands and the dishes.

"He's a good friend?" Maggie asks as she hands me some more dishes to clean. The look on her face is kind but I can still see disappointment in her purple-blue eyes. She's wearing the same work shirt I am but she's painted on some light blue jeans and wears comfortable looking adidas sneakers. Her bright curls are pulled away from her face and secured at the back of her head with a barrette, leaving the swirling strands to fall down around her shoulders. I look away quickly.

"He was." I murmured.

There's no playful pranks or stern lecture from Maggie this shift and it kind of hurts. I'd come to expect -to hope- that she was starting to care but maybe she doesn't. No one does. If only Mike had been around more. If only _anyone_ had been around more, I wouldn't be where I'm at now. If only I'd been _stronger_ , I wouldn't be feening for a hit, I wouldn't be completely alone. There's no way Mike's got the balls to help me now. No one does, not even myself.

There _is_ no help for me now.

 **A/N: Please Read! If you don't already know, Bella doesn't know about the wolves. Yes, she's depressed and completely alone. If you don't want to follow in her journey, that's fine but at least be nice in your reviews. Bella is still Bella. She's compassionate and full of heart and forgiveness but she's severely depressed (much like in New Moon) though instead of sitting in that damn rocking chair listening to Lykke Li's Possibility, she's using heroin as her outlet. So while she's canon she's not really. I know nothing much about the substance or its abuse, only what I've learned on Google so it won't be true to form. The beauty of Fanfiction, yes?**

 **So apparently a couple of you want to see Maggie as Bella's mate? Not sure why, as that's not where I was going with this at all but let's put it to a vote. I try real hard not to let reviews influence my writing but I also need to recognize what the reader wants. One reviewer (griezz) had already guessed what Maggie was there for in the first place. She was a 'watcher' for Carlisle (can't tell you more depending how you vote) but now it seems as though I may need to make her more. In which case I'll need to figure out _how_ because if Maggie's her mate, how the heck do I fix it!? She's been allowing Bella to veritably kill herself for months. Yeesh, people. LOL**

 **Also, please be aware that if you chose Maggie to be Bella's mate, there _will_ be femslash.**

 **Before we vote, I just wanna say thank you SO much for the follows, reviews, and favorites! I'm updating this one once a week to give myself more time for editing and research. Not only am I researching heroin abuse, I'm researching slang Irish terms. We will hear from the rest of the Irish coven at some point but for now, we stick with Maggie!**

 **Do you want Maggie as Bella's mate?**

 **or**

 **Is Maggie just there to watch her for the Cullens?**


	3. Something to Kill the Pain

**Warnings: Rated M for Mature Content. Drug abuse. OOC Characters. Depression and suicidal thoughts. Triggers possible.**

 **By almost unanimous vote: Maggie is NOT Bella's mate. *wipes head* Thank God because though I might do a Maggie/Bella now because some of you really seem to like the idea, this was not my intention.**

 **Stick with me here. It's going to get rough.**

"You're just gonna kill yourself then, why don'cha?" Maggie snapped at me when I dragged myself into work two days later.

I'm a little ashamed to admit that I was late to work for the first time. Something had been prowling around my duplex and kept me up scared all night so when I woke fully, I bypassed the coffee and went straight for the needle. The pinch on my inner arm felt good and the white-hot burn felt even better. I hadn't taken a whole lot, just enough to get me feeling less jittery but by the time I realized I had to get to work, I forgot my mask and drove like a maniac.

Literally.

Today was not going to be a good day, I could tell.

Meeting Maggie's glare with my own furrowed brows, I threw my purse onto the back counter and sighed heavily. Leaning my hips against the drawers, I crossed my arms over my chest. "What would you have me do? You don't know me, Maggie so you can't tell me what I'm doing is wrong."

Even as the words came out of my mouth I knew it was utter bullshit. Being an illegal substance, Maggie could very well report me to the police and not only would I be in jail or rehab, I would be forced to go through withdrawls. Lord knows if that would bring Edward's hallucinations back and if that happened, would I even be able to handle it anymore?

The Irish woman's eyes softened as she sidled up next to me. Customers would be sparse for a while as quitting time for the normal working class wasn't for another few hours. "Lass, you've got to get ahold of yourself. You're gonna find yourself belly up here soon. I can tell." Her lilting voice was soft and encouraging but I found myself pulling away from her nonetheless. Being around the cold chill of vampire skin was not something I wanted to reacquaint myself with.

Deciding I should challenge her, I squared my body to face her and looked down at her. She was only an inch or so shorter than I am and I knew she could snap me in half with a flick of her wrist but this made me feel strong, in control of something for once.

"How." I demanded. "How can you tell?" I was itching for her to finally mess up. To admit that she knows that I know.

I watched her jaw clench as she gritted her razor sharp teeth and the anger that flashed in her oddly colored eyes. I knew she wanted to tell me exactly how she could see that I was killing myself but she couldn't. She seemed to settle instead. "It's all over your face. Your complexion, the bags under your eyes, your weight loss." She sighed heavily and made use of her hands by busying them with the paperwork on the counter. "I…"

She was cut off by the bell dinging above the door and when I saw who walked in, I squeaked and ducked into the bathroom but not before I heard a growl fall from Maggie's lips. "What do you want." She demanded quietly before I was able to shut the door. Turning the lock audibly with shaky hands and accelerated breaths, I figured I should try to calm myself. There was no way to shoot up at work because I leave my stash at home. I would have to deal with this the old fashioned way.

I turned on the fan so I couldn't hear any noise outside the bathroom door and sat down on the toilet with my head in my hands. Forks is a very small town and even though the variety store is on the complete opposite side of town to La Push, every now and then someone from the reservation comes in for something. Normally it's Sue Clearwater, getting gas or food for herself and Billy. One time Emily Young called in a massive order and I'd been forced to call another co-worker into work just to help. Mrs. Mallory had put a stop to that immediately, saying we just didn't have the product or ovens to create such meals on a regular basis.

"We're not a catering company." She'd snapped at the poor native girl.

Emily Young had been a lovely woman, with long silky black hair and a petite frame. Her almond shaped eyes are framed by thick dark lashes and showed her emotions easily. She used to be very polite and mild mannered until she'd been attacked by a bear shortly after moving from Neah Bay to La Push. The woman had been in the hospital for weeks getting her face repaired from the damage the bear's claws had done. When she'd come into the store to retrieve and pay for her massive order, she wasn't the same sweet woman. Full of glares and hateful, whispered words, Emily practically spat at me to keep away from her boys. I somehow knew she meant Quil, Embry, and Jake and my eyes had filled with tears. I hadn't done anything to hurt any of them so I couldn't fathom why she'd been so rude to me. I had never been rude to her at all. I never stared at her scarred up face, I never spoke ill of her or gave her dirty looks. It had made me wonder what Jake had said to her to make her hate me so much and that had made me angrier at Jake the more I thought about it.

Mrs. Mallory had seen what was transpiring and told her to never come back and then she sent me home because I wouldn't stop shaking. While my boss had assumed that I was shaking from the encounter, and yes it had shaken me, I'd really been feening for another jab in the arm so I scurried home, avoiding Maggie's scowl as I left, and let myself succumb to the bliss of heroins effects.

I hadn't seen anyone from La Push since then so to see Sam Uley strutting in through the glass door with that smug yet stoic look on his face, had me freaking out. He scared me more than all of the super steroidal boys that walked the rez like they owned it. After finding me in the woods when Edward had dumped me, he had carried me out and given me to my father. He'd stared at me every time I'd seen him but it wasn't comfortable at all. It was a hateful leer that made my skin crawl. It was like he wanted to beat me and pity me all at once. There was something animalistic about the man. He thought he was better than everyone else with his thick molasses voice and intimidating muscles.

Jake had admitted that he was scared of him, that the elder boy was always watching him like he was waiting for something. Then the next thing I know, he's following Uley around with Embry and Quil and telling me we can't be friends anymore. I so badly wanted to leave the bathroom and stop being a coward but I was already shaking like a leaf.

There wasn't too much time that passed before I heard a knock on the bathroom door and I stood, taking a deep fortifying breath before pulling the door open. Maggie's face was twisted in a scowl, her nose scrunched like she smelled something bad but I saw sympathy in her eyes.

"Come 'ere, lass." She whispered as she gathered me in her arms.

Of their own volition, my rail thin arms wound around the small firm vampire and I squeezed, ducking my head to her shoulder. I clamped my eyes shut, ignoring as well as I could, the cool chill and continued breathing deeply, savoring the Heather and moss scent that wafted from her. There was no part of me that was worried she would sink her teeth into my neck or break me from squeezing too hard. Maggie and I had an odd friendship of scowls and playful glares. She would lecture me on my poor habits and then we would be joking and pranking each other across the store.

This was new though.

She'd never let herself touch me so long before but she seemed to know this was exactly what I needed. I let myself get lulled into complacency by her calming scent and after a few minutes, she pulled away, smiling.

"You want to tell me what's got you in such a tizzy?" Maggie asked quietly as we separated and headed toward the register.

She quickly rang out a customer who wanted a pack of smokes and once the door shut behind him, I answered her just as quietly.

"That's Sam." She nodded and I wondered how or if she knew him. "He was the one who found me in the woods after...after…" I couldn't seem to spit the name or the rest of the sentence out. It was easier to think of the coven slash family of vampires but to speak it out loud seemed impossible. My lips didn't want to curve around the beautiful name that was my ex-boyfriend but a light shone in Maggies eyes and I knew she understood. "Sam saved me." I finished in a whisper, wringing my hands by my thighs as I leaned my butt against the counter.

Quirking an orange eyebrow, she questioned, "Then why, lass, are you so awkward and fearful?"

Rolling my eyes at myself more than her question, I pushed off the counter and turned to busy myself with filling empty cigarette slots on the rack that hung on the wall. "He stares at me sometimes. It's like he...I don't know." I shrugged. It was easier, I found, to speak to the innocent boxes of tobacco than to her inquiring face so I continued to pull cartons from under the counter and stock them along their respective spots in the rack. "It's like he knows me. I get the feeling...ugh, I don't know. I get the feeling that he wants to hurt me." I turned to look at her again, annoyed with myself for my lack of human socialization.

Amusement flitted across the vampire's face, much to my confusion and she barked a short laugh. "I kind of got the impression from him that he wanted more to go at it than hurt you...Unless you're into that kind of thing. His eyes were permanently glued to your arse until you disappeared behind the bathroom door." She said, still giggling.

A shudder went down my spine and I couldn't determine whether I was flattered or pissed. Swallowing hard, I answered the phone that started to ring, thanking the customer for calling Forks Variety and took their order. A few more customers came in so I was spared anymore humiliation from Maggie's thoughts about Sam and my ass. It was just too odd. The way Sam looked at me was as if he was angry with me for something. But what in the hell would he be angry with me for? He didn't know me at all, we had never conversed. I have only seen him a handful of times. How she could read any sort of desire out of the anger the tall man exuded was beyond my comprehension.

Making a chicken rodeo sub alongside an order of onion rings and a large bacon and pineapple pizza, my mind stayed occupied for a few more minutes. When the order was done and Maggie rang out the customer, she turned to me with an evil smirk. I grinned, seeing it. Working with her could be such a good time and today it seemed she was in more of a playful mood than a scolding one.

"You want him too, don'cha?" She asked me in an almost mocking tone as she followed me around the small store.

"Shush it, you. I don't want anyone." Even as I said it, a pain went through the hole in my chest and I cringed, sliding the Gatorade cooler open. I had to figure out what needed stocked so the boss didn't get angry that it wasn't being taken care of. "Besides, I said it looked like he wanted to beat me up, not fuck me."

The small vampire gasped a giggle at my cuss word and then tsked me.

Maggie continued to follow me to the large walk-in cooler where we kept overstock, close on my heels and I threw her a playfully annoyed glance before tossing a crate of Gatorade into her arms. I knew it wouldn't catch her off guard or balance and her eyes widened when she caught it deftly and realized I'd played her. I smirked. It was fun trying to get her to mess up but being a perfect vampire, she rarely ever did. It was a huge risk assuming she would catch a case of product but I suppose catching it was better than spending the next few days cleaning up sticky red residue from the floors, nooks, and crannys.

"You can carry that since you want to pester me." I said lightly as I grabbed another heavy crate, hefting it up with a grunt and pulling the cooler door closed as I went back out to the one that needed stocking.

Maggie feigned a grunt when she set the Gatorade down and I giggled behind my hand, propping my foot against the cooler door so it wouldn't slide shut. The crate balanced on my leg as I stocked up the blue electrolyte drink. Carefully pushing on me in jest, not enough to topple me but enough to let me know what she meant, she walked more gracefully than usual around the counter and greeted another customer. The work picked up for a bit so we didn't have anymore time to chit chat about Sam, thankfully. Besides, what could I really say? I couldn't lie and say Sam wasn't attractive because he is.

Sinfully.

Then again, so are all the other boys on the reservation lately. Little Seth Clearwater looked more like he was my age than the 18 year old he really was. Just because the guys looked good enough to eat didn't mean I was going to eat them...Or have the chance, ever. I'm just a junkie, whether they know it or not.

Also, what about Edward? Could I really try to move on with any guy at all if I was still hung up on my Greek God? I felt my heart start to race with the terrible thoughts that always followed me thinking about any of the Cullens and the pain throbbed in the hole that adorned my chest. Filling in another couple of orders mechanically -burgers and fries, mostly- I blinked back the sting of tears as I realized that he was never coming back and my breath caught painfully in my chest. There was no point in holding onto a ghost but there was also no point in moving on if I just intended to let the H kill me. I bit my lip to keep a sob from escaping and glanced at the clock. Only half hour more before I would be able to clean the kitchen and shut it down for the night and then another hour before we closed the store completely. I breathed in deeply through my nose and closed my eyes, bending my head over my workstation as I tried to settle my nerves.

I could handle another couple hours.

A hand on my shoulder startled me and I spun around to face Maggie. "You alright there, lass?" She murmured.

Wiping my tears on the back of my forearm, I nodded and sniffled. "Yeah. Just lost in thought a sec." I dismissed with a strangled voice.

Damn Edward and the Cullens. How the hell am I supposed to even put on a brave face when I'm still surrounded by things I _know_ shouldn't exist but _do_?

A wave of irrational anger washed over me and I jerked away from Maggie, uncaring about the hurt that flashed in her eyes. She backed away as if I were a rabid animal and nodded once in apparent understanding before going to the front of the store to begin the closing routine. It was her fault I was reminded of vampires every fucking time I came to work because _she_ is a vampire! How am I supposed to find solace anywhere? At home, I have the needle to keep me content and my thoughts contained. Work used to be a wonderful distraction. I had my work buddies whom I got along with famously but now I never seemed to work with anyone other than Maggie. She was always there when I was. Almost as if she'd had her schedule changed to reflect mine and another wave of emotion crashed into me.

This one wasn't irrational.

Maggie working here wasn't a coincidence.

It was like a hundred lightbulbs went off over my head and I avoided her eyes for the rest of the shift. I had to figure out a way to approach her and find out what the fuck she wanted from me before I quit my job and overdosed as soon as I got home. Throwing myself into cleaning the grill and turning the salad bar over from night shift to day crew, filling the cold bar with breakfast sausage and bacon, I emptied my brain of everything other than why Maggie would be here in Forks.

I can't believe I dismissed it before as just a nice place to live for vampires. How fucking naive am I!? Maybe if I'd seen her in passing, I could have kept up that way of thinking but she was _working_ with me and wearing contacts. She was pushing herself into my life, into my business. It could not have been a coincidence.

What did she want? What does she think she'll gain from me? I'm obviously not going to tell anyone or I would have done so already. Honestly, I'd rather lie on my back and vomit in my sleep than tell the world about vampires because as long as Edward lives out there somewhere, whether he loves me or not, the rest of the world is a beautiful place.

At 10 minutes til 9pm, I'm done checking the coolers and making another round through the kitchen to make sure the burners are off and things are unplugged and the fans are off while Maggie runs the nightly report for lottery. At 9 on the dot, I lock the door so she can run the register report and then we're walking out with the end of the night's garbage and locking the doors and ice chests outside.

The metal door clangs as I lock it into place -a guard gate over the glass door to protect from robbery- and it seems loud in the silent night as Maggie stands beside me holding two overstuffed garbage bags in her hands as if they're light as kittens. I follow her toward the dumpster where our cars are parked and I unlock my door with the key fob. She tosses the garbage bags into the bin and lets the lid slam shut with a loud clang.

My mind hasn't stopped running since my revelation that she's here for something more than the convenient weather and I think I finally figured out why she was. Why she was around me. It's the only thing that makes sense to me and if that's the case then it means they do love me in some small way. That, surprisingly, hurts more than knowing they hated me, that I was just some forgettable human, not worth saying goodbye to. I have no intention of letting thoughts of them keep me awake anymore. There's no reason for them to cloud my mind, forcing me to take a needle to my vein, pressing it into my arm. It might numb the pain but it doesn't kill it and that's what I need.

Something to kill the pain.

Something to kill me.

As I shut my door and wave back to Maggie's farewell hand, I start the Honda and pull up slowly. When my car is next to hers, I keep rolling by but before I step on the gas again, I smile sadly in her direction through the window of my passenger door and her driver's door.

"Tell Carlisle I said goodbye." I know she can hear me, even through both vehicles with all the windows up. It gives away for sure now that I know what she is and why she's here but at this point, I don't care. I'm finally witnessing clarity. A clear view of what needs to happen next.

I didn't look back as I stepped down on the gas pedal and drove home as quick as possible. There were no other cars on the road at this time of night and I was thankful because with my tear filled eyes, I couldn't seem to stay on my side of the road. I just wanted to get home and let the heroin burn me from the inside out…

...For the final time.

 **Maggie POV next or maybe a wolf...? Or should we stick with Bella once more? What was lurking outside her house, do you think? Maggie or someone else entirely?**

 **Thank you for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting!**


	4. Moving Forward

My thoughts were a jumbled mess as I raced the short distance from Forks Variety to my little duplex home. All I could think about was getting home and locking myself away, never to be found again, literally. Between the weird noises outside my windows at night, to the realization that Maggie had to have been sent by Carlisle or someone in the Cullen family, and knowing I don't have one goddamn person in this world any longer; I was at the end of my rope. How can one person deal with so much and be expected to come out unharmed on the other end?

Well that's that. There won't _be_ 'the other end' for me.

I pulled into the driveway like a bat out of hell and as soon as I parked the car, I realized who had been snooping around immediately. My extreme worries over the supernatural or maybe even a rabid animal had been all for naught. Slamming my car door shut, I cursed as I stepped into a puddle and scowled the whole way the side of the house. I grumbled as I snatched up the unsuspecting hat and shook it angrily for good measure before carrying it through the front door with me. Leaning against the still open door as I scrambled, clumsily, to toe off my sneakers, I palmed the wood and pushed it hard so it would slam into place, making me feel rather justified as I glared at the offending cap once more. I heard the auto lock snick into place as I headed toward the kitchen and picked up my very rarely used landline. I'm pretty sure I haven't had to use it but once or twice to order takeout. It took me a few moments to recall the number but once it was ringing, I cradled the receiver between my shoulder and ear so that I could hold the hat in front of my face, inspecting it for what I knew would be there.

Aha! The golden blonde hair was tucked inside the cap, seemingly harmless.

The other line clicked on and a weary voice answered, "Hello?"

I'd forgotten it was almost nine thirty at night. He was probably already settling down to go to sleep. Sighing heavily, for some reason the anger just deflated from me and all thoughts of my previous intentions of offing myself left with it. My shoulders drooped and I fumbled to grab the phone before it crashed to the ground.

"Hi, Mike. It's...Bella," I said quietly, once I'd firmly gripped the phone once more.

A surprised noise reached my eardrum, not that it shocked me. I'm positive I never called Mike Newton in my entire Forks-living life.

"Bella! Wow," the sound of his fingers running over his face or hair reaches me and I roll my eyes as he continues, "What can I do for you? It's um...late," he finished lamely.

"Yea, I'm sorry about that. It's just that I, uh, just got home from work…" I trailed off with almost a whisper. Clearing my throat, I started again, "I found your hat outside, uh, in my bushes...By my house."

A quiet curse sounded before Mike chuckled. I could almost picture his beet red face and shy eyes. I really missed having him to hang out with. I'd take the golden retriever, drooling boy over complete loneliness and desperate depression I was dealing with now.

"Crap. Sorry about that. I, um. Well…" he tried to explain shakily before blowing out a huge breath. "Look, don't be mad."

That's usually what someone says before they piss someone off. I clenched my eyes shut and gripped the phone so hard, I'm sure my knuckles are bone white. My muscles jumped impatiently, reminding me that my calming fix was just in the other room. Mike took my silence as acquiescence and continued.

"I've been kinda keeping an eye out for you, Bella."

He paused as I squeaked in the back of my throat. I wanted to ask for who and why. Who cares about me enough to make Mike Newton follow me around and snoop around my house in the dead of night? Instead, I tried to breathe deeply and center myself when all I wanted to do was hang the fuck up and run to the safety of my room and the searing hot beauty of my addiction.

"Uh, so Jake has been…"

I rudely interrupted him at that point. All the deflated anger from earlier rushed back into me as my best friend's name was mentioned. My voice raised and angry, it cracked as I said, "Jake is having you keep tabs on me!? What the hell are you talking about?" I threw the hat I'd still been holding across the room behind me, where it slid to a stop under the cabinet where the trash bin was stored. I shrugged to myself. It was garbage now anyway. Stupid, stalking golden retriever.

Mike quickly intercepted the conversation before I could wind myself up further, his words tumbling out of his mouth and into my ear like verbal diarrhea, "Look, Bella, I'm sorry! There's people out there worried about you, even if we don't know how to approach you. The only way we know how, is to sneak. I know it's shitty and I'm really sorry, but you're killing yourself Bella and we don't know how to help you short of dragging you kicking and screaming out the door! If Nattie wasn't there to help me, I'd probably be camping…"

"What do you mean _Nattie_!?" I screamed down the line. My breaths were coming in near hyperventilating pants as I wrapped my free arm around my chest as the hole throbbed and burned inside of me. "Who is Nattie to you!?" I demanded angrily.

"Shit." Mike sighed. "Nattie is my step sister. When I realized she was moving in next door to you, that _you_ were her landlady, I asked her to keep an eye on you. Nothing stalkery like me," he awkwardly chuckled, "but just enough to let me know if you'd need help so that someone could, you know, help." He finished quietly, as if he wasn't sure if those were the words he wanted to use.

I could tell he'd never dreamed he'd have to own up to his stalkery ways. That I'd thrown him off guard when I called at all, let alone that I'd have something of his as proof that he'd been sneaking around. I tapped my foot against the linoleum for a moment before huffing out a breath. I wasn't aware that anyone cared and here there were three people, two that I'd known for a while now, keeping an eye out on me. They had someone who rented from me keep an eye on me. Sure, a part of me was angry and I sort of felt violated that Nattie was always able to let someone know if something was going on over here but then I realized I'm a quiet person anyhow. The only way she would know what I was doing is if she could hear me, which meant I'd need to be loud enough. It was that moment when the light bulb went off over my head as simultaneously, a bit of bright orange curly hair darted through my living room in my peripheral vision. I rolled my eyes.

 _Okay, so maybe_ , I acknowledged to myself, _there's four people that give a fuck about me._

"You have no idea how pissed off I am right now, Mike." I said, feeling a little defeated and a lot deflated again. I had to get him off the phone so I could deal with nosy Maggie and find out how she'd gotten into my house. "I didn't even know Jake gave a shit about me. You barely acknowledge me...uh, in fact, you haven't since that night at the movie theater with Jake. No one talks to me, no one has talked to me in almost two years. And now I find out that…" Another heavy sigh leaves my lips and I shake my head to the empty room. He didn't need my sob story. "Look, thank you." I said softly. I wasn't sure what else to say. I had a lot to think about now.

Just as softly, Mike replied, "You're welcome, Bella. I know we aren't there, but we are here."

I snorted as he chuckled because even though his words would make little sense to anyone else, I knew exactly what he meant, and he knew it too.

We said our awkward goodbyes and I hung the phone up. Throwing a half-hearted glare at the reason my night changed so drastically, I sunk down in the middle of the kitchen where I'd been standing and pressed the bottoms of my feet together. Wrapping my hands around the tops of them, I let my head fall forward and my shoulders slump, my hair coming out of the messy bun at the back of my head and hanging in greasy tendrils around my face. Maggie would come to me when she wanted me to know she was here. I wasn't going to call for her. I wasn't going to seek her out. I just don't know how much I have left in me. The really fucked up part is that as much as I want that hit right now, to feel that ice cold needle shoot that white hot liquid into my throbbing vein, I also have no energy to move. I've completely used all of my reserves with that mind boggling, throat closing, air stealing revelation that Mike fucking Newton let slip tonight.

Jake fucking cares. Jake gives a damn? About me? Since when? Why hasn't he been speaking to me for so long? Why did he ignore me, be downright rude to me, let his father hang up on me so many times before I just gave up trying? The tears came and I grunted angrily as I wiped them away from my slouched position on the floor. I had so many questions and no answers. Something in the back of my head niggled and nudged, trying to tell me something. I thought about Sam coming into the store for no apparent reason tonight, looking right through me with those piercing black eyes of his. Maggie teased and said he was staring at my ass. I think she's wrong. Or perhaps she just wanted to cheer me up. He was staring at the person who for no apparent reason, was his nemesis. For some reason I felt as if he had something to do with Jake not speaking to me. I can recall Jake being afraid of Sam. Now he's just as buffed out and probably doing all the same steroids. Maybe Sam really is a cult leader like Jake worried about all that time ago. I shook my head as I wiped more tears on my wrist.

None of it made any sense to me. No one came to me, no one wanted me to know they cared but they obviously did. So where does that leave me? How am I supposed to deal with this information?

The hard linoleum floor was hurting my tailbone so I groaned as I pushed myself to stand and rolled my eyes, making my way to the bathroom. Obviously, Mike wasn't the only stalker. Maggie was not going to make herself known, I guess, so I'm just going to continue on with my night. I can't believe she's been sent to spy on me for the Cullens. I stop in the hallway and turned around abruptly, just in time to see a lingering orange curl dart into the kitchen. It happened so quickly that had I been just a normal paranoid person, I could have explained it away as nothing but I knew better. Honestly, I am surprised at myself at how observant I'm being. Turns out when I'm not high, I can tell I have a vampire in my house.

"Do you do this every night or is it just because I finally figured out why you were around?" I questioned quietly. Now that I know Nattie being next door, possibly listening in for me and my insanity, I didn't want to alert her to anything untoward, like a red-eyed vampire.

Maggie slumped out shyly from where she'd been hiding in the kitchen with a small smile. I refrained from rolling my eyes again because even her slumping was rather graceful. "Sorry, lass. I do check in on ya from time to time but I was especially worried tonight." Her voice was soft and almost embarrassed at getting caught.

I shrugged. "I think my spidey senses are just working overtime right now." The Irish vampire looked at me quizzically and I shrugged again. If this vampire hadn't seen Spiderman that wasn't my problem. "Do you need something or were you just checking in?" I asked, kind of rudely. I couldn't help myself. She is in _my_ house, after all.

Taking a few light steps toward me, Maggie sighed. "Do you want to talk tonight or shall we make plans to talk another time when it's not so late? I assume you're going to bed soon, aren't ya?" Her thick lilt made it seem as if she was telling me what to do and I suppose in a way she was strongly suggesting it but I also knew that she cared. As much as I'd fought tooth and nail against feeling 'cared for', Maggie truly did make me feel like I had an ally. And now, so did Mike and Jake. It was odd to me that I went from having absolutely no one to having a few people in no time. It made me feel so utterly refreshed and I hadn't felt refreshed in such a long time.

The tears re-started without my permission and once they did I wasn't sure I was going to make them stop for a while. A loud sob tore it's way up my chest and out of my mouth without my permission and I squeezed my arms around my waist to hold in the burning hole. It threatened to rip me to shreds right there in the hall, halfway between the kitchen and the bathroom. The tears streamed hotly down my cheeks and dripped off my chin onto the floor with a splat and before I blinked again, Maggie had her stone cold arms around me in a tender embrace. She squeezed harder than I anticipated and yet it didn't hurt. It actually held the hole together. Together enough that I was able to unwind my arms from around myself and embrace her back. My forehead pressed hard to her shoulder and I clenched my eyes shut the same time my fingers curled into fists behind her back as I hugged her back. It had been so long since I'd been held or had any kind of comforting embrace at all. It took everything in me to keep standing though I know Maggie wouldn't have let me fall to my knees. I felt the air shift around us and when I blinked my puffy eyes, I could tell that we were now sitting on the couch in the living room. The bleariness of my vision distorted the furniture but I could now feel my body sagging onto her hard lap as my brain caught up with the quick movements she'd made.

Sniffling into her shoulder, I squeezed my eyes shut once more before prying them open and pushing away to sit beside her instead of on her. I gave her a watery smile then promptly grimaced. Crying seemed to make me feel both better and worse at the same time. Wiping my nose and eyes on the sleeve of my Variety shirt, I chuckled to myself quietly. I was a complete mess.

"How come no one wants me to know they care?" I asked her, as I kept my eyes on my twisting fingers in my lap. "Everyone just wants to keep an eye on me from afar. Don't they realize that helped shove me toward the place I'm at now? Having no one...Not a soul to confide in, lean on, talk to." I sighed heavily and dared a glance at Maggie. "I was so close to ending it all tonight." I confessed quietly.

I didn't quite feel ashamed to admit it but something told me I should feel ashamed. That I should have known there were people in my corner. I mean, I'm no mind reader...a soft sigh left my lips at the thought.

Maggie's tiny hand found its way to my knee and she patted it twice to get my eyes on hers. "They don't know how to deal with what you're going through. Addiction is something that people battle every day and usually their own family would make excuses for them because they know their loved one can get better, do better, be better, my dear. However, from what I've been privy to, you had pulled yourself away from all of your friends long before they noticed the signs, lass. No one knew how to confront you after that. Better to keep an eye on ya from afar than to stomp into your life making demands, I'd wager, eh?"

Her words were soft but they rang through me with so much clarity that it wasn't funny.

"How can the Cullens ask you to watch me but not want me in their family?" My voice cracked half way through the question and I hated myself for it. I could barely stomach their name in thought and voicing it was definitely harder than I'd imagined but I'd done it. A small bit of pride wound its way through me because of it.

"Why do you think they don't want you in their family, álainn?" She inquired.

I looked at her for a moment as if she were dumb. "You're here because they want you to be. But what are you here for exactly? To make sure I don't blab the vampire secret? I'm pretty sure I would have done that by now if that were the case. I'm not crazy. I'm just...uh, done." I finished with a shrug of my left shoulder.

Orange curls bouncing, Maggie shook her head, a small vee formed between her perfectly trimmed eyebrows. "No, cailín beag, you silly silly thing. Carlisle is having me watch out for you, tá is true but it is not so you don't blab, as you say."

I had to smile as I listened to her. The accent got thicker the more she spoke to me and all these nicknames were going to have to be explained or I'd never end up knowing a word she says to me otherwise.

She continued on, "There is something you must know. Carlisle was afraid to tell you as I had first reported that you were very...stressed out. He thought it would be better to tell you once you'd gotten control of your depression but," she clicked her tongue as she gestured to my obvious bad health, "we can see that is not going to happen, eh?"

I didn't know what to say to that because it was nothing but the truth. My interest was piqued though and I leaned forward eagerly, wanting to know what it was Carlisle was afraid to tell me. However, Maggie seemed content to let me stew for a moment as she got up from her seat on my couch and made her way to the kitchen.

"I'm going to get you a little snack, álainn. You're much too thin and need to keep your strength up. I won't be having you kill yourself while I'm around, that's for sure."

I jumped up and followed her, watching as she grabbed a small fry pan from under the stove and started buttering two pieces of bread. Switching the stovetop on, she let the pan heat up before she threw the bread into it, searing both sides to a beautiful golden brown before she stuck two slices of colby jack between them and heated it up a bit more so it would melt. The smell of the grilled cheese had my stomach agreeing with her, loudly and she chuckled as she plated my food and pointed to the chair at the small dinette. I sat obediently and ate quickly. As soon as I was finished, I grinned at her.

"That was delicious, thank you. So what is it he wanted to keep from me?" I pestered.

Clicking her tongue again, Maggie shook her head, causing the curls to bounce around her cheeks. "Impatient, you are." Pulling out the other chair, she sat across from me and seemed to contemplate whether I could bear the words. I'll admit, another curveball tonight might send me running for my bedroom where I know my spoon is waiting for me, but I was too anxious to know anything at all about the Cullens.

"Please?" I begged quietly, my eyes pleading with her.

"This mightn't be a great idea but," she sighed heavily as if this were a great burden she bore. "I might as well tell ya now. Carlisle has two things that you need to know. And Bella, I need you to focus on not the first thing I'll be telling you, but the second. Is that clear?" She almost demanded of me.

My fingers tangled together under the table top and I bit my lip as I stared at the woodgrains on the surface and the little crumbles I'd left behind from the sandwich. How much more could I really take? Was it something to do with...No, I couldn't form any what if's in my mind right now. I just had to take a deep breath and solidify my feelings. I could do this. I could.

Nodding with a bit of finality to the bright haired vampire sitting with me in my kitchen, I whispered, "please," once more. I just had to remember that the first part she told me would probably not be good news, as I am supposed to focus on the second piece of information.

"Edward has found his mate. It's why he left ya in the first place." Maggie's words became distorted and jumbled, as if I were hearing them from underwater.

I shook my head, trying to clear my ears but it didn't work. It wasn't really denial, I felt. It made sense. My Greek God had found his Goddess and of course it wasn't me. He'd lied when he said we were mates and he'd lied when he told me he loved me. My vision blurred momentarily as my upper body swayed in my seat. Maggie's hand darted to the side to catch me if I fell but I kept my feet firmly planted on the light blue linoleum. I could do this. I could. Edward found his mate. It wasn't me. He really told me the truth when he dumped me in the forest two years ago.

"Bella, can ya hear me?" Maggie tried, her eyes peering into mine with concern.

I shook the thoughts from my head once more and my vision cleared at the same time my hearing came back. "I'm, uh, yeah. I'm, I can hear you. Go on." I said, my voice stuttering and shaking with the information. How much more could I possibly take?

"Are you sure you want me to go on?"

"Yeah. I think that'd be good. This is the good part right?" I could understand now why Carlisle didn't want to tell me two years ago. "How long have you actually been watching me, Maggie?" I questioned.

Chuckling, she almost looked as if she'd be blushing if she could. "Since right after your father died."

The words coming from her mouth seemed so harmless but they made my chest burn. I burned for my father. I missed him so much. I wish that I'd been able to be better for him, like Renee said. If I hadn't been trapped in my own head, my dad wouldn't have been trapped in his, thinking of me the night he died. Renee was right to leave me. I was useless.

As if she could hear the thoughts I was thinking, Maggie shook her head. "It's all over your face dear. You did nothing wrong. That man loved you 'til his final breath. If I could have saved him, I would have, the only way I know how."

It was a scary thought but I believed her nonetheless.

"So," I gestured with my hand to get back on track. "What else is there that Carlisle wanted me to know?"

"I'm only telling you this now because I think you've made a breakthrough tonight. With all that I've witnessed of ya the last year and a half, I think tonight you made a large leap in the right direction and if you'll allow me to, I'd like to lock up your stash…"

I cut her off rather rudely, shaking my head. "No. You're not taking it. You can't touch it!"

Just the thought of her messing with my heroin made me want to punch her in the face. Broken hand and all, I was willing to risk it. My blood pressure skyrocketed at the thought of not being able to shoot up when I needed to.

Holding up a hand in supplication, Maggie spoke softly, "I won't do that, but lass, I think you're almost there. You've got me for sure, you know there's a few others who are here for you even if you can't see them, and I think I can give you one more reason to put it away and get yourself clean."

I couldn't believe what she was suggesting. She wanted me to get clean? How the hell could I do that? I had been working toward killing myself for months now. I'd accepted that death was my ultimate fate. In the space of one night she wanted me to just stop using? Just like that? You don't, I don't, I can't...My chest felt tight and my breathing became erratic.

"I can't!" I huffed out as I clutched at my chest before starting to stand. I had to take that hit now.

"No, lass. No ya don't. You sit down right here and I'm going to tell you why you need to get yourself clean. You can't go living forever looking like a strung out skeleton, ya silly bó."

As her words sunk in through my hyperventilating, her soothing cool hand rubbing circles between my shoulder blades, I thunked my head hard onto the dinette table, thankful for vampire reflexes at that moment as I heard her scoot my dinner plate from my destination. _Living forever..._ That's what she'd said just now. I took a few more calming breaths and with my eyes closed, I breathed in her heathery moss scent and just allowed the allure to settle me down. My heart rate slowed and my chest stopped hurting as my breaths became more stable and Maggie continued rubbing while she tutted and whispered kind yet firm words.

"You ready to hear what I've got to say to ya, now?" She questioned as I finally got myself under control and sat upright in the chair. I nodded for her to continue. If this was the good news, then there would be nothing to fret over. "Alice had a vision after Edward found his mate. He honestly thought you were his but while he was holed up in South America, his mate felt the pull and found him."

I didn't want to hear that part but I gritted my teeth and listened anyway. I wanted to know what Alice's vision had to do with me.

Quietly, she said, "Alice told Carlisle that you would hit your lowest low before the dawn became your burning sun. That's why I'm here for you. To make sure you _survive_ your lowest low, wee lass."

Maggie smiled brilliantly at me as she delivered that bullshit cryptic sentence, as if I should know exactly what she was talking about. I sat there, staring at her in silence, waiting for her to explain herself or for the stupid light bulb to go off over my head but neither happened. Five more minutes passed before I finally closed my eyes for a moment. When I opened them back up, I raised an eyebrow at the same time I raised my hand, pointing toward the front door.

"You can see yourself out please, Maggie. I'll see you in a couple days at work. Goodnight." My voice was monotone, morose even.

And with that, I left the vampire with the unhinged jaw sitting at my dining room table as I trudged to the bathroom to pee before I got to my bed, stripping out of my jeans and sinking into my mattress. The spoon burned brightly as I liquified my hit, using a fresh cotton ball as my filter, and injecting a happy dose of 'go the fuck away'. Maggie's words of Alice's vision danced around in my head as I fell back against my pillows, leaving the needle to hang limply from my vein.

 _Before the dawn became your burning sun_

Whatever the fuck that means.

 **OH MY GOODNESS. You have no idea how sorry I am for not writing in over a year! I can't even begin to tell you that it doesn't feel that way to me. It shocked me, honestly. And if you want to know what all has happened in that year and why I lost my muse, I will certainly share but I don't want to bore or burden you with my load if you don't really give a crap.**

 **BUT I'M BACK NOW! I'm back and I'm hoping to start posting on a weekly to biweekly basis. My new computer desk is coming this week, courtesy of moi for moi's birthday at the end of the month. I need to get on with this story and then the sequels to all the stories you've been raving about for a while!**

Please show your support and let me know you're glad I'm back by reviewing, reviewing, reviewing and checking out my newly updated profile! You'll find a link to my brand new website that I'll start posting to here soon also! YAY! So excited to be back guys. I feel like I'm finally home again. *tear*

 **And remember: Heroin is a drug. Doing heroin will cause you to become addicted, and is severely bad for your health. It most certainly can and could and will cause death. If someone you know does drugs, please get them the help they need.**


	5. Now It's Face Down

**Jake POV**

Closing the door to my ramshackle cabin I'm renting off Paul's dad, I walk the few steps to the edge of the property, just enough for the ferns and moss covered trees to shield me from prying eyes. Stripping off my cargo shorts and my red maroon tee, I stuff the tee into the cargo pocket then bunch the clothes up until their a small enough wad to tie together around my ankle with the leather throng that's constantly there. Mike sent me the video of Bella and I almost had a fucking coronary when I watched it. Several times over, might I add. There was no doubt in my mind she'd sunk deeper than ever and that she'd forgotten to put her makeup on before work. Normally, the foundation and concealer was so caked on, I could see it flaked on her dry skin on other photos or videos Mike sent me but not this time. I stood from securing my clothes to my ankle and let the wolf take over my body, landing on four large paws and shaking out the red brown pelt of my spirit warrior. Voices assaulted me at once and I did my best to tune them out. This was just another routine patrol for no goddamn reason, only to appease the Warden as I'd taken to calling Sam. If he had a good reason for keeping me from Bella Swan then I'd like to hear it.

I snorted hot wet air down the length of my muzzle as a few voices in my head kept a running commentary of their own thoughts. It was nice when we could patrol and not intrude or comment on what the others were thinking. It'd been so long since we'd started phasing that we just continued on as if we couldn't hear each other at all.

I had thanked Mike for the video when he reluctantly spilled the beans about telling Bella that I was keeping an eye on her through him. I had dialed him immediately with my heart in my throat. She had to have been completely pissed off at me. Come to find out, she had been surprised and a little shy about it, at least to Mike it'd seemed. I was thankful for that small reprieve, though a little piece of me had hoped that if she had ever found out I was watching out for her, albeit from afar, she would come to me and I wouldn't have to obey Sam's order because I was allowed anywhere on the rez. No restrictions. Unfortunately that didn't seem to be the case because here it was a week later and I hadn't heard from either Mike nor Bella. I was getting antsy and was planning on texting Mike as soon as patrol was over, before dinner. I let my mind wander as my nose scented the crisp afternoon air for any sign of sickly vampire sweet, even as my shoulders bumped purposefully into the tree trunks to leave my scent. If any vampire did ever dare to cross into La Push, they would smell our apparently unappealing odor and hopefully scram. Jared continued on his own patrol on the opposite side of the rez where I was, everyone else phased out from their end shift for the day. He had decided to take to the coast while I kept inland behind the rural community in case any ticks tried coming down the mountains.

My mind kept wandering to Bella on Mike's video. How her eyes were sunken in and hollow; dead looking. Her hands worked tirelessly over the sandwich she made Mike and she looked directly at the camera once. I felt like she could see into my soul, even though she immediately curled in on herself and hid behind her curtain of stringy, dingy hair. I could still remember how she used to smell. Strawberries and honey with just a hint of sweet flowers. My heart beat faster just remembering the way she used to hug me and let me hold her, my nose pressed into her once luscious, thick hair. However, it wasn't Bella I was currently scenting and I found myself getting further from the reservation, closer to the bottom of Gunderson Mountain. I was closer to Forks than I should have been but still just this side of La Push so Sam couldn't lord any crap over me. I followed the scent, ignoring Jared's questions about nomads. This was not the sickly sweet bleach-like smell of a leech. This was heavy with the scent of raspberries and whipped cream. Thoughts of my late mother's famous belgian waffles with raspberry pudding and homemade whipping cream came to mind and I was instantly anxious to see who this scent belonged to. My mouth began to water and I licked my chops even as I slowed my pace. I could tell that I was getting closer to the scent as it was more concentrated up here on the lowest slope of the mountain. A whisper of a song reached my ears and I found myself completely enchanted as the trees and thick green brush disappeared, opening up to a shallow, deep cave. There was a single flickering orange light deep inside and I crept low on my stomach, so as not to alert the owner of this beautiful scent.

The song was familiar but as much as I recognized it, it also took me a moment to. The tempo was extremely slow and her voice carried low as if she was in pain while she sang. The soft scent of salt and water reached me then and I had to stifle a whine at the back of my throat when I realized the person inside was crying as she sang Shatter Me by Lindsey Sterling. Her voice was heavy with sadness but her words never wavered as she continued to sing the song just above a whisper as if she were afraid someone might catch her out here, miles from home, sitting in a dark cave all by herself.

I didn't catch the irony that I've done just that.

Deciding I'd better not intrude or scare the living daylights out of her if she were to spot me, I crept backward until I was able to move freely and circle the area. A lone human at the bottom of a mountain would make perfect snack for any wild animal, let alone a vampire so I decided to keep watch. It had nothing at all to do with the scent that reminded me of my favorite breakfast dessert.

As the last notes of the song came to an end, I parked my butt behind a large boulder that was littered with specks of growing moss and dead little twigs from the gigantic trees above. The rustle of paper against fingertips and what sounded like canvas shuffled around until footsteps made their way toward the shallow entrance of the cave. The figure was hunched over to scoot out of her hideaway and I recognized her immediately, angry with myself that I'd been basically stalking my own goddamn imprint. I turned away sharply with a huff that was apparently too loud because Laurie hollered my way.

"You can't sneak up on me, you know. I've known you were there the entire time. Nice to know you finally decided to show yourself." Her words were bitter and breaking. I could hear the sadness in them.

Finally the words themselves registered with me and I spun around to look at her, my wolf eyes wild with confusion. Laurie was staring right at me, her shoulders squared, holding a walking stick and a flashlight, a backpack secured to her back.

"Yes, I know it's you Jacob Black." This time she sounded resigned as she heaved a heavy sigh and turned back toward the reservation. "Someday." She whispered.

For some reason, it physically hurt to turn away from her and finish patrol.

 **Maggie POV**

Stupid bó, getting herself into these stupid situations. I grabbed a towel from the side of the vanity, where they were folded nicely on a wire towel rack and drenched it with cold water from the tap. Wringing it out just slightly, I brought it into the bedroom where a vile smelling Bella lay in a pool of her own vomit. The stupid cow had finally hit her lowest low and if her mate did not arrive in the next week, he was going to have the wrath of this angry soith to deal with. He was supposed to be here at her lowest and if this was not it, then I was not prepared for what was coming. As it was, Bella practically overdosed herself with a goofy smile on her face and when I came up to check on her before leaving, after picking my jaw up off the floor with the way she dismissed me, I find her convulsing. The white foam and yellow bile bubbled out the side of her slaked blue lips as the larger chunks of vomit obstructed her airway. The seizures had thrown her arms akimbo and her legs were knotted in the sheets on top of the now filthy mattress. Her shirt was torn and her fingernails had created scratches on her collarbone where her subconscious tried to save herself unsuccessfully. After I had cleared her airway and turned her onto her side, she proceeded to vomit the yellow and white bile all over the floor. It smelled rancid and I was quick to clean it up so that it did not seep into the carpet and create a forever lasting odor.

Now that Bella was breathing on her own and humming in her drug induced state as if she had not almost died from exsanguination, I mopped her brow with the ice cold rag, cleaning her of the last of the sweat and spew. The girl was supposed to be stronger than this. Carlisle had told me how selfless and wonderful she was, and do not get this ole lass wrong, I have seen the golden heart and shining beauty that is known of Isabella Swan, but it is hard to keep in mind when she drugs herself up and lies to everyone around her.

The lies are useless, of course. No one believes she is just a depressed cailín. She would have gotten over that by now. Or she would have if she had faced it head on instead of burying it deep down inside underneath a thousand pounds of hearóin. Nasty stuff. Nothing but heartache and headaches. I have seen the likes of the wealthiest humans brought to their noses by using the drug. Never once has it done anyone any good. My phone buzzed in my pocket as I continued to lightly bathe her face. Bella smiled dimly, her thin lips cracked and dry. Her dreams are good when she uses, I understand but there is a much healthier way to deal with her drama and if she would just listen to me...My phone buzzed again and I cursed a blue streak when I saw it was Siobhan. The fat sow wanted me to call her right back because she was missing another covenmate. While she knows that I am in the states on request of favor for Carlisle Cullen, our very close friend, the other disappeared in the middle of the night, nary an explanation and she was worried he had gotten himself into a cath. I shook my head as the frantic text messages kept coming in and I sent her a one word message, putting her on hold until I could get away from Bella. I put the damp cloth I used to wipe her head and neck in the white wicker hamper by the door and left the room, shutting the door with a quiet snick behind me.

Getting close to two am here, that put the time at seven am in the County Wicklow, south of Dublin. While we did not see the need to integrate ourselves into the human society as much as the Cullen family does, we do not keep to our complete lonesome either. We have lived in the bottom of Wicklow Mountains National Park for decades upon decades and the townspeople all the way from Kilkenny to Letterkenny knew of the strange eyed beings and treated us as normal folks. The good folks of Ireland believed that if they spread good morrows and respectful farewells, the odd almost demon-like people of Wicklow Mountains would do them no harm. They were silly in their superstitions though. We never hunted close to home so they were always safe.

Siobhan was getting antsy and even Liam was having a hard time calming her down, choosing also to bodhraigh me as well. Locking the front door of the duplex, I left the same way I got there, on foot, as I dialed Siobhan.

"About fucking time, Mags! Where the fuck are ya?" She shouted at me as soon as she answered.

Grinning mischievously, I said, "Well hello to you too, my beautiful covenmate. How are you doing this fine morning? Must be a grand day in Ireland if you're this cheerful already!"

My snarky greeting was unwelcome as she snarled directly into the mouthpiece of her iPhone. She better be careful doing that if she doesn't want to go back to androids. I know how much she hates the blasted things.

"Have you heard from him at all, Mags." Siobhan more demanded than asked.

Troy was a new covenmate to our little group. He was tall and handsome and when he came to us, freshly newborned from one Victoria...The same red headed vampiress that had been hunting my new friend, Siobhan had hoped that he would make a suitable mate for me. However, I could rather feel that he wasn't attracted to me, nor I to him as he shut himself away and begged us to end his pitiful existence. When none of us would do so, even though Liam was vastly sick of his whining, he stopped talking for weeks. He still hadn't said a word to us before I had to leave on assignment for our good friend. Siobhan begged me to take him, teach him the vampire ways if he wasn't interested in learning from her or Liam, but Troy made it very clear that he was fine right where he was, locked away in the bottom of the basement. Siobhan thought he was being stubborn. I knew the native born man was just waiting for the right moment.

"I haven't heard from him, Siobhan and if I do, I'll be sure to give ya a ring, ya hear? He has not massacred any of Wicklow has he now?" I inquired, almost jokingly. Troy seemed to have spectacular control.

Liam had taught him how to hunt with more stealth as Victoria had him rampaging through cities as if there was no law. We had to remind him that he had been a human not that long ago and humans knew nothing of the existence of vampires. He inquired of eating animals and we told him to have a go of it if he wanted. Carlisle and his whole family seemed to like the idea and it was peculiar to me that he thought of it at all. He said his maker warned him of the golden eyed and if she was scared of those vampires with golden eyes, then he wanted them too so that she would be afraid of him. I let him have his beliefs. One day he would learn the truth and if not, it mattered none.

"I'm just worried. The poor fucker still never spoke one word even after you left. We tried talking to him. He would only leave to hunt and go right back into the basement like a leper." Her thick lilt made me miss home and my covenmates.

"Perhaps he found his reason to exist." I suggested as lightly as I could, as I continued jogging through the forest. There was no need to run full speed when I lived only a couple of miles from Bella's duplex.

My mind went to our odd covenmate and I thought about how he might be doing. I can only assume to know where he's going and that he is keeping a low profile. At over six and a half feet tall, Troy was from Native American culture with his sharp features and inky black hair. He had a build that almost rivaled Emmett Cullen's and skin that was darker than the pale white of a caucasian vampire, though not as dark as our Amazonian friends. His hair fell straight down his back to just underneath his shoulder blades and he never seemed to feel the need to put it up. He came to us with only the torn clothes on his back and being so much taller than our short Liam, we took turns measuring him and buying him suitable clothes to wear.

"Well, if he hasn't, he better find his way back here. I kind of miss him already." She grumbled.

"I almost wonder if that's a lie." I joked. "He's a grown vampire. Let him be. Perhaps he will turn up or perhaps he's gone to be a nomad and we'll only see him in passing here and then." I countered lightly. "Besides, now you've got the house all to yourself with your mate. Make use of it, sister." I teased her.

Siobhan chuckled deeply before asking how my trip to the States was fairing. "Not very well, I'm afraid. Bella here has hit rock bottom and I'm not sure how much more her body can take before it gives out. I can hear how sluggish her heart is and the blood in her veins is so tired. Carlisle doesn't want me to let her die but I have a feeling her mate is supposed to be the one to change her, not me." I confided in my friend. I didn't get to talk to Bella in depth about Alice's vision. I knew that I was only supposed to tell her what I did, so Alice's vision did play out the way she saw it but I never agreed with the secrecy of her sight. I'd had every intention of telling her all of my theories. I felt that Bella deserved to know more so I was shocked when she dismissed me so and went upstairs to escape. I should not have been surprised, but I was nonetheless.

Siobhan and I spoke for a long time as I lounged on my back in the forest. There was no real reason for me to go in to my home as a normal human would when getting home late and lounging under the stars that only I could see through the thick cloud cover that constantly hovered over Forks made me feel happy. As the night turns into day, I glanced at my phone's time. The battery was about to die anyhow so I bid my covenmate goodbye and went inside the tiny one bedroom home. It wasn't much, but I had been able to rent it off a friend of Mrs. Mallory once I'd gotten a job at her store. The wicked cow wasn't very friendly but she had turned me in the right direction and before I knew it, I was renting a tiny house completely furnished. Tiny homes were not really all that popular in the Olympic Peninsula because of the dampness all year round but whomever put this one together did a fantastic job. My keen sight and sense of smell could not detect any seeping mildew or mold. In colors of gold, brown, and bronze, the small kitchen and lounge were linked together in one small seven by seven room that led straight into a bathroom with a pocket door. Tiny homes were all about functionality and using any and every space you could. Above the bathroom was a ladder that could be pulled down to climb into a loft bedroom. It was walled in with a pocket door as well, though only half the size of a normal door since it was upstairs in a loft. Such a perfectly small space for a perfectly small vampire.

I had today off from Forks Variety, as did Bella. I knew she would need the day to recover and probably to be alone with her thoughts so I decided to go on a hunting trip. I would be back by daylight tomorrow, showered and dressed for my afternoon shift with Bella tomorrow night. Locking the door after throwing a change of clothes into a canvas bag, I ran east away from Forks, toward Seattle, bypassing it and continuing on to Spokane where I would feed. Hopefully by the time I get back into town, the new case of contacts I ordered will be in. I had been running low and would not want to get caught without them.

 **Thanks for reading! Please leave a review and let me know how it's going! Do you like it? What are your thoughts? Be kind :)**


	6. Erase All The Lies

I could hear the wind howling outside my bedroom window before I even opened my eyes. My throat felt sticky and my teeth had a film on them that felt almost fuzzy. The last three fingers of my left hand were completely numb from the way I had fallen asleep on that arm and I wiggled them to try getting them to wake up, sending sleepy tingles all the way to my elbow. I groaned when I flopped onto my back and finally opened my eyes. I wasn't sure why but my entire body felt like I'd been run over by a truck. Every muscle protested when I tried to stretch, as if I'd been in one position for the entire night. The scent of stale vomit hung in the air though there was no sign of a mess. Above my head, the pine tree swayed dangerously toward the duplex and I shuddered to think of me dying from being pinned underneath the giant if it ended up crashing through the place. When I felt like I was awake enough to move, I swung my legs off the mattress, noting and dismissing the fact that my needle was in the trash can by the bed. Bits and pieces of last night made their way into my conscious memory as my bladder made itself known, demanding I give it relief.

My head was pounding as if someone forgot that it wasn't made of wood and was trying to hammer twelve inch spikes into it. Groggy from coming off the high, I stumbled out of the bedroom with my eyes half open, batting at the rare sunlight streaking through the blinds in the hallway before I ducked into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Branches from the tree outside the window fluttered furiously in front of the sunbeams, causing a strobing effect across the floor that didn't help my headache at all. I must've vomited in the night because I can taste it lingering on my tongue but looking in the mirror now all I see is sweat caked hair and sunken eyes. Jesus Christ, I look like I'm dead already. My heart plummets down to my toes. No one would give a fuck if I died anyway.

No. I lean my palms on the vanity and stare at myself. "No." I say out loud, my voice croaking from sleepy disuse. "People care. Maggie, Jake, Mike." I vow to myself to repeat that to my mirror's image every minute that I think someone doesn't care. I now know different. "Mike, Maggie, and Jake. They care." I stare sternly at myself until I feel ridiculous, then I go about my bathroom business.

Thoroughly cleaned up after a shower and a change of clothes, I start a cup of tea while thinking of what Maggie told me last night before I demanded she leave. Alice's vision be damned, there is no one out there for me. There's no burning sun. The only sun that had been in my life was Jake and he made it perfectly clear to me that he doesn't want anything to do with me. Even knowing he is having Mike keep an eye on me, reporting back to him about my daily endeavors, it doesn't justify that he's completely walked out on our friendship.

Besides, I never liked him like that anyway. While Jacob seemed to harbor romantic feelings for me when I was deep down in my Edward depressed state, I hadn't reciprocated in the least. He was friendly, always shining brightly with a beautiful smile or endearing nickname for me, but I had not once been attracted to him in a romantic sense. He's gorgeous, anyone can see, but he's just not my type.

 _Nah, apparently your type leaves you lying on the forest floor like a moron_. I reprimand myself, trying in vain to ignore the burning edges of the hole in my chest. It's not really there. It's just a figment of my imagination just like Edward's voice was. Circling the tea with my spoon to stir the sugar and creamer, I take the mug to the dinette and ponder what I'm supposed to do now. Being sober is boring, I realize, and I don't have anything at all to do until work this afternoon. It is only 9:30 in the morning and I'm clean, my house is clean, and I have no friends. I prop my cheek on my fist and silently ponder this 'burning sun'. The cryptic message Maggie wasn't even supposed to tell me is all I can think about and all I want to do is ignore it and plunge the needle into my arm again. To let the liquid heaven weave its way through my body, lifting my subconscious to new and exciting universes. When I'm high, nothing can get me down. However, I don't like to shoot up before work. It's never led me to anything good, as yesterday proved.

As I sip the tea, mindful of the heat that steams my bottom lip, I realize that Mike probably _was_ filming me yesterday. Though it's hard to believe it was only yesterday after the roller coaster with Maggie and then my trip to outer space. I also realize it was a surprisingly short trip this time. If I can recall correctly, I don't believe that Maggie left until close to two am. Usually I'm fading for a lot longer than a few hours. Maybe I'm feeling a bit myself because of last night's revelations. Knowing Mike is checking on me, whether it's for Jake or not, gives me a purpose. It makes me want to do better. I don't need the H.

I snort. Of course I do. Gulping the last of the tea down, I rinse the mug and set it inside the sink to wash later. The only reason I started doing heroin in the first place is still the reason I continue to do it today. It seals the hole in my chest. The _imaginary_ hole, but a gaping circle of angry darkness nonetheless. Walking into my bedroom, I find a pair of clean jeans and my black Forks Variety shirt and dress. Slipping my phone into my back pocket after taking it off the charger for the first time in three days, I head back out to the living room. Surely there's something I can do to kill the time until work. Grabbing the remote and flipping on Netflix on the Roku, I turn on a mindless documentary that serves more as background noise than it does entertainment. The lions on the television rub their faces together and lick each others necks in affection as David Attenborough talks about the mating rituals of the large cats.

That's right, Edward found his mate. As much as I'd already convinced myself that I couldn't be his mate because of the way he left me and because of the words he used before he did, it still hurt to have it confirmed. To know for sure that he found his one and only and is so happy somewhere, licking her neck and cuddling her face. I can feel the scowl between my eyebrows and work to smooth them out because I'm not supposed to care. The television once again comes into focus and I have to keep my butt planted on the old sofa or I'm going to say to hell with work and go straight back to la la land. Was there a reason Maggie told me about Edward?

 _Probably so you could finally move on,_ The traitorous voice in my head whispered.

It was true though. Maggie has proven several times that she gave a damn about me and I only just last night let that sink in. Perhaps because she cares, she wants me to do better and in order to do better I need to hear that Edward has moved on because I need to move on. The runaround commentary in my head isn't doing my headache any favors and I turn my body to lay on the couch, tilting my head to the right so I can still see the flat screen and ignore the images. Maggie also said something about me living forever. Why would she even insinuate that? Was it just a turn of phrase for her? Does she believe that I have a reason to live forever? Could my mate be out there? Could it even be possible? The cryptic words from the night before scurry through my mind, thinking that maybe she does think I have a mate out there. Perhaps Alice put that in her head. She's adamant that I get clean and though the mere thought of never shooting up again sends a terrifying shiver of fear down my spine, I sort of agree with her. Why am I killing myself? For a man...a vampire that doesn't give two shits about me? Who probably hasn't thought twice about me since he dumped me and left me for dead on the forest floor? Okay, so he probably figured I would go back down the path and into my house to cry myself to sleep and honestly, that's what I _should_ have done. Instead, I ran after the fastest vampire I know in the dark, cold, wet forest of Forks, Washington like a frigging moron. There is no reason to let him hold any part of me ever again! He cannot have my heart. He cannot have my pain. He cannot have any of it. Not that he wants it anyway.

But then I remember the rest of the Cullens.

Alice was supposed to be my very best friend. She told me so when she first met me. Grasping onto my arm and declaring that we would be the best of friends with a wide grin on her perfect elvin face. Esme and Carlisle, both of whom welcomed me into their family, into their homes with open arms and stinky smelling food they couldn't stand simply because Edward's human girlfriend ate something different from them. Rose didn't give me the warm and fuzzies so I understand why she didn't say goodbye and Jasper barely tolerated the human for Alice's sake. Like I was just a hamster in a cage that could be ignored, so I can see why he wouldn't think to say goodbye. But Emmett and Alice? Emmett treated me as a walking joke, sure, but he was so tender hearted and always had a goofy smile for me and kind words. He had even stood up to Rose a few times when she was being particularly rude. How could those two not say goodbye? How could Esme and Carlisle leave as if I meant nothing?

It wasn't their voices I had been hearing though. It was Edward's. It wasn't a trick that vampires had like I had thought. In my weakest delusions, I had thought maybe vampires could check in on me from afar, not unlike Alice and her future seeking but as an apparition of sorts. Edward's voice always tried to guide me to do the right thing, to stay out of trouble, to stay healthy and not hurt myself. When I didn't want to believe I was crazy, I had hoped that he had really been there, in some other form, looking over me and out for me.

Unfortunately that wasn't the case. While I was on this side of the world going crazy then becoming a drug addict, he was on the other side most likely in the throes of passion with some breathtaking blonde, laughing it up about the pitiful human he once toyed with.

I do wish that the Cullens had thought enough about me to give me a goodbye but in the sober light of day, I realize suddenly and harshly that since they couldn't do that for me, there's not one goddamn reason why I need to think of them any longer. No more Edward, no more Cullens. None of them. And Alice can take her cryptic bullshit about the burning sun and fuck off for all I care.

With a vengeance, my anger returns and I can feel it filling the hole with something other than the light and love it needs. Bitter tears fill my eyes and I don't bother to wipe at them when I blink and they fall, dripping off the side of my nose and down my neck. I feel like there's another epiphany going on inside me. As if I am purging all of the anger and hate I've felt for the Cullens and Edward these last two years. Once the hole seems to be near to bursting, it overflows and falls out onto the floor and I imagine I can see it squishing away on the floor like a big black blob, further from me until it evaporates into oblivion and with it, goes all my anger and bitterness about the Cullens. I decided then and there that I will not ever waste another second on them. They couldn't give a damn about me, well, they'll get it ten fold.

With that revelation decided, it feels as if I'm lighter and I find myself grinning from ear to ear while lying on the sofa, still staring at the television. Another episode of David Attenborough's documentaries is running, this time about funny looking birds down in Madagascar. He's talking in his British accent about how the birds are making sure the trees they love to eat from get from one end of the country to the other by consuming the berries then pooing them out in another area. I'm not sure if he knows this for sure or if it's just speculation because gardening seems like an awful lot to put on a bird. My stomach rumbles so I sit up and go find breakfast. It's nearly lunchtime and I usually wait to eat until I get to work because it's free food but I skipped breakfast so I should make something. It's not like I don't need it. I could stand to put on a few pounds or ten honestly. The wind picks up outside, slamming the swinging branches of the oak and pine trees together. Leaves from neighbor's yards probably two towns over swirl in the air like tiny tornadoes and I watch from the window over the kitchen sink as I made myself some ramen in one of those microwave quick cookers I got from the dollar store. An eerie feeling of being watched crept over me and I peek out the window. The sun is shining brightly and it looks as if nothing is out there but I can't be positive. I certainly don't have the eyesight of a vampire, that's for sure. Starting the microwave for three minutes, I turn around and march out of the kitchen, down the hall, making sure I stay in sight of any windows, seeing if the feeling follows me.

It doesn't.

Back in the kitchen by the time the oven beeps, I use potholders to grab the cooker and drain most of the liquid from the noodles before adding the spice mix. I don't care if it's called ramen _soup_. I'd rather eat it _soupless_. The feeling of having eyes on my every move leaves as I sit down to eat and I breathe a sigh of relief. I'm probably just being paranoid anyway. Washing the dishes after my quick lunch, I run to the bathroom to apply my mask because it's nearing time to leave for work. It's a long process to make the dark circles under my eyes disappear so I spend extra time using concealer and foundation before I swipe a thin sheen of light blush across my cheekbones. Choosing a bright green that shimmers gold in the right lighting for my shadow, I grab my liquid liner. The eyeliner goes on thick on my upper lids while I only apply a thin pencil waterline mark at the outer edges of my lower lid. Swooping the black mascara on my lashes, I give them two coats, making them look longer than they are and bat my eyelashes in the mirror at myself. My heart rate thumps hard twice in my chest as my stomach twists.

"You can do this. You promised yourself you'd try." I grip the edge of the porcelain sink and peer closer into my reflections eyes. "You _will_ try, dammit." Taking a deep breath, I sigh out the three names I've recently discovered care about me then finally leave the bathroom, batting the light switch to the off position as I go.

Slipping into my car, I get to work with just ten minutes to spare and kind of wish I smoked cigarettes to kill time but then I remember I'm trying to kick one addiction...So let's not start up another!

Steve is counting the safe and there's four bags of unwrapped quarters on the counter below the cigarette rack. His friendly greeting of 'Hey kiddo!' makes me smile and we joke back and forth easily as I start counting the quarters to sleeve them up and stick into the safe. Maggie is already in the kitchen, serving up orders for customers who called them in before I got here. We take turns doing the kitchen shifts. It's never really stated but more implied that the first one who gets here, relieves the kitchen staff. I usually try to beat Maggie here because I love hiding behind the stainless steel counters and avoiding the customers of Forks and La Push as often as I can.

Mrs. Mallory isn't here today and I'm actually thankful. Her glares and condescending remarks send shivers down my spine. She's not actually mean to me but I get the very strong vibe that she doesn't like me and the way she talks about every other co-worker here behind their backs, I would not be surprised if she talked about me as well. Steve moves his chair out of the way of the cash register, signalling his end of shift and my start, so I ring up customers as he continues to work beside me, facing the racks of cigarettes as he does his inventory. Inventory days have become my favorite because Steve is such a great person to get along with. He is friendly without giving off a creeper vibe, he jokes but never too raunchy and he cares with all his heart. I know that my boss would give me the shirt off his back if I needed it and I love working for someone like him. If it was just his wife, Mrs. Mallory I was working for, I definitely wouldn't hold her to the same standard. The first couple of hours goes quickly, taking Steve with them, and before I know it, Maggie is finished with the coolers and has the kitchen in pristine condition. Sometimes I wonder if the cameras really work, considering she must use some of her vampiric abilities to get into the crevices she gets to. It usually takes me until after the dinner rush to get the coolers done and here it is only four pm.

This is about the time there's a lull in the customers so Maggie grabs the broom to slowly sweep around the store and I grab a dusting rag and spray some Lysol on it to wipe down racks and candy that has sat for a while, collecting whatever customers bring in with them when they pass by. We make idle chat but neither of us speaks of last night. I know I should tell her what I've decided but the stubborn part of me refuses because she's the one who pushed herself into my life. Then again, she cared enough to check on me in the first place. My decisions are torn and then ripped out of my hands when Maggie's sly whisper reaches me as she sweeps behind me. I'm bent low, squatting to dust the candy on the bottom shelving.

"You should have died last night, cailín."

My face spun around so fast, I almost toppled from my squatting position as I locked eyes with her. The muddy purple meets mine for a moment as she continues moving away from me, the broom never stopping it's sweeping motions. Her tiny, deceivingly delicate frame sways as she sweeps the floors and I'm stuck staring after her as my mind runs a million miles an hour. I think back to how I woke up, feeling like my entire muscular structure had been encased in concrete. My eyes had felt like sludge glued them together, the migraine which is still lingering had made it nearly impossible to continue opening my eyes. The taste of vomit in my mouth but no sign of a mess in sight. Had Maggie been there in my bedroom? Had I almost overdosed or choked to death in my drug induced coma?

A customer opening the door, ringing the bell above it, shook me out of my stare and I stood up shakily on cracking knees as my body still continued to work out the kinks of last night's issues. I slapped on the customer service face and smiled brightly, faking the happy cashier with all I had as I chatted amiably with the next several customers. A favorite of mine walked in quietly, going straight to the back of the store where the pop is housed in the cooler, and taking his time as he made his way to the front. He always was slow when other customers were in here. He wanted to talk and chat and poke fun. He was a terrible flirt but he only did it in the privacy of the convenience store where the only other witness was usually hidden in the kitchen.

"Yo, rockstar." I joked as he finally set his loot on the counter. I slowly rung his items up.

"How ya doin' Bella? It's been a long time. Been a long time." He said, his bright white teeth on display as he grinned at me. His eyes were shifty, like always. I could tell he was uncomfortable flirting but it was just his persona, how he got through the awkward, as if he were self conscious about everything. In all honesty, he had nothing to be self conscious about. He was over six feet tall, seemed to be in good shape, though I'd never seen him in anything other than a long sleeved black v-neck sweater and well fit jeans. His blonde hair was very light and shaved close to his head. Long dark lashes framed his light blue eyes and his sharp jaw and thick neck made him very attractive.

"I'm great. How have you been?" I asked Brian before giving him his total. He stuck his credit card in the machine and followed it's orders as he told me about his latest gig in a small dive bar a couple towns over.

"You should come sometime." He invited again. "You should bring a hot date. Or maybe you could bring one of your hot co-workers." He waved his hand dismissively. "Nah, never mind. You don't wanna watch me play guitar." His voice was jovial and loud, as always, putting me at ease as he flirted and joked around.

I rolled my eyes as I bagged up his pop and candy bar. "Every time you invite me, I ask where at, and you tell me hell or wherever else that is _not_ the actual place you play. I will make it out one of these days. Promise."

"No, no. Really, don't. We suck." He laughed as he backed out the door, laughing at my protestations. "Take care of yourself, Bella. Don't be a stranger." His words got louder as he kept walking away and I just laughed as I waved goodbye.

After ringing out a few more customers and making small talk with them, I started walking back toward the kitchen, pretending to check that all the coffee urns were emptied and clean. When I tip-toed closer to the edge of the counter where she worked, Maggie finally glanced up at me. Her hands were encased in nitrile gloves as she spread sauce and cheese on a large pizza dough. I could feel my face getting hotter the more nervous I became. I knew I had to have this talk with her. I'd already made up my mind to get clean. It would be a horrible road and I should ask for her help but I wasn't sure she would do it. I had to know more about last night before I could tell her my decisions and subsequently ask her for help. The eerie feeling of being watched was back but I shrugged it off and dismissed it as paranoia. Plenty of cameras and customers were around all evening, so I couldn't afford to be looking over my shoulder for a ghost.

Squaring my shoulders, meeting Maggie's eyes, I opened my mouth to ask what happened last night.


	7. Steel Toes Crush Strings

After work that night, I had already begun feeling ill as I took the trash to the dumpster behind the store. Maggie bid me goodnight and told me she would be checking in on me in the middle of the night. I had confessed to her my decisions after she confessed to keeping me alive last night. I felt like a complete tool. I _always_ remembered to lay on my side. Never having tried to detox before because I was always afraid Edward's voice would come back, I felt the headache by the end of my shift, though it hadn't ever really left the entire day. I could feel my muscles screaming at me for being on my feet all day and of course the seizures the night before as well. Maggie warned me about how I would be feeling for the next couple days and promised to be there for me by the third day. She said she would cover for me with Steve and Mrs. Mallory, even going so far as to laugh at me when I said I'd be fine to work.

"My, lass. You have no idea what you're in for!" Her thick Irish lilt was amused, though I was not. "By the time day three and four come, you'll be in full withdrawal. Do you want to know what you're in for?"

I meekly nodded my head, though I wasn't quite sure I wanted to know. Better to be prepared though, right?

"The first two days will be nothin' compared to what ya will experience later. First comes the muscle aches and the panic attacks. You'll swear up and down a hit will make ya feel better but it won't. It'll only screw up and delay your quitting. You musn't let it get to ya. You can do this, lass. I know ya can." She had pet my arm, her eyes filled with determined consternation. She had faith that I could get through this.

However, the more she spoke, the less likely I felt that I would even survive.

Continuing scaring the crap out of me, she said, "Then comes the stomach cramps and sweating. You'll get chills and probably be throwing up everywhere but don't you worry cailín beag, I will be there for you by then. My cool temperature will help when you are sweating like a stuck pig and then I can throw ya in the shower when you are shivering like I threw ya in the arctic."

Oh good heavens and God above. What had I gone and got myself into? Why had I ever tried heroin in the first place?

Reading the look on my face correctly, Maggie waited until we had locked up the door to the store and I finished counting my drawer down before throwing the final nail in my over worn coffin.

"Bella, those terrible symptoms will last you probably a week or so. I don't know how much you were dosing yourself but you have been using for over a year and a half. So it may even be longer than that." She paused and I was hoping she would say I'd feel better after that first week. She shit right on that idea immediately. "Now, while you will stop vomiting and your aches will probably go away for the most part, the withdrawal will last a good year and a half or better. Maybe even two years."

I stopped halfway to the dumpster with the trash in my hands. "Two fucking years?" How was I going to stand being so ill for two years? Then I realized I already had been. "Ugh. Never mind." I knew I could do it. I could. I would. I had to. People counted on me. Jake might not be able to hang out with me or see me or even stand me but he seemed to care enough. I'd do it for our old friendship. I'd do it for Mike Newton who cared enough to stalk me in the middle of the night in his own creepy friendly way. I'd do it for Maggie, who has been watching over me for Carlisle for almost two full years. I would do it.

"I know you can do it too, lass." She bid me farewell as we left the store.

Now, back at home and in my bed, I was regretting dumping the rest of my H down the toilet. The spoons I had used to liquefy the fine powder were in the trash. I never wanted to see them again. Brand new needles were thrown away and the old ones were in a cardboard box labeled correctly. Maggie assured me she would get them disposed of properly tonight. Before I crawled into bed, I changed my bedding and sprayed my room down with disinfectant. I wanted to start completely fresh and clean, even showering extra long, in super hot water. It had helped my sore muscles a little bit. Maggie warned me not to take too much ibuprofen or other over the counter meds to feel better. She didn't want me to get hooked on something else while I came down off the heroin.

My hands were shaky as I pulled the covers up to my chin and held them there. I was lying flat on my back, staring at the plaster splattered ceiling. The feeling of being watched continued but my paranoia was overshadowed by the knowledge of what I was about to go through.

And boy, did I go through it.

For the next four days, I threw up in the same mop bucket so many times, I would have to throw it away. There was no way I could get the stench out of the cheap plastic of it. Maggie made good on her promise, bringing me heating pads and her cold hands, making sure I ate soup and sipped water, even though it came right back up. My panic attacks were at tip top psychosis level. Edward loomed over me with his black eyes and bared teeth, his tan overcoat shredded and covered in blood. I screamed in his face to leave me alone before cowering behind a tree. Turns out there was no Edward or tree. I was behind my dresser, which should have been impossible as it had been pushed against the wall. In my panic, I had pulled it away from the wall and scampered not _around_ it but _over it_. Even going so far as to open the drawers and climb up them in my bare feet before knocking everything off the top while I screamed at Edward. Nattie had called Mike and he had come rushing over at two am on night five. Maggie had answered the door and calmed a frantic Mike down while Nattie hid behind him, eyes wide. She had thankfully locked me in my bathroom while they were there as I had been in full blown panic attack after not sleeping for almost two full days. Someone was watching me and though Maggie told me I was safe, I didn't believe her. I had visions of deep gold eyes set in a dark face on either side of a broad nose. Those eyes watched everything I did. Every time I vomited, every time I ran to the toilet for relief at the other end. They watched as I dressed, undressed, showered. I screamed at her that someone was seeing me at my worst but she would just click her tongue and assure me that I was safe with her.

In this latest paranoid panic attack, Edward and the other Cullens circled me while Victoria leapt from tree branch to tree branch above me. Jacob was prowling around on his hands and knees as if he were a dog, drool leaving his lips and snarling at me. His fingers were shaped like claws as he dug deep into the mud and muck, pushing the moss covered ground out of his way as if it offended him personally. He sounded like he was a real animal. The air was thick with a visible gray fog that hung in the air, causing every noise to echo as if we were all trapped in a large metal cylinder. I shivered and screamed at them to leave me alone as I pulled at my hair just to feel the sting, trying to keep myself grounded. Just as Maggie had shut the front door after reassuring the concerned step-siblings I would be just fine, the Jake of my panic attack leapt at me before bursting into an enormous dog. His fangs hung out of the side of his muzzle as he snapped at me and his tail swooshed side to side as he growled. I screamed until my throat was raw, my heart pounding so hard, I'm shocked I hadn't had a heart attack.

Maggie had soothed me down, apologizing for the delay. Her cool fingers brushed over my hairline as she promised I was safe and I watched as the Cullens disappeared in puffs of misty smoke. The Jake dog snarled and stepped back but when he turned to run, six other dogs just as large as he is, ran away with him. That's when it hit me. He wasn't a dog. He was a wolf. A huge wolf with a pack. That particular panic attack had hit me the hardest and I'd shaken in Maggie's arms for hours before passing out from sheer exhaustion. By the time day eight arrived, I was completely spent. My body had gone through the ringer and then some. I spent the next few days in bed getting waited on practically hand and foot by Maggie. Even Mike had brought over some chicken noodle soup and Nattie had checked in as well, though Maggie never let them step foot in the house. Apparently my mood swings were ones for the books.

The shakes had finally stopped by day eleven and I was finally eating and drinking more normally. Sleeping was still an issue. I always felt as if I were being watched from the trees outside my windows so when I closed my eyes, my paranoia followed me and all I dreamt about were those deep gold eyes and that broad nose. I could tell the eyes belonged to a male and figured he was a vampire with how gold his eyes were, how flawless his skin around his eyes seemed but his skin was almost as dark as Jake's. However, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't place him and hardly had the strength to try. It made me miss my best friend now more than ever. Unfortunately, he still hadn't come around or called me. I wished that I could just step away from those emotions he drove into me but it seemed as if I was torn apart inside because my best friend was no longer my best friend. I had to look at the big picture on that account. He had changed, as had I, and he was no longer someone I could count on.

Maggie, though, deserved awards in gold for how she handled my withdrawal from heroin. Even with her obvious insults and disapproving looks in the beginning, she was there for me throughout the entire thing. The only times she disappeared was when I would sleep, however fitfully, and she let me know that she'd be back as soon as she could. I felt guilty for keeping her from her life but she assured me that the human facade was boring to her and that this is what she was here to do. That did nothing to help my guilt at all. There is a lot in this situation that I blame the Cullens for. Leaving me in the first place so callously and leaving Victoria hanging around as well as dragging Maggie from her own life to look after mine. I still didn't feel worthy of her attention but she would call me a silly bó and shush me as she continued to take care of me and deal with my violent mood swings and insomnia.

Tonight was the four week mark that I had been clean from heroin. Maggie had cleared my contacts in my phone after blocking the numbers connected with my dude after threatening his life if he ever tried to contact me again. I remember throwing something at her face that day but she laughed it off after catching it gracefully and replacing it where it belonged. The gold eyes were still in the back of my mind every moment I wasn't dealing with the worst of the withdrawals and I finally made up my mind to talk to Maggie about it. She was a good conversationalist, her thick Irish twang soft and soothing most of the time. She had offered to teach me the old Irish language and I promised her that one day she could. There had still been allusions to my living forever but I never pressed her when she said the words. If anything, it made me feel completely unworthy. What would I do if I were turned into a vampire now? I had no mate. I had no family or friends beside Maggie. Would I just integrate myself into the Irish coven? How would that work with her coven leader? She had often spoken of Liam and Siobhan several times throughout the last couple of weeks and I could tell she missed them as she spoke so wistfully of their years together. It was hard to wrap my head around that I still had the option to live forever.

The front door to my duplex opened and I heard the auto lock click into place as Maggie let it shut behind her. Her arms were loaded down with grocery bags and I didn't make one move to help her because every other time I had tried, she shooed me away with a hard glare and another insult I couldn't understand. As snarky as she was, she did a very good job of taking care of me. Even throughout my vomiting and diarrhea, she managed to make me gain some weight. I wasn't anywhere close to where I should be to be considered healthy but she was making sure I was getting there. She allowed me to put the groceries away with her and as I stuck a gallon of whole milk in the refrigerator, I swallowed my pride.

"Can I talk to you about a few things, Maggie?" I broached quietly.

Setting ritz crackers in the cupboard, she nodded, "Of course, lass. You should know that you can talk to me about anything."

I did know that. She had proven that several times over.

"The problem I have with sleeping? I uh, I think it has to do with a vampire." At Maggie's sharp look, I quickly continued. "Not like a vampire is stopping me from sleeping, but more like I keep dreaming of gold eyes. And the only kinds of people I know with gold eyes are...well, you know, uh, vampires." I stuttered over my words as I tried to think of the best way to describe my issue with insomnia. I knew human people could have gold eyes, it was pretty rare however, and with my luck, I wasn't dreaming of a random human. Or maybe my dreams made no sense and I was still thinking of the Cullens too much. I tried not to and thought I was doing fairly well in that aspect.

Maggie and I finished putting away the groceries as she thoughtfully thought about what I told her before she motioned me to follow her into the living room. I poured myself a tall glass of tap water before following her and sitting adjacent to her on the couch.

Once we were both comfortable, Maggie tilted her head as she asked, "You've been dreaming of vampires?"

I shook my head as I answered, "No, um. Just one. The same deep gold eyes and broad nose every time."

"Those eyes are the reason you can't sleep? Do they scare you?" Maggie inquired softly. Her eyes expressed her concern but there was something else there that I couldn't quite make out.

"No." I repeated. "I'm not scared of him but yeah, he's the reason I can't sleep very long. I can't seem to get him out of my head at all."

Making a humming noise as she nodded, I got the feeling that Maggie was hiding something from me. I racked my brain, trying to think of anything odd she'd mentioned the last couple of weeks but I couldn't pinpoint anything in particular. I picked at a small hole in the gray sweatpants I was wearing as I contemplated the look at her face and the many emotions that flew through her eyes even though her face was impervious to change when she didn't want it to do so. The sweats were worn and soft and a little stained but they were super comfortable and perfect for another day of lounging as Maggie made sure that I had a few weeks off of work without repercussions. When she first told me I wouldn't be going to work for a while, I thought I would be fired but she assured me quite vigorously that Steve was very understanding. She still hasn't told me what she told him in order for me to take off all this time.

Sighing, I got tired of the silence. "Anyway, I wanted to know if you had any idea who else might have golden eyes. They don't remind me of any of the Cullens but I figured maybe my mind was making him up as a way to be able to think about them without _actually_ thinking about them." My words tumbled out of my mouth without my express permission and I felt my face heat up in embarrassment.

Maggie knew all too well that I was trying not to think about the family that I felt abandoned me and hurt me.

"I only know of a few other vampires with golden eyes." She started before I interrupted her.

"I know of the Denalis as well. I haven't ever met them though." Not that that seemed to matter, apparently. I had never met the owner of these dream eyes either. "And you should probably know that I'm always feeling like I'm being watched. Usually when you're not here. At work or uh, hunting or something." Whatever she did when she wasn't around me.

I knew she had still been working for Steve but she hadn't been working as many hours as she had been. She had spent most of her hours with me. I will forever owe her my gratitude. Maggie had become a very good friend to me.

"Okay then, aside from the Cullens and the Denalis, I only know of one vampire with deep gold eyes. Do you have any other descriptions for me?" She asked quite seriously.

She always took me serious and treated me as if my opinion mattered. She never made me feel as if my humanness was something bothersome. Even when she was helping me clean up my vomit or cleaning my toilet -much to my dismay- after I got sick. She listened and made me feel important. Like I mattered to her.

I closed my eyes as I envisioned the last time those eyes visited me in my dreams. There was never any other part of him that I could see. Keeping my eyes closed, I described him as much as I could. His deep gold eyes set on either side of his sharp broad nose. It almost had a native quality to it. His skin was dark like Jake's native color as well but slightly paler, the pallor of a vampire giving it that shining quality. His skin was flawless of what I could see and his eyebrows were dark and heavy over his eyes. They always seemed either captivated or concerned for me. When I opened my eyes, Maggie's eyes were trying to hide her emotions. I could see her inner war and wanted to put a stop to it. If I could be honest with her, she could be honest with me.

"What is it? You know him, don't you? Is he the vampire you know?" I asked quickly, the words blurted in my excitement to know who he was.

Maggie tilted her head again as she contemplated what to say or how to say it. "Yes, he is." Her voice was soft, perhaps confused. "There's only one way you could know what he looks like and that's if he's let you see him, however briefly."

I thought about that as I sat back against the couch and took a long sip of water. "If I've ever seen him before in my life, it was unconsciously or I just can't remember it. I know I would remember those eyes if I'd ever met him." I said with a little wonder in my voice. I couldn't help it, those eyes had haunted me nearly constantly for weeks. "Who is he?"

"That is a loaded question, lass." Maggie sighed. She shook her head to herself once before mumbling in her old language. It sounded as if she was put off. "His name is Troy. He is a very handsome native american man who was turned in Victoria's army that had been made to destroy you." She ignored my gasp of horror and continued, "but the army had destroyed itself inside out because she couldn't control them. Troy was one of the few that got away."

"Why does he have golden eyes?" I asked, intrigued about this male that Maggie knew. Of a male that I had been dreaming of.

"Victoria told her army that she was wronged by the evil golden eyed coven of the Olympic Peninsula. She gave them the understanding that they were to be feared. When Troy was able to leave undetected, he vowed to himself to bleed animals dry instead of humans. He wanted the golden eyes that made Victoria scared. If she was afraid of them, she would hopefully be afraid of him if she ever came looking for him. My coven and I took him in when we found him wandering in Ireland. He hadn't realized how far he'd gone from the States."

I felt a bit of pride for this vampire who taught himself how to feed from animals just so he could make Victoria fear him. It showed that he had immense inner strength to even attempt that diet on his own, let alone conquer it.

"He has been hanging around the area as of late, lass. I'm happy he listened and he hasn't approached because he is still a newborn but he has found an attachment here that he refuses to let go." Maggie said, her voice held a slight warning in it.

"Approached who?" I asked, though I was sure I knew the answer. Maggie looked at me as if I had two heads and I nodded. "But why me?"

A slight smile graced her lips and she pointed a finger to her heart. "He feels the pull to you, cailín. He knows you are his mate. I suspect the reason you dream of his eyes is because he let you see them, whether on purpose or accident, I cannot say."

"I don't feel anything though. Wouldn't I feel a pull of some kind?" Edward had told me once of the mating pull, and though I'd never felt it with him, I had assumed I would be able to feel it if I actually had a mate. I rubbed my chest but there was no pain there. At some point during my withdrawals, I had finally let go of Edward and the Cullens and there was no more gaping, burning hole in my chest.

"Not necessarily. You've never met, never touched. Also, you're a human. You wouldn't feel the pull like he would until you were turned. Then there would be no doubt in your mind that he was your mate. Your body and instincts would know it." She explained.

"Did you know about him being my mate?" I asked.

"Yes, lass, I did. Alice had told Carlisle that your mate would come to our coven and that we would guide him and teach him the ways of vampirism since Victoria never did. I didn't know that he was your mate until I caught his scent outside a couple of weeks ago and confronted him though. Poor lad almost took my head off thinking I was trying to hone in on his _perfect half_." She chuckled, her eyes full of mirth as she winked at me.

I felt the blush from my cheeks to my chest. "This is all so weird though." I can't wrap my head around it. I have a mate. "What if I don't want to live forever? What happens to Troy then?" Just speaking his name made me feel good inside. I tried to ignore it.

Maggie scoffed. "Dear, you don't get a choice in the matter any longer, I'm afraid."

I looked at my vampire friend as if she were nuts. "Excuse me?"

"Did they explain nothing to you?" Her lilt because thick the more angry she became. Muttering more in her old language, she took her phone out and dialed a number. Speaking too fast and too low for me to understand, I waited until she was finished. She aggressively pressed the end call button as if that would make her emotions all the more clear to the person on the other end of the line. "Of course they didn't. Why would they?"

"Explain what?" I already assumed she was talking about Carlisle and his family.

"Bella, lass. You know about vampires. By our laws, you are not allowed to live as a human any longer. Honestly, it's been too long as it was. I should have turned you myself when I first came 'round but I didn't. I was doing a favor for Carlisle, stupid leathcheann!"

"I don't...get a choice?" I had figured since the Cullens up and left me alive, that I would be able to stay human. I should have known better. They just didn't want my blood on their hands since they didn't want me.

Maggie shook her head. "No. You must either be killed or turned. I have done you a great kindness helping you get clean before you turned as I do not plan on killing you. You've become a dear friend to me and as you know, when a vampire experiences changes, it's for life. You've made me change, lass." She stood from the couch and held her hand out for me. I grabbed it, letting her pull me up as she said, "I would like you to gain a little more weight before I change you. This is all under the assumption that the Kings will not find out about you before then so I am trying to fatten you up quickly." She chuckled and I stood there dumbfounded in front of her in the living room. "I would like to formally invite you to be in our coven, Bella. Siobhan and Liam agree as much as I do. And being Troy's mate, he would definitely agree as well."

My mind was spinning with all the information I was just given. A small noise came from my throat but even I couldn't discern if it was in agreement or not and it caused Maggie to chuckle again. She led me upstairs and gently pushed me into the bathroom.

"Go get yourself cleaned up, lass. I'm going to run outside and see Troy. Now that you know he's around, maybe I can work on him coming closer." She suggested.

I didn't protest but I wanted to if the knot in my stomach had any say over it. I looked like hell constantly and wasn't even sure if everything sunk in yet. I shut the bathroom door as Maggie left the house, and started the shower. Undressing mechanically, I piled the dirty clothes in the corner and stepped into the stream as I thought about everything that she told me the last few hours. How was I supposed to wrap my head around any of this? I felt honored that she wants me in her coven, her covenmates do as well. It made me feel so good, so wanted. Knowing there's someone for me, waiting for me and will be mine forever and ever was not just calming but it was upsetting as well.

I washed my hair and body slowly as I thought everything through. I had given up on wanting to be a vampire for two years. I had decided to kill myself though I could never bring myself to do it. Is this why? Is it because there was something in my body, deep inside my subconscious, telling me that I had a reason to live? More than a reason! I have a mate! I dimly watched the suds rinse off my body and swirl around the drain before finally disappearing. The water temperature was getting cold so I turned off the shower and got out, grabbing the white and purple towel that was hung nicely on the towel rack beside the toilet. One thing Maggie made me do was go out and get all new towels and bedding, saying I had ruined all the old ones with the stench of drugs and vomit. I didn't even argue with her, simply picking out new ones and ordering them online with her credit card. Together we had cleaned the duplex up and down, left and right to be absolutely sure there was nothing left hidden anywhere that I could get my hands on. She absolutely, thoroughly, made sure that I was not going to get high again.

I feel better than I had in years. For the first time in two years I felt good. Not as good as I felt when I first moved to Forks with Charlie, but almost. I fell into bed in just a towel, my hair wetting the pillow under me but I didn't care. My mind spun round and round as I thought about Troy. _Troy_. Such a nice name to match beautiful eyes. I tried to remember if there had been any disappearances around the area before I was completely wasted out of my mind but nothing sprang up. He was Native American, Maggie had said, so he was either from the Quileute tribe or Neah Bay, the two closest reservations to Forks. I couldn't imagine Victoria going further to create an army against me. It seemed laughable. An army of vampires for one little human. There is no love lost knowing she is finally gone of this world.

Another thing to think about is my lack of options. I shouldn't care, honestly. I was ready to kill myself in the first place but for some reason, knowing I don't have a choice makes me want to rebel any how. It's a silly feeling and I push it aside. Goosebumps appear on my arms and legs so I finally get up off the bed and dry off properly before slipping on another pair of sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt. I flip my pillow over so I can lay on the dry side and I pull the covers over me. I was feeling exhausted after everything that was dumped on me. I felt like I had emotional overload and needed a nap. Maybe when I woke up things would seem clearer.


	8. All That Glitters

Sam POV

The sun was setting quickly and I watched its rays cast shadows throughout the house from my place at the kitchen table as Emily cooked dinner. I had been abnormally silent the last few weeks and I knew it was starting to bother her but instead of prying, she would find a spare moment and just hold my hand between her two small ones. Just that soft touch was enough to take some of the burden off my shoulders. No matter how broad they were, it didn't stop them from sagging under the weight of the council.

When Edward left Bella for dead in the forest two years ago, I had been the wolf leading the search crew for her while the humans kept to the streets with their flashlights. Charlie had driven to the old Cullen home and found the windows barred and the place barren. Lifting the tiny pale girl in my arms when I found her had given me some sense of worthiness. I had been able to find her and get her back to safety within the confines of her home with her police chief father. Against the opinions of Jared and Paul, whom both hated Bella Swan on principle for her connection to the cold ones, I had taken it upon myself to keep an eye on her for months afterward. As she'd sit in the rocking chair in her bedroom, staring out at the forest as if awaiting the ticks return, I would be watching from the trees instead. I had to make sure she was going to be okay even though she'd seemed to have let herself stop caring about much of anything. For six long months, I would sneak into her room and brush her hair and sing soothing tribal songs. It seemed to calm her nightmares and even though she never knew I was there, she'd wake up with a small smile on her face until the reality of her situation would smack her again.

When she started hanging out with Jacob Black, I was torn between being over the moon for her and overly cautious. Paul tried to tell me it was time to back off and Jared would start fights with me, threatening to go to the council and tell my imprint of how I spent my long nights patrolling. We'd gotten into a few scuffles over what I deemed was worthy and my pack mates were left with scabs forming around their scruffs as they huffed away in agitation.

The first time Bella laughed...truly laughed in Jake's presence, I knew it was time to back off. He was bringing her back quicker than I would ever be able to and I had settled on being grateful to him for that. I had never been able to figure out why I had grown such an attachment to the girl. My imprint was Emily and I was truly and wholeheartedly attached and in love with her. The bond I had to Bella made absolutely no sense but I had let it lead me for a long time regardless. Paul's and Jared's warnings rolled off my thick coarse fur like water.

All had been going well for the pair, as Bella showed more life than she had in six months and Jake, though getting larger in stature, showed no signs of phasing so I had no reason to keep a constant watch over either one of them.

Until I did.

Almost seven months to the date after Edward left, Jake got into a fight with a kid at school. He got irrationally angry and threw the boy to the floor before storming away, almost getting himself expelled. I had had enough on my plate already with Embry phasing and now I had to run after Jake to try and warn him of his anger. I couldn't very well tell him what was going on, the council forbid it, but I had tried anyway. He didn't listen to me. Why would he? He didn't know me very well. All the entire reservation knew of me was that I'd left my high school girlfriend, Leah, for her own cousin, Emily. That scandal alone had forced me to become some sort of pariah within the community. It also didn't help that I was forbidden from telling him any hint of why he needed to watch his anger and why he needed to stay away from any innocents. My words seemed to rile him up more and he only flipped me off before hopping into his car and heading to Forks to see Bella.

Paul, at this point, had enough of my so-called 'pussy footing' around and had taken matters into his own hands. He stood in the middle of the road before Jake had been able to hit the one-oh-one stretch to Forks. It forced Jake to slam on his brakes and pull off the side of the road. Jared and I watched in wolf form from inside the treeline and I dreaded what would happen next.

For it would change our lives forever.

When the council had been informed that Jacob Black was going to be phasing, they forbid him - through me - to let him take Alpha. Though it was naturally born into his blood, he was still young and his naivete would have him telling Bella the truth about what he was. They would not risk it. The Elders of the Quileute Tribe had the entire wolf pack by the balls. They made the rules and we abided by them out of whole hearted respect. There was no way we could disobey their direct orders, especially if the rules made sense and as much as I hated to admit it, they did. They only had the best interests of the tribe in mind as they made up their rules. Even Billy Black, Jake's own father and chief of the tribe, hated how these regulations would tear Jake and Bella apart, he knew that for the protection of the tribe, he had to rule in favor of his son.

One day, Jake would understand.

That's what they kept telling us and we did understand, we just didn't like it.

When Jake phased, by the power of the council and against my better judgement for both Bella and my own morals, I used the Alpha command on him to halt all types of communication with the girl. The only time he'd spoken to her since then was when she'd called once out of the blue and he hadn't spared the caller ID a glance before he'd answered. All of us had been behind my small house having a barbecue and pack meeting. A red headed vampire kept trying to get past our defenses. She had injured Embry once and Paul had almost killed her another time but she was too wily and we didn't know what to do about her. When Bella called, all our ears perked up. I shooed him away, telling him quietly to GO! Go save Bella from the vampire! The rest of us trailed behind from the protection of the forest and Paul had phased human to set the bitch on fire on top of the building where Jake had finally managed to sneak up on her while she was busy taunting Bella from the store's skylights.

However, that was the only time he'd been able to speak to her and their conversations were strained at best the entire ride back to Forks. It tore at me down to my core to watch Bella be so depressed and poor Emily had tried to make me feel better every night but I just felt as if this was not the best idea. That the council were wrong.

Weeks later, I had been proven right. We weren't there when Charlie was murdered. We weren't protectors if we couldn't protect! The council, though respectful enough about Charlie Swan's death, showed no remorse for keeping us on the reservation. There was no help for a pale face who's daughter danced with the devil. Bella spiraled after finding her father the way she had and it wasn't long after that she started injecting heroin and followed a path of self destruction for the next year and a half. Though we put up another huge fight with the Elders, the council had gagged us with an order of either menace or silence. That the Elders had that kind of power had stunned all of us wolves at the time and it killed Jacob to have to glare at Bella if she tried to seek him out. Paul and Jared were all too happy to throw taunts and jibes at the girl but Jake, Embry, myself and eventually Quil, felt such self loathing for it.

The first time Mike Newton showed up on the reservation with footage from outside Bella's duplex window, showing us of her new habits, Jake had been livid and taken the evidence to the council, demanding they override their stupid gag order and let us protect her as we would any other person. We had given them a piece of our minds about Charlie and now they were letting Bella down as a result of their ridiculousness. Unfortunately, the general consensus of the entire panel was 'to lose a couple is better than losing many'. The only one who delivered that line with any amount of compassion was Billy Black. He had been Charlie's best friend since they were teens and he had tears in his eyes as he sided with the council. All of them were ready for the loss of Bella Swan, ridding Forks of all their seen issues. If she wasn't around, the cold ones wouldn't be drawn here, or so they thought. They had also demanded that I put an order on Jake to stop communicating with Newton and though I did, I did so with half hearted expectancy. I did not have it in me to take away all of Jake's means for finding out if Bella was doing alright, let alone still alive.

It didn't take very long before another vampire had taken up root just on the outskirts of Forks, furthest from La Push. It pissed us off and we were starting to think the council was right. That Bella was a magnet for the cold ones. However, we kept it from the council, for they had done enough, and had gone to meet with the tiny red haired vampire ourselves to find out what was going on. Her thick Irish lilt had been interesting and her words even more so.

The dense fog of the damp night settled around us as the five wolves of my pack stalked out of the treeline to her back yard. There were tiny dewdrops of water clinging to every single needle of the massive pine trees above and behind us, reflecting the tiny amount of moonlight. The fog was lit up by the same light, making the whole evening look ethereal as we approached the lone vampire. She stood on her porch by the back door, her long curly orange hair hanging around her shoulders, and a smile on her face as she waved at us. I couldn't help the pull of my lips as I snarled at her when her sickly sweet smell invaded my nostrils. I huffed and shook my head while my inner voice commanded my pack to ease, as they were just as irked by her smell as I was.

"Samuel Uley," she started and my ears perked her way, leaving her chuckling. "Yes, I know who you are, though I do not know your pack. I am under the assumption that one of them is known as Jacob Black?" She asked as she looked over all of us before her startlingly red eyes landed back on me.

Uncaring of my short indecency, I phased where I was at the point of the formation and pulled on my cutoff shorts that had been tied to my ankle.

"Who are you?" I demanded, a low growl vibrating my chest beyond my control. "Why are you here?"

Standing still as stone, the vampire introduced herself and told us why she was in the area.

"I promise not to harm anyone within a specific radius of your community and I swear to only hunt the dregs of society. My coven and I…"

My growl stopped her mid-sentence and I stepped forward. "How many are there?"

"Calm yourself, lad. There is only I here and only I shall remain. My coven resides in Ireland and we only hunt the most vile of humans. There are plenty of them, you see. As I explained, I am here to keep an eye on the little lass." Her voice dropped several octaves though we could all hear her perfectly fine as she whispered to herself in anger, "Though it will be a lot more difficult now than I had been told."

"Why does Cullen even care?" I questioned, my tone still harsh but the growl was finally under control as the wind changed direction. I felt a small amount of glee as Maggie scrunched her nose up at our own 'stench'.

"Samuel, I promise, you do not want to know why I am to keep an eye on the cailín. Just know that she, and the rest of the inhabitants of Forks and near shall be safe."

I was not satisfied with that answer but something told me that was all I would get from her. Without another word, but a fierce snarl in warning, I dropped my drawers and phased immediately, picking up my shorts in my teeth and directing the pack to follow my lead. We headed back to my house as we pondered why the vampire was keeping an eye on Bella.

As time went by, we realized she had actually made _friends_ with the girl and gone so far as to take up a job at the local variety convenience store. Jake had just about lost his shit when he found that out but the orders from both the council and myself had him stuck. Paul and Jared were the only two satisfied with the order while the rest of us chomped at the bit. The bond I had with Bella never fractured, and though my face would be seen glaring at her, my inner emotions toward her could not be hidden. Emily had questioned my feelings for Bella several times but I had no other way to reassure her that they were not feelings of possession or love, but that of a brotherly bond. She was a good sport about it, though I could tell the bond bothered her more than she let on. I hated that this invisible line had seemed to attach me to Bella since I had found her lying on the wet forest floor, but there was nothing to be done about it. The council made their ruling and I had to stand by that as Alpha.

They truly thought they were doing the reservation good for keeping the temptation to the cold ones at bay and away from the tribe. Perhaps they were correct but now we would never know, considering two years had passed and Maggie has finally gotten Bella clean of her debilitating addiction. Upon our latest weekly report to the council of all things pack related, we informed them of her recovery, keeping all words of Mike Newton and Jake's connection out of it. We were dismissed for a short night and that found me here, at my kitchen table, sighing heavily with my hand in Emily's. My thoughts were transparent and she kissed me on the lips softly before asking me to go to bed with her. The next morning, I got called in alone to hear what the council now thought of the situation. They still had no idea of Maggie being around, which was odd since most of them stopped at Fork's Variety on a regular basis. I was only thankful they didn't have the gift of scent like we wolves did or they would have known we were lying to them all this time.

"Enter and kneel before us, Alpha Uley." One of the Elders rasped as he summoned me before them inside the community center. Fourteen of them sat at a row of long banquet tables in front of me, the white gleaming walls echoing with his words.

I did as I was told and bowed my head respectively, waiting to be addressed again.

"With the news of Bella Swan's recovery, we have decided to take matters into our own hands regarding her." Old Quil, who happened to be my pack member -Quil's- grandfather, spoke as he gestured for me to rise to a standing position.

I lifted one heavy eyebrow in his direction causing him to pause what he was about to say.

"You have something to say before I continue, Alpha?" He inquired.

I nodded once shortly before he waved me ahead. "With all due respect Elder Ateara, what do you mean by 'taking it into your own hands'?"

An unsettling feeling lumped itself in my stomach as he glanced left then right toward the rest of the council. "I will advise you now to please hold your tongue as you hear my words." Old Quil only paused long enough to see my nod before continuing. "We were rather hoping that the addiction she has sought for herself would kill her."

I apologized quickly after the loud snarl left my lips, my face contorting in unadulterated anger. I bit down on my tongue so I could respect his wish of not speaking.

Johan Cameron, Jared's grandfather, picked up where Old Quil left off. His voice stronger yet more weathered than the other man's, as if he'd smoked three packs of cigarettes for many years. "As she has defeated the addiction and made herself better, we are demanding that she leave the area, never to return to the Olympic Peninsula."

My chest heaved with my labored breaths as the invisible brotherly bond yanked and contracted with his words. I looked at each member of the council in the eyes as I tried to get my bearings. I couldn't believe they were banishing Bella from her hometown. Where would she go? What would she do now? I was terrified for her and her reaction. Like a light bulb switching on suddenly, I inhaled sharply and raised my hand to be allowed to speak, which Billy Black granted me.

"You want me to tell her?" The words were pulled from my mouth as if they were covered in thick molasses and cinnamon, choking me. I felt the biting sting of tears as they built up in my eyes, causing some of the council to look at me in concern. I wanted to scoff at them. They held no real concern for me or my pack, let alone one innocent little girl. They didn't see her that way at all. We are protectors of our tribe and no one else. Bella Swan was a conniving cold one loving insect in their eyes.

A rough clearing of a throat caught my attention and snapped me out of my thoughts. Chase Clearwater, my ex-girlfriend's great grandfather and the oldest member of the council waved me forward with his knobby knuckles that were attached to his frail, thin wrist. I stepped forward as I blinked rapidly to dispel any remaining emotion. When I was standing directly in front of him, he gestured for me to lay my hand on the table, palm up. I knew to never question the council members when the old ways were being shown. Though I disagreed with a lot of things they have handled lately, I could tell this was one of those moments I needed to pay close attention to.

Elder Clearwater's thin yet calloused forefinger gently traced the longest line on my palm and he smiled, showcasing his happiness and his rotting teeth.

"This here is your head line, young Alpha." His words were but a whisper and I was thankful for my extraordinary hearing. "It means you have a good head on your shoulders if you see how thick and long it is, young man."

The second line he traced with his finger was the life line. "This line shows that you will have a long life, Samuel."

I was very unsure and not at all at ease as he continued to trace my palm lines and speak the answers to me but I kept my face respectable and my mouth shut.

Next, he traced the line that was much thinner to see as it cut from just above my wrist all the way to my middle finger. It cut through the head line, the life line, and a third line that ran above the head line that he hadn't yet explained to me.

"That, my boy, is the fate line. This line is strong even as thin as it is, because it cuts through all the other lines like a river through the land. Do you know what this line is, young Alpha?" He asked as he tapped on the top most line at the top of my palm, just below my knuckles. I shook my head and I was sure I couldn't keep the question out of my eyes. "This last line here is the heart line. While you think this may have to do with Emily, my boy, you are wrong. This line here is for _all_ of the people in your life that you have developed feelings and bonds for, whether it is a familial love or a passionate love between a man and a woman. I see how strong this line is and have watched you very closely for many months."

He waved me away after patting my palm and thus dismissing me from his presence. I stood in the center of the room, facing the entire row of council members once more.

"What does this have to do with anything, Elder Clearwater?" Old Quil asked loudly, so the other Elder could hear him. It had me silently questioning if the elder Elder knew something the rest of them didn't.

Chase clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth as he shook his head in mild exasperation. "It means that our young Alpha has a strong heart. He loves loud and he loves hard. His fate with Emily and the pack will remain strong but I fear his heart line is to be damaged with what you rule today."

The lump of unease I'd felt earlier knotted itself in the pit of my stomach as he spoke.

"He will be fine. He's got no attachment to the Swan girl." Johan dismissed with a wave of his hand and disgust in his voice.

Billy Black looked at me in concern and I knew he thought I was betraying not only my imprint, but his son as well. I raised my hand to speak and was granted permission by him if for no other reason than to explain myself.

"I have no attraction to Bella Swan and no feelings such as you speak of, other than a bond of brotherly love." I paused as a few of the members cleared their throats uncomfortably. "It formed quietly and solidly as I watched over her after the cold ones left her for dead."

"He should have just killed her! Look what she's done to our pack! She's got them fighting for her when she herself won't fight! Fucking leech lover!" Elder Lahote yelled. Paul came by his sick attitude honestly as Elder Elmer Lahote was a vile man.

I couldn't hold in the growl but bowed my head in respect and apology to the council even though the glare refused to leave my face for long minutes. Once it was under control and I felt I could address Elder Lahote without phasing and roaring my anger in his face, I looked up and met his eyes with a cool stare.

"You disgrace the pack with your callous thoughts on an innocent woman." My words were deadly, calm, and seemed to slap him in his face.

Just as he was about to - no doubt - scream more obscenities my way, Elder Clearwater thumped his thick knotty cane against the tiled floor, creating a loud echoing boom to get our attention. His thin raspy voice sounded about as strong as a brittle leaf in a tornado but every Elder turned to him, ready to listen with rapt attention. It was quiet through the room as Elder Clearwater stood slowly, taking his time and making sure he didn't hurt himself as he used his cane to lean his weight on it. One hand on the table, the other on the cane, he shuffled carefully around the table and walked to the center of the entire committee. All eyes watched him and no one tried to help as he would let no one aide him. When he turned and set the cane aside, leaning it against the table beside him, he stared me in the eyes for long minutes. I waited with baited breath for him to make his statement, his final ruling. Before he spoke, however, without even glancing behind him, and faster than I'd seen him move before, he snatched the cane up again and whipped it behind him, smacking Elder Lahote on the top of his head none so lightly in reprimand.

As the offended Elder cried out more with indignation than pain, I could see the amusement dance in Elder Clearwater's eyes when he turned back to me, and see several of the other council members holding their chuckles inside.

"I know that your bond with the Swan girl runs deep, young Alpha," Chase began, his voice still as frail as ever even after his impressive display. "But you cannot change her destiny." Murmurings from the other council members suggested to me that I was right in my assumption before. They knew nothing of what this particular Elder knew.

In an impressive show of true Quileute Magic, Elder Clearwater held his cane up over his head, though now I wondered if it was more a staff, and started chanting loudly. As if on command, all the other council members closed their eyes and tilted their heads back slightly, chanting the same words. I felt it weave its way through my body, but what _it was_ I couldn't say for sure. A light of blinding proportions balled and circled above Clearwater's staff and I watched in awe as Bella Swan's life played out before us. Like negatives of an old thirty five millimeter film, I watched as she almost overdosed, how she says goodbye to Jake, how she moves to Ireland with Maggie, and her inevitable change into a cold one where she lives with her own imprint...her mate. Oddly enough, I felt no pain or anger at her demise into immortality. I felt blessed to know she would be okay.

Elder Clearwater's voice echoed ominously as he spoke, his voice filled with the echoing strength of the spirits he's called upon.

"Your bond with the Swan girl shall not be displaced, shall not be diminished. It shall only grow stronger. For while you show her anger and distrust now, will only allow you to beg forgiveness later when our tribe needs her strength. Believe in us, young Alpha. For we know the future you seek."

I dropped to my knees as the misplaced emotion and the light ball above the Elder's head drove itself through my entire anatomy. My very veins bunched and bloated with the impact of the foreign item inside them. As it stretched through my body, it bowed me backward, and I squeezed my eyes shut as I screamed in agony, my neck muscles strained tight. I faintly heard the metal door to the council hall bang open behind me just as the circling ball of light showed me visions behind my closed eyelids. There was chaos around me as I recognized my pack members screaming for me and the Elders shouting at them to stay back. Visions of Bella Swan standing in front of us as shrouds of black hooded vampires swarmed us from all angles. Leah, standing in formation with the rest of the pack - all in human form - with her brother by her side, mouthing words in what seemed to be a shout but no noise came from the vision. I threw my arms out to my sides and clenched my fists as the entity inside my blood stretched me further, every muscle in my body protesting at the intrusion. Red eyes came at us from all sides until suddenly they stopped. Bella Swan, her brunette hair flowing in long waves down to her buttocks, stood beside me and my pack, her hands stretched out before her, arm muscles straining against some invisible force as she screamed with so much passion, though I heard nothing. The black hooded vampires bounced off of a force field of sorts, getting angrier and angrier. Leah phased into a brilliant silver wolf and I felt myself gasp in a lungful of much needed air as I witnessed this in the vision. How could that be? Seth then phased beside her and Bella's friend Maggie hopped on his back as they tore through a tiny hole in Bella's force field, ripping vampires apart one by one. Each weave and dodge would send Seth and Maggie back inside the the protection of the force field as Bella continued to protect the rest of us. Jared phased and took over with a large auburn haired woman on his back as they proceeded to do the same thing Seth and Maggie did. Jacob took his turn and had a short, bearded vampire on his back while Leah and Paul went behind them and picked up pieces of discarded vampire, throwing the chunks into a smoldering purple flamed fire. It seemed as if I would be next, with Bella until the vision changed suddenly. My screaming became hoarse as the pain ramped up to impossible proportions and another vision assaulted me with more intensity, its bright light blinding and I saw Bella's beautiful golden eyes as she held a tiny Quileute boy in her arms, wearing a loving smile.

Her voice echoed as she whispered, "He's beautiful, Sam."

I saw my hand touch the newborn's head and I heard myself answer Bella, "Thank you, Bella...So much."

The echo of our words ran through my head as the entity inside me raged one more time, as if letting me know the importance of this vision. As if I could take something this painful lightly. It left me as fast as it entered me and I fell forward onto my palms, my breath heaving as if I'd just swum a hundred miles.

The entire room was hushed with only my labored breathing and when I lifted my head, I saw Elder Clearwater staring at me from his place back in his seat, cane by his side, with an unreadable expression. Roaming my eyes over the rest of the council showed me how shocked they were. They definitely didn't realize Elder Clearwater had this up his sleeves. My pack; which only included Jake, Quil, Embry, Paul, and Jared for now, gathered around me, some with their hands outstretched as if to grab at me but paused with wide, shocked looks on their faces. Taking a deep breath, I stood to my feet, surprised to feel perfectly fine, as if a fireball of lava hadn't just ripped through me.

"You saw it." Elder Clearwater stated. I met his stare and nodded. He nodded in return and said, "You must heed the warning, Samuel. Just because you saw it, does not mean it shall come to pass in that way. Be wary, be alert. For in a short time, that shall have no mercy on this land."

My pack knew never to speak out of turn in front of the council so they stayed quiet, though I knew they had a thousand questions, and gathered behind me in our well excised v-formation. I was never more thankful for their discipline as I was in this moment.

"I understand what I must do. For the good of the tribe. For the good of you, my Elders, and my pack." I bowed low as I sank to one knee, giving them my utmost respect. I learned so much this afternoon and I was thankful, more than ever, to have their guidance. It still didn't quite make sense to me that we had to be so callous and rude to Bella before she left but some instinct warned me not to question them. Perhaps they did know best, after all.

"Dismissed, young Alpha." Old Quil announced before waving me away.

We filed out of the council hall quietly in the same formation. The metal door slammed shut behind us in an act of finality and I glanced at the sky, letting the spirits guide me and feeling thankful for them. Before we even got from the community center to the treeline, my boys started talking all at once. Without explanation, I stripped when we hit the brush and phased. It was easier this way to explain everything.

 **I appreciate all the reviews to this story! I am almost finished with it. I hope you'll continue to favorite, follow, review, and read!**


	9. Same Old Soul

_**Beware: Ungodly long A/N oops**_

 **This is the beginning of the end, folks. Some of you 'don't know about' this story because of the twist I threw in there last minute. If you're reading this chapter, thanks for sticking it out with me this long! I know it took me over a year to get here...**

 **Explanation time, yes? My father had been seriously ill for a long time and last October, he had a minor stroke which didn't really affect anything except his right eye. It was permanently lazy and blurred his vision. Though he refused to go see a doctor for it for almost a month, I finally talked him into it early November of 2018. After spending 8 hours in the ER, numerous tests to find out why he had a stroke, the conclusion was cancer. First, the doc says, "It's in your brain..." (I said to myself, okay we can treat that.) "It's in your lungs..." (Okay, also treatable but crap.) "It's in your lymph nodes..." That is where the word fuck slipped out of my mouth and my aunt (who met us in the ER after sitting and waiting for 4 hours) proceeded to cling to me as I lost it right there. My father took it like a champ (figured out after he passed, he'd known for SEVEN YEARS) I know that cancer of any type is a terrible, awful thing, but being in the lymph nodes? Yeah...No cure for that one...From Nov 6th to Dec 21st, I watched my father decline rapidly. It went so fast. One moment he's walking and talking, the next he's using a walker, finally he's bed bound to a hospice bed in our living room. I took care of him as best as I could and tried my hardest to keep it together...Most of my family says I did amazing but it doesn't feel like I did anything amazing at all. I, to this day, feel as if my soul has been shredded. He passed 4 days before Christmas, which also happened to be my eldest nephew's birthday...Surrounded by those he loved the most and those who loved him the most. For those of you that know me, you know my father and I didn't have the best relationship for many years for our own personal reasons that fanfiction just doesn't get to know. The last 6 years of his life however, we had put our differences aside and became so much closer to the point that I was practically the only one to see him through to the end.**

 **I had lost my muse. I never even realized that he was my muse until he was gone. Almost an entire year after his death, I found him again. He's here with me, in spirit or in my heart or wherever you believe him to be. He's here and he's helped me and pushed me to continue doing what I love best. So while my stories aren't taking you in the right direction and they're not going the way you want them to (my next story will be a review based plot - stay tuned), they're taking me where _I need them to be_. **

**Thanks so much for reading, favoriting, following, and reviewing. I love every single one. I would reply, but not only is my memory as long as my nose, it doesn't allow me to reply from my phone and half the time I'm too damn lazy to get up and type on the computer. Le sigh...Such is life. I do want you to know that if you've given me a good review, I smile so hard it's not even funny and if I get a not so great one, I also smile because ha ha. Gotta laugh at the negative in life or it will literally _shred your soul_.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **~EM**

Epilogue Part 1:

A loud, gleeful laugh left my red painted lips as I ran through the evergreen forest of eastern Ireland. The landscape was breathtaking and I was able to take in every lush, tranquil inch of the terrace as if I was strolling slowly instead of running at speeds no human could ever imagine. Troy, hot on my heels and having just as much fun as I was, made a grab for me but I was just this side of too fast for him and I laughed again as he playfully growled. The sunlight glimmered off my shining skin as I weaved around trees and dodged my handsome mate's arms again and again. The long pale tunic I wore, fluttered in the wind that my speed created while the soles of my dark blue converse barely grazed the ground.

"Don't think you can outrun me for long!" Troy's deep voice taunted from behind me, his ears catching my everlasting giggles. He looked absolutely delectable in his dark blue jeans and thin red t-shirt that clung to his musculature perfectly. Honestly, I couldn't wait for him to catch me. I knew once he did the tingles that would race over my skin would send my ever-present hormones into overdrive and I would let him take me wherever we landed.

I could feel his beautiful golden eyes on my leggings covered lower half and shimmied for good measure as I propelled myself forward with a burst of speed. While he was out of his newborn stage for a couple years, I was nearing the end of mine just now, having been changed just shy of eighteen months.

"Good luck!" The sound of my twinkling voice shocked me still and I couldn't contain the giggles if I tried.

It has been two years since Maggie got me clean from heroin. She spent six straight months after our enlightening talk about Troy being my mate to get me fat enough to turn into a vampire. Tirelessly the she-vampire would feed me and spoil me until the scale was pushing one twenty. I would have protested the weight gain but I felt and looked really good. I wasn't a thin beanpole anymore with my clavicle standing out above my chest. My body felt structurally sound and I hadn't felt so healthy in my entire life. She definitely had her work cut out for her and she still hasn't let me forget it. Not that I could now, with my vampiric brain and all.

The wind gusted around me like a tiny tornado as I continued running from Troy. The scent of the afternoon breeze brushing against the high cliffs of Drogheda raced me west toward Mullingar and onward. This time of year, Ireland was tucked down for warmth inside their homes and never strayed too far from town so we vampires were safe to gallop and flit from field to ever-stretching field without worry. The lands out here were more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. Even with the snow covered ground, it was plain to see why this country was such a tourist attraction. I'm very honored that Siobhan and Liam welcomed me into their coven so readily. Maggie and I are so close, we're practically sisters. Though, she doesn't let me forget that she is the older, wiser, sister.

The morning after Maggie had left to speak to Troy, he left for Ireland with the promise of return shortly. Neither of them wanted to risk my wellbeing from him and though he would be pained for a little while being away from me, he would be back soon enough and meet me properly once he had his bloodlust completely under control. Maggie assured me he would have probably been fine, but Troy was being extra vigilant. He would take no chances.

Shortly after he left, I started receiving letters from him. Each letter was detailed with his daily struggle of being away from me and though I'd never actually met the man, I was very touched by his thoughtful words. I kept each letter tucked in a shoebox under my bed, intent to keep them forever. With my impending change, I didn't want to lose the memories of 'meeting' Troy before I met him.

A month later, Sam came knocking with demands, dressed in nothing but a pair of low hung cut off shorts and a leather throng around his ankle. He was pulling rank and pushing us out of the lands of the Olympic Forest. I couldn't hear what they were saying to each other until I got closer and heard the tail end of Maggie's angry statement.

"You've got some nerve." She hissed at him as he stood stoic and imposing on my front porch. A quick glance at the driveway told me that Nattie wasn't home and I was thankful.

Heavy brows pulled down low over black eyes as Sam glared at the red headed vampire. When he finished glaring at her, he peered at me from behind her, practically dismissing her as inconsequential, and gesturing me forward.

Timidly, I shuffled closer until Maggie's arm barred me further.

"Is there something I can, uh, help you with? S-Sam?" I stuttered. He was making me feel exposed in a way that sent shivers slithering up my spine.

A quick nod was my answer before he brusquely spoke. "You need to leave. You're attracting too much attention here and we won't stand for it." Though his voice was hard, his eyes softened the longer he looked at me.

Maggie scoffed as my eyes grew large. Leave? This is my home! How could he ask me to leave? What did Jacob think of this? Though I hadn't talked to him still, I knew through Mike that he still cared. What kept him away however, was still a mystery to me.

"This is my h-home, Sam. I'm not l-leaving." I squared my shoulders and tried to stand taller, feel confident, but it fell flat as he sneered at me.

"Nothing is holding you here, Bella. Charlie is dead, Jake has his imprint, no one here cares for you enough to stay around here. Leave Forks and take the ticks with you." His harsh words stung my heart and made my knees weak as my lower lip wobbled with suppressed emotion. I saw something near remorse pass over his face before his stoic mask slipped back in place.

"But…"

A heavy sigh dragged itself from the large man in front of me. The man who had once found me cold and alone in the forest, carried me to sanctuary with my father. I never saw him after that unless he came into the store and even then I had always hidden behind the door of the bathroom or in the cooler.

"Look, Bella." Sam sighed. "I'm really sorry but this is what must be done."

"I don't u-understand." I cleared my throat as I moved passed Maggie, my hand came up to move some hair out of my face. I was very aware of Maggie standing close behind me. "Help me understand...please." The last word was a mere whisper and I saw his walls break down even more, the longer he stared at me. There was an inner war going on inside him but it didn't take long for him to make a decision.

Looking over his shoulder, muttering to himself, he stared into the trees for a long moment before I followed his line of sight. I gasped as I saw two large animals step cautiously out of the treeline across the road. Their glowing yellow eyes were wide and nervous as my own eyes took them in. Long, muscular legs led up to barrel chested wolves. Wolves so large, I could see their white fangs from where I stood, yards away. Their size was massive and I could feel myself start to tremble when Sam's hand found my arm in a comforting gesture. Bringing my eyes back to his, I saw the inner torment he struggled with and something told me to trust him as the stories of old came flooding back to me. When I was at First Beach with the kids from Forks all those years ago now, I remember trying to flirt with Jacob to get more information on the Cullens and Edward specifically. He had told me the stories of how his people descended from wolves, though I had dismissed it at first because I had been shamelessly infatuated with Edward and learning more about the cold ones.

I now see the truth, right in front of me.

"How many?" I whispered as I glanced to the two wolves, remembering that wolves traveled in packs.

"Five right now," he sighed as he ran a hand through his short hair as if he were heavily burdened. "Listen, I can't explain and I know that's unfair to you...Please know, if there was another way…" His sentences were halting and I could plainly see the struggle he held.

"I uh, yeah. Okay." I said slowly, watching as the two wolves retreated into the cover of the trees once again. "Actually," I snapped, feeling a surge of indignation fill me, I stepped forward and pointed at Sam's chest. "No. I need answers, Sam. I don't get this hostility. Jake up and leaves me behind, I'm practically banned from La Push, and now I'm being kicked out of Forks? I know I didn't grow up here but that doesn't matter. This is my home. I've made plenty of mistakes but I've also tried my best to right them." I paused again as I took a fortifying breath. "Even with the supernatural crap pushing against me. You can't just come here and make demands of me. This isn't your territory. You're not the ch-chief of police. There's not one ounce in me that believes I need to listen to you."

"Do you understand how a wolf pack runs, Bella?" Sam asked suddenly, his eyebrows raised in question.

"Uh, yeah, I guess. Sort of. There's the alpha, beta, sometimes two betas...And there's the omegas. Right?" I asked, suddenly unsure of my documentary knowledge on wild animals, let alone where he was going with this.

Sam nodded his head and he looked behind me again. I followed his eyes and saw that Maggie was still behind me, protecting me or maybe just lending me her support. I gave my attention back to Sam when I heard movement. He sat down on the top step of the front porch and gestured for me to join him. Maggie pulled the door shut but stayed standing in front of it.

"We function very much like a wild pack of wolves does, Bella, but in our culture, we have a council." He explained. "They rule over the pack and we follow their lead because we respect them. It's in our blood to follow their orders and respect the Elders. They've been through much more than we could ever imagine."

I didn't know much about the culture of the Quileutes or any other tribe but I did know they held a lot of respect for the Elders. I'd seen it a time or two when I was a child visiting Charlie and he would bring me to the reservation to spend time with the Black's. I honored their traditions and respected their ways.

"What does this have to do with me leaving town?" I asked with a shake to my voice, keeping my eyes on the ground.

"The council fears your connection to the cold ones, Bella."

I saw where he was going with this immediately. "They want me gone so less vampires come to the area." I surmised with a nod and Sam nodded as well, apology thick in his gaze. "How do they know it's me? The Cullens were here way before I was."

"But they only stayed because of you. Them being here brought more to the area. I was newly phased when that trio came through and you spun that lie to your father…" He held his hand up as I began to protest. "You couldn't tell him the truth, I know. The point is, the Elders are concerned that with you staying around, since you had been so involved with them in the first place, that it will bring others to us. More vampires in the area causes more of our people to phase, imprisoning them to the council and La Push forever." He paused again and I saw his shoulders droop in defeat. "Not that it seems to matter in the end anyhow." He whispered.

Laying my hand on his forearm, I tilted my head toward him. "What do you mean by that?" I asked softly.

Sighing heavily again, as if the entire world was upon him, Sam muttered under his breath. It sounded like he said 'too damn bad'.

"There is a war coming, Bella. I don't know when but I know you'll be a vampire."

I gasped. "I would never!" I protested, ripping my hand from him and standing, backing away from him.

Sam stood quickly and reached for me. "You misunderstand! It's not a war with you. It's a war with many cold ones and we will need your help. The council thought it better to force you to leave and beg your forgiveness later," he spat with disgust, "but I can't let you leave here thinking we hate you. They've been controlling us as much as they can. We obey them because of our deep residing respect and loyalty but some things just...some rules are made to be broken." He sighed before looking deeply into my eyes as if to will me to believe him. "The council is wrong this time, Bella."

I shook my head as I thought of everything he'd told me. This was the most contact I'd ever had with Samuel Uley and it was strange to me that I felt utterly comfortable in his presence. As if I knew he would never hurt me. Even if the council of his tribe demanded it.

"It took a lot of courage to tell me these things, Sam." I told him, thankful that he'd shared this with me. "All this time, I thought I had no one."

Sam's eyes fell to the porch floor in shame. "I know and you'll never know how deeply sorry we all are. I'm sure I'll be in big shit if the council hears about this…"

"They won't." I vowed. "Don't tell them. I'll go. They'll see you've done your job." I surrendered. Halting him with a finger, I darted inside for a pen and paper, coming back out and jotting my cell phone number onto it before pressing it into his palm. "Use it. I don't know when I'm going to be changed but it has to happen."

Maggie spoke for the first time since Sam arrived. "It's the law of our kind."

Sam nodded even as his eyes clouded over in pain. He was all too knowledgeable about the laws of his own kind. It didn't make any sense to me why he had decided to confide in me and take the time to sit here with me like he did. He showed me his secret, some of his pack.

"Why did you tell me, Sam?" I inquired, not only speaking of the councils demand but the pack knowledge as well.

"It's not something I can get into now. I've gotta go, Bella but I'll text you and hopefully we can talk again soon. Please, be safe and take care."

I nodded to him and he moved as if to embrace me and my eyes narrowed in disbelief before he thought better of it.

"I will, Sam. You too." I said softly, still pondering why he would try to hug me and feeling a little guilty that I didn't just let him after seeing the pain in his eyes at my disbelief. He turned without another word and I watched him stalk down the driveway and jog across the street to the heavily shaded forest and disappearing under its canopy.

"All of you…" I whispered forlornly. My chest ached with his departure, with the thought of having to leave Forks and Jake.

Maggie slammed the door shut as we entered the house and clung to my thin shoulders. "Lass, we don't have to do a thing-"

I shrugged her off as I blinked rapidly to hold in the stinging tears. My words shook as they left my mouth. "We do. I do. I'll pack up and we'll be on our way." I didn't want to waste any time as shoved past her and made my way down the hall to the end closet and digging into the mess inside. For some reason I felt a connection to Sam after what just passed between us and I felt protective of him suddenly. What if the council heard of his confession? Would they hurt him? I shook my head as I rummaged through the small hall closet. No. They wouldn't hurt their own. I supposed I could understand their side of their reasoning. They wanted to protect themselves and their people. If anything, I was grateful to Sam for opening up to me. I felt as if I'd made a true friend for life.

After removing all the blankets and sheets, I pulled out the flattened moving boxes from when I'd moved in. "I'll start packing right away. There isn't a lot that I want to take, but…" I trailed off with a sigh as my emotions overwhelmed me and sank down to the floor with the wall at my back, dropping my head in my hands as my elbows found purchase on my knees.

A soft cool touch to my shoulder had me lifting my head from my hands. Kind red eyes met mine and she smiled softly. "You can go make yourself something chocolate and sweet. I will pack you, cailín. This way you know it will be taken care of right and I won't forget to grab anything of importance, alright?" She assured me.

Tilting my head to the side, I smiled at my friend. "Thank you." I whispered.

It hadn't taken me long to find someone to rent my side of the duplex and within two weeks, Maggie and I were leaving Forks. Maggie had tied up any loose ends and made sure the rent from my duplex went into a private account that I could access from anywhere. As we passed Forks Variety, I saw something I hadn't seen in so long.

"Stop!" I shouted to Maggie and she slammed on the brakes of her car as I unbuckled and jumped out, running toward the beat-up car I had watched him build for hours upon hours. Maggie pulled into the parking lot at the far end and parked, waiting for me. I could hear the car idle and saw the head of someone in the passenger seat. I peered in as I walked by, noticing the frame of a young woman staring at her phone. Her long dark hair curtained around her, so I couldn't make out her features. My head snapped up when I heard the bell above the door ring and my eyes came into contact with Jacob's. Time seemed to stand still as a million emotions raced behind his dark eyes. He clenched his empty fist, his other holding a bag full of whatever he'd just bought inside. He seemed to struggle with himself for a moment until I could see the determination fall into place just as an elderly native man exited the store behind him, thunking his heavy cane on the ground as he walked and laid his gnarled hand upon Jake's forearm for support. I could tell immediately that this man was possibly an Elder and most likely even on the council, considering Jake's reaction. I still couldn't help the involuntary gasp left me as he averted his gaze and they walked out around me, the elderly man met my pained expression and he nodded once in greeting, the tiniest smile on his weathered lips.

I stayed facing the store, trying to ignore the stinging tears in my eyes as I spoke softly. "I'm leaving for good, Jake. I'll miss you."

I heard his pause, as he opened his car door after helping the elderly man inside and it creaked under his weight as he leaned against it. His reflection in the store's front window showed him staring at me with a pain in his eyes that seemed to match mine. I saw his mouth open once, then twice before his soft reply came to me. "I'll miss you too, Bells."

Hot tears tracked down my face as I turned on my heel and ran full tilt for Maggie's car. I threw myself inside and slammed the door shut before Jake had even started his own vehicle. No words needed to leave my mouth as she spun the tires, squealing out of Forks like a bat out of hell and I was left feeling grateful that she let my emotions lead me for a moment. I hurt for the friendship Jake and I had. I hurt for the loss of years between us. Maggie stayed quiet as I let the tears flow for long minutes before I sniffled and got myself together. I knew that wouldn't be the last time I would see him. Even though I didn't know anything more than what Sam had told me, I knew I would see them all again. Just that thought helped me.

It hadn't taken Maggie and I long to decide that we were going to live in western Ireland, the opposite side of the country from Troy and the rest of her coven. She promised to get all the documentation I would need to fly and we stopped to have my things shipped overseas. I didn't much care where we went but it made sense to live closer to her coven.

"I can run there in just under half a day, quicker if I go at nightfall." Maggie assured me.

It made me happy to know she would be able to see them more. I knew she missed them all very much.

By the time the plane landed in Ireland and Maggie took her phone off airplane mode, it sounded several times with text message alerts.

"Oh bollocks." She cussed as she read through them. "The daft fool wants to see you." She stated with a roll of her eyes.

"No!" I protested, knowing immediately by her expression that she was talking about Carlisle. "Absolutely not. I don't want to see any of them."

There was no reason to see any of them. I don't care that Maggie was watching me for Carlisle. I don't care what was happening with the rest of them. None of them were there for me when I needed them most. I would not be wasting my time with them.

She didn't speak any more of him for a while after that, though I could tell she wanted to argue with me. I was grateful that she let the topic die for now.

We settled in very nicely on the outskirts of the small town of Letterfrack. She encouraged me to get a part time job, even though she didn't see the need for it. It kept me grounded and busy when everything else in my life had been uprooted several times the last four years. Finally after a couple months in Ireland, I was introduced properly to Troy.

The front door of the small home we were renting shut, letting me know Maggie was back from visiting her coven. She rounded the corner to the right of the entry and found me frying myself some eggs as the toaster popped up with my toast. It was late fall but the air was warm enough so I had opened the kitchen window above the sink to let some fresh air inside.

Without turning from the stove, I asked her, "How was your visit, Mags?"

"Bella. I brought home someone who wants to meet you." She replied when she realized I wasn't going to turn to greet her.

Officially catching my attention, I switched off the burner and turned to see a tall vampire, clearly of Native American descent with long inky black hair pulled into a low ponytail at the nape of his neck. What drew me to him and pulled a shocked gasp from my lips were his eyes. Those same eyes that had nearly haunted me for so long. The bridge of his nose was sharp and I admired his high cheekbones as he stood there, seemingly just as captivated with me.

Once that thought passed through my head, I dropped my eyes to the floor in embarrassment, my arms instinctively wrapping themselves around my stomach. What could he possibly see in someone as plain as myself?

As if he could hear my thoughts, he spoke in a soft baritone, "Show me your beautiful eyes again." He was practically pleading with me and when I glanced up at him, I saw Maggie shoot me a knowing smile before backing herself out of the kitchen and head up the stairs to give us privacy.

"There they are." He breathed in awe. His steps were sure but slow as he approached me, showing me with great care that he was not a threat.

Just staring into his eyes proved that bit of information to me. This man is mine. He's perfect and strong and beautiful and he's mine. I could feel it strengthen with every step he took toward me, I could feel it in my very bones, the truth of it. ...Mine…

I'd never felt this way of any other. No man; Edward, Jacob, no one.

My hands fell from my waist and hung limply beside my hips as Troy's hands grazed my forearms, rubbing upward. His touch caused a thousand goosebumps to erupt on my skin and I involuntarily sighed as he stepped so close to me that we were almost touching in every way. I had to crane my neck back to be able to continue staring into those ocher orbs.

I said the first thing that came to mind, "How tall are you?"

A rumbling chuckle filled the air and slithered over me like buttered rum, making me feel drunk and giddy.

"Six foot nine, I believe," was his answer.

"Wow." The word was a breath softly escaping me.

Just a week after meeting Troy, Maggie bites me and my change is underway with my mate holding my hand and telling me all the plans he has for eons to come at my side.

After my change, I was a bit of an animal. I developed a gift, unfortunately, to produce a force field. The first time I found out I was harboring some sort of foreign matter inside me was when Maggie came to find us in the middle of the forest during one of my first hunts. My wily newborn emotions viewed her as a threat as she approached and she ended up smacking comically into some invisible force, knocking her back several feet as I crouched in warning.

"What in the bloody fuck was that!?" She cursed at me, now approaching cautiously.

"I don't friggin know, Mags but I'm trying to hunt here. What the hell?" I snapped.

My hormones were all out of whack and I found myself harsher with her than necessary a lot of the times. Troy was the only one who could calm me down and he did so now with just a simple touch after he disposed of the deer we'd drained. He was the only one I would let near me when I was hungry. Siobhan and Liam never hunted with us because they, like Maggie, hunted humans, so I never had to worry about them coming along until now.

"I've come to warn ya, lass. The Cullens are at the house and they've requested your presence."

I barked a sarcastic laugh as I stood from my crouched position and walked toward my friend, Troy by my side, watching over me carefully. "Yeah, I don't think so." I shook my head, causing the long mahogany curls to bounce around my shoulders. I swiped the hair away to my back and dusted my hands off from the dirt they'd acquired during the hunt.

"Cailín, you must. They demand proof of your change or they threaten to go to the Volturi." She said, ending her sentence in disgust.

Troy spoke up before I did and I could practically feel his outrage, laying a small hand on his muscular arm. "They think they can continue to make demands of my mate? They think they can threaten us? Have they lost their minds!?"

He started to take off, the speed of sound echoing behind him before I could gain my bearings and catch up. I pulled on him and stopped him with my body as I stood in front of him. Maggie caught up with us quickly and held up a hand in supplication as I spoke.

"They will see me, fine. I won't be having a 'spot of tea' with them," I said sarcastically in a -probably horrible- British accent. "How the heck did I ever worship them? They're manipulative liars!"

"After they've seen her, they leave. Period. Or I make them." Troy threatened menacingly, flexing his muscles and reminding me of Emmett with his threatening stature. If I didn't love the man, I'd be deathly afraid of him when he got like this. Nothing would upset or mess with me again with him by my side.

I snuggled his bicep with a purr, closing my eyes in contentment, showing him my appreciation of his protection. His other arm came up to caress my face and I smiled blissfully as his knuckles grazed the skin of my cheek. It never failed that his touch sent tingles all through my body. Maggie cleared her throat with impatience and I smirked at her, glad that I couldn't blush any longer.

"Yeah, what he said, Mags. I don't want to hang out with them at all."

Before long, we're back at the house on the east coast of Ireland and I can smell them long before I see them. The entire Cullen coven is there, minus Jasper and Alice. Rosalie sneers my way before glancing down at her nails as if they're more interesting than anything else and I overlook her. Snobby bitch never gave me the time of day. Emmett's grin is dimpled and adorable, tugging on my heart strings but I can't focus on that. He left me too. Next, my eyes fall to Carlisle who is looking at me as if he could cry, right along with Esme, his mate. She's clutching his arm with one hand and her chest with the other, her eyes completely devastated. I notice that they all look exactly as I remember them. Esme's loosely curled auburn hair, Carlisle's insane beauty with compassion in his stare, Emmett with his childish outlook and messy brown curls, Rosalie and her stunning model looks and bad attitude. I let my eyes skip over Edward as if he doesn't exist because to me, he definitely doesn't matter. I am a little stunned to realize I do not miss them one bit. The damage they did after they left me and the consequences of their departure have forever changed my outlook of them. They stand there, staring at me for long minutes and I let them. They shoved me into a depression so severe that I took to recreational drug use. It may not be their fault in the technical sense, but anger is not rational and I don't see myself ever forgiving them for leaving me to become who I had become. I would forever be grateful for Maggie. I can't even say that I'm grateful to Carlisle, even though he's the one who asked Mags to look after me. She's the one who saved my life and pushed me to get better and took my violent mood swings with a grain of salt and witty quips. I owed these bastards nothing. I wanted nothing to do with them.

"You've seen her. Now go." Troy demands as he stands in front of me possessively, one arm extended back to clutch at my waist.

I don't cower behind him, nor do I hide out of sight because I am not afraid of these vampires. I am simply showing them where my place is. Behind or beside my mate...Depending on the situation. Right now, he needs me to stay behind him because though I knew this clan, he did not and he views them as a threat to my safety.

"Bella…" Esme breathes. "You're so beautiful." Her voice is strained with emotion and I refuse to let it bother me, clenching my teeth in irritation.

"Why must we leave? We've got so much to discuss." Carlisle says to us all.

"I believe when you left her without so much as a goodbye, you lost the right to converse with her unless she so chooses. I assure you, she does not." The manner in which Troy spoke for me sent lustful tingles up my spine and I pressed myself into his back with a contented sigh.

"And I believe she can speak for herself."

My contentment vanished when I heard the velvety voice speak so maddeningly toward my mate.

 **...And that is all for now, folks! Yes, she's still 'in her thoughts' as this is all memories of hers...It was supposed to be the last chapter but there's so much that needs to be told! I just can't stop myself :-)**


	10. Streets Paved in Gold

Epilogue Pt. 2

I dodged a fallen tree and hopped over a rock, happily remembering the last couple years as Troy chased me through the forest and fields. It was so refreshing to have no worries right now. So refreshing to know that I would be able to spend millennia with the man of my dreams. My protector. My _burning sun_. I continue to recall the first time I saw the Cullens again after they veritably destroyed me as if it were yesterday. Having a perfect memory came in handy.

The sun was low in the sky, fluffy clouds drifting in front of it and providing shade against our skin. The house is secluded by trees and miles away from any road or other homes so we are protected. Standing in the yard near the cobblestone path that leads to the cherry red door of the Irish coven's quaint house, I run my hands down the sides of my mate as I stand behind him. I'm feeling the contours of his muscles and trying to keep my cool as Edward's pompous statement reaches my ears.

 _"And I believe she can speak for herself."_

I inhale Troy's scent and press my fingertips into the skin of his hips just under his jeans to center and calm myself. This feeling coursing through me is not a good one and I can feel my force field pulse with the need to shove away the threat. I reign it in, however because these vampires are no threat. Not to me or my mate or my coven. I just need to remember that.

I press a kiss between Troy's shoulder blades before I growl and step out from behind him, careful to leave one steadying hand on him so he knows I won't be going to place myself in danger. He would react on instinct if I got too close to Edward and pull me away, possibly even attacking the Cullen child unnecessarily.

Edward's eyes widened slightly as I stared at him, my gut churning with dread, wondering what he thinks of me now. I squared my shoulders however because no matter what he might be feeling about me now, it is nothing compared to the feelings of complete and utter worthlessness he had filled me with the last time I'd seen him. His feelings and thoughts don't matter to me in the least.

"You don't get to talk for me. You don't get to talk _about me_. You lost all that right when you walked away from me-" I started angrily before he cut me off.

"It was all a grave mistake, Isabella…" The look in his eyes is tortured as he took in how I appeared before him now, angry and shaking. "Look what they've done to you." He whispered painfully.

Anger quickly replaced the dread inside of me and I had to plant my feet for fear I would lunge at him and rip his head from his shoulders.

"They have done what you," I waved my hand toward the entire clan in front of me, "couldn't. Wouldn't! They saved me from years of self torture, from a future of looking over my shoulder while the Volturi sure would have tracked me down. They saved me from _you_." I spat his way. Troy's hand wrapped around my waist and I gladly moved closer to him, looking up at him with a loving smile on my face.

"Isabella. Please, just listen to what Edward has to say. For me? Please?" Esme begged of me. However, her words only proved to anger me further.

I felt my eyes bleed to black as my gaze fell upon the caramel haired mother figure. " _Bella_." I stressed, as if they would forget. "Edward has no explanation that I want to hear." I paused before I scoffed a bitter laugh. "For you, Esme? What makes you think I'd listen to him for any one of you?"

Carlisle wrapped his mate up in his embrace as she turned dramatically to him and sobbed tearlessly into his chest. His eyes narrowed at me as his mouth formed a straight line of impatience.

"What has become of you? You're heartless." He breathed in frustration. "You are not the girl we left behind." He appeared almost shocked at this and I was actually giddy when Rosalie shot him an equally impatient look.

"Seriously, Carlisle?" Her gaze darted to me before landing on Edward to raise a perfect blonde eyebrow his way. "Edward decided for her that we were leaving. He left her and then you all drag us back years later expecting what? What is it you expect of her, brother? She moved on, she did what humans are supposed to do. Change."

Troy's fingers played with the skin of my waist just under the hem of my shirt and I laid my head on his shoulder as I watched the Cullen siblings speak to each other. Edward tried to defend his actions to both me and his sister but I stopped listening when he opened his mouth because now my mate was trailing his soft lips across the shell of my ear, effectively stealing my concentration away from this meaningless meeting. The sun was now ducking behind the house and trees, as the last of its rays stretched out for miles like fingers grasping at the earth, trying to delay the inevitable. Far off, I could hear the gulls on the cliffs and the clatter of hooves against rocks. It made me want to run again. Run and play with Troy in the deep woods of Ireland together.

"Isn't that right, Isabella?"

I was brought back to the situation at hand when I heard my name slip wrongly once again from Edward's mouth and Maggie nudged my arm with her elbow. I glanced at her to see her knowing smile and exasperated look.

"Silly bó, pay attention." She tried to reprimand but it fell flat with the amusement lacing her words.

"Isn't what right, Ed?" I said with disinterest before I brought my eyes back to him, Troy chuckling quietly in my ear.

Edward shot Troy a disgusted look before speaking. "Darling, you know that's not my name. You would think with your perfect memory you would be able to remember such trivial details." His arrogant, condescending tone had my hackles rising and I lifted my hand, shaking it in a choking motion as I glared at him, Emmett's snorting laughter reaching me. Troy's strong arm tightened around me, reminding me that he had my back. As if I could forget.

"And yet it's so hard for you to do." I ground out through clenched teeth. "You're a fool. A fool to leave me, rip my self esteem to shreds and expect me to fall into your arms once you show up again. How many years has it been? Did you know Carlisle knew how I was the whole time? Did you know he kept an eye on me through Maggie here? Did you know, Ed, that the Volturi would have murdered me and anyone whom I loved because you left me a human vulnerable mess in the know of such secrecy? Not that there was anyone left because you left a fucking mess behind! You left a vengeful vampire to murder my father! You want me to forgive you? Fall into your arms and claim to love the monster who destroyed my entire life because I was a naive and fucking stupid moron for falling in love with you in the first place?!" Each word was painfully ripped from my mouth the angrier I got. By the time I was done speaking, my volume had risen considerably, causing Maggie to sidle up beside me, effectively showing me that she would help hold me back if I decided to attack the stupid idiot in front of me. However, I was going to prove to this clan of morons that I was stronger than they thought. I centered myself with my eyes closed and a deep, unnecessary breath before I opened my eyes and landed them on Emmett, ignoring the shocked look Edward pointed to Carlisle.

"You were supposed to be my brother. Sure, you treated me like a walking joke and made me feel all that much more self conscious around the perfection you vampires were compared to my humanness, but you were supposed to be my brother! You laughed with me and helped me out, with James? You protected me and I thought you cared for me, Emmett but you left too." Even I could hear the pain drip off my words as I spoke to him.

Rosalie shot me an uncomfortable look as her mate's broad shoulders drooped in defeat and he lost the mischievous smile he'd been wearing since they showed up. She rubbed her palm up his muscular arm as she tried to comfort him but he gently shrugged her off and stepped forward. Troy growled in warning, his embrace tightening on me as Maggie questioned what Emmett was doing.

"I just want to apologize." He said in a voice I'd never heard from him before. He sounded wounded and afraid of rejection, a far cry from the happy-go-lucky man I remembered in my fuzzy human memories.

Stopping just a few feet from me, he kept his gaze on the ground and I swore he looked as if he'd cry. Rosalie made to come forward but he halted her with a gesture of his hand without looking back. She almost looked scared for her husband and that made me a strange mixture of happy and very very sad. I would never hurt Emmett, unless it was out of self defense but it made me happy to know that she was wary of me, as she didn't know me at all. She had never taken the time to try. Out of the entire Cullen clan, Rosalie was one person I didn't have any feelings for, ill or otherwise.

Emmett's hand twitched as if he wanted to reach out for my hand but he didn't. "Bella, you won't ever know how sorry I am for following the family like I did. It was voted on and I got outvoted. What I thought and what I wanted didn't matter in the face of…" He paused a moment as he pondered his words, his gaze finally traveling up to look me in the eyes. He towered over me and I felt myself shrink into Troy on instinct. I saw the pain flash across his face when I did so and shrugged one shoulder, a soft embarrassed smile gracing my lips. "It didn't matter what I thought or wanted because you weren't 'mine'. You were Edward's."

He quickly held up a hand at Troy in supplication when my mate growled low in his chest, the vibration causing me to shift closer, if it were possible. I lifted myself up on the balls of my feet and kissed under his chin, a breeze moving his hair to tickle my face.

"We both know who I belong too." I whispered, reaching up to twist a lock of his long inky hair in my fingers.

Troy spun me from his side into his chest, bringing both hands to cradle my face as he pressed his pillowy lips to mine firmly. I hummed in pleasure as one hand moved down to my shoulder, then to my hand as he linked our fingers tightly before ending the long, passionate kiss with a peck. I smiled lovingly up at him before turning to face the Cullens one more time, contentment weaved through my body once more. I ignored Edward's supposedly pained groan and Esme's shocked and appalled look as I focused on the big brute in front of me.

"You know what? I want to forgive you Emmett. There's no reason to hold a grudge with any of you, honestly and it's not because I forgive everyone and want to live happily ever after with you. I want to move on from this. I spent years under the thumb of the Horse and I will not ever be able to forgive you guys for tearing me up so badly, for leaving me so goddamn depressed that I turned to heroin just to numb the pain. But I also don't want to carry this pain into the very long future we all hopefully have, so you, Emmett, I would love to stay in contact with you eventually. I never…" I stopped and stared at the rest of the Cullens before I continued, "ever want to see any of you again." My words punctuated with firmness and I spun around, taking Troy with me as we darted off into the woods.

I heard Edward try to come after me and glanced back long enough to see Emmett place a solid hand on his brother, keeping him from following us.

It wasn't long after the run in with the Cullens that life got very complicated for everyone. Sam had kept his end of his promise and called me, explaining so much that I had never known. Jake talked to me and told me all about his trials and all about his imprint. He even told me how he tried to deny her at first and I was appalled. I could never think of trying to deny Troy and I told him as much.

"I know, Bella and I get that now but back then everything was such a mess. I just wanted my best friend back and Sam was being an ass…" He rambled and I laughed.

"Sam wasn't being an ass." I defended, now that I knew what happened.

"I know, I know. Doesn't mean I liked it back then. I was fighting everything. The imprint, him, seeing you. Hell, I had Newton stalking you for crying out loud."

I laughed when he said that.

The wolves and my coven kept in touch several times a month and when more kids started phasing, seemingly out of nowhere, we knew it was time. We had exhausted all conversations about how this was going to go and what Sam had seen in his vision with the council. I had been shocked to the point of dry heaving - as impossible as that should be - when he explained what he'd been through trying to keep me in Forks. Even when he didn't like me, didn't understand my addiction, he had fought for me against his own people. Sam and I had become close since I left Forks, effectively making the council happy. To this day, I don't believe they know anything about Sam's confession to me, or that we talk on a normal basis.

"Well, I wouldn't go that far, Bells. I'm pretty sure Elder Clearwater knows what's up." Jake said to me over the phone one evening after his patrol.

"Why do you say that?" I asked, my head in Troy's lap, the phone on my chest, no need for speaker. My eyes closed in bliss as my mate's fingers ran through my hair slowly, sending tingles through my body.

"You remember the old man I was helping out of the store when you left?"

I didn't even have to try that hard to recall the scene.

"Of course."

"That's Elder Clearwater. He's Leah and Seth's great grandfather and we're pretty sure he's clairvoyant. Like way stronger than peyote and chanting. I think he knows what's going to happen. He's always got this look on his face like he's laughing at all of us because we don't know."

I was able to recall the amusement in his eyes the day I'd seen them together.

"That makes sense." I replied.

By the time Sam called me frantically to help them out, I had almost perfected my force field. We wasted no time in catching a flight out to Washington and running so fast, the sound traveled behind us as we broke the barrier. When we reached the clearing between La Push and Forks, the same clearing where James, Victoria, and Laurant found me years before, the Quileute pack were in human form in a large v-formation waiting for us. Sam, at the head of the formation, held out his hand for us as we stopped and I shoved it away as I embraced him. We both gasped at the contrasting contact, ice cold and fire hot, and a couple of the guys growled automatically but Sam hugged me tight and even buried his nose in my hair.

"I've missed you, Bella. My sister." He said quietly. We had talked so often and so in depth that I knew all about his odd bond with me. I had even made tentative friends with Emily, assuring her that the bond was completely harmless to her and her imprint.

"I've missed you more than you know, Sam." We pulled from the embrace and as I opened my mouth to speak more to him, I was yanked playfully to the side, my eyes widening as Jake crushed me to him in a similar embrace, making me laugh loudly. "Jacob!"

"You freaking reek, Bells!" Jake laughed as he spun me around, my long hair flying out around us. I caught Troy's indulgent smile as I swirled in my best friend's hold.

"You're one to talk, pup!" I teased as he let me go.

Our reunion was short lived as suddenly all sounds in the forest around us quietened. No more chirping birds and bickering squirrels. I wasn't exactly worried about my coven, however I was extremely worried about Sam and his pack. He had confided in me that Emily is pregnant. He hadn't wanted to tell me before the battle but something kept gnawing at him to trust me. It scared me most of all. What if I couldn't protect them? What if the vision that Elder Clearwater showed Sam doesn't play out for the good? Sam admitted himself that the vision cut off rather abruptly. Would we lose someone? Or many someones? My nerves settled as a ball inside the pit of my stomach as I kept my eyes on the approaching vampires.

Quickly getting back into their formation, the men of the tribe wiped any trace of happiness from their features. Stoic masks falling in place as a few of the newbies in the back trembled from the onslaught of vampiric scent in the air. Liam placed himself protectively near Siobhan, standing closer to the left side of the formation behind us. I stood beside Sam in a show of solidarity between the vampires and the wolves. Troy took his place beside me, his hand resting comfortingly on my back. The tremors of the wolves only gained strength as Aro and his coven - along with a hundred other black cloaked vampires - entered the clearing. Showing no sign of effort or movement, I stretched the invisible forcefield inside me out to bubble around us, protecting us from all angles, then individually wrapping up my coven to protect them from harm once the chaos arrived. I knew it would. Sam had told me about the vision several times as we tried to make a plan.

The shaking of the wolves worsened as the Italian coven ventured closer, slow in their approach. They were arrogant and thought they had the upper hand here. I watched as Aro's beady red eyes fell upon each of us. The formation of Native American men, larger and more muscular than any normal human. Only five vampires standing with them. Against his hoard of easily over a hundred...This seemed all too easy for the lawmaker of the vampires.

Little did they know.

He tried to make meaningless talk about a human girl and a pack of...Werewolves, he called them. He spoke of the Cullens and how he found out about the human girl and werewolves through them.

"I have the gift of knowledge, you know." He droned on. "One touch and I see everything they've ever seen, everything they've ever thought. To see that Caius' true fear was still wandering around the United States...well, dear ones. That was quite devastating. You understand, my dear sister was murdered by werewolves." Aro placed his translucent hand over his dead heart, feigning sadness.

He wouldn't listen to Leah as she told him they were not traditional werewolves. They were spirit shifters. Protectors of their tribe and lands. I caught the eye of some of Aro's allies. They seemed shaken up and antsy. I couldn't tell if they wanted to run or were anxious to get to fighting. All Aro was interested in was war. He tried to fool us, telling us of how if we turned ourselves over, he and his coven wouldn't destroy the entire Olympic Peninsula looking for the girl and the werewolves, effectively ripping apart every human in the area with their search. It was all a lie, though. We knew that already. We could see, from the dripping of blood along some of their cloaks, that they'd made a mess on the way here. They had no intention of letting anyone go. They wanted us all dead.

It was proven when I spoke up. "I am the human girl you speak of, sir." I said loudly, trying to sound polite when all I wanted to do was rip this monster to shreds. "I was the girl of Edward's thoughts. Isabella Swan."

I saw recognition in every vampire's eyes and some seemed satisfied that I was no longer a human. Aro, however, waved his hand dismissively.

"She lies, my dear ones. She is trying to fool us all!" He hissed.

We all remained quiet from then on, refusing to speak our side any longer as it did no good. Suddenly, a tall vampire with hair so blonde it looked white spoke with a snake-like voice.

"This charade is a waste of our time. There is no reason why we should continue to stand here and talk. They obviously have no interest in helping us."

As he lifted his hand, the hoard of black clocked vampires descended upon us in great numbers, screaming and shouting their rage. Leah screamed her fury at the leeches, taunting them as the wind blew her short hair around her face. As each vampire slammed into and thus off of my forcefield, it became more difficult for me to hold it in place. My arms shot out ahead of me, hoping that the leverage would help me hold the invisible shield in place as the shouting from both sides of this war continued to rage around us. Sam shouted orders to his pack as each man suddenly became a wolf. Their frames were so large that they stood higher than Troy in height. I tried to keep my focus as Maggie hollered at me to let her through.

This is where shit got difficult.

Creating a 'seam' of sorts in my forcefield, it allowed Maggie to ride on Seth's back, leaving them unprotected each moment they weaved in and out to snatch a head or an arm off the opposing team. Cries of anguish and anger filled my ears as I kept my arms out straight, straining and trying to hold the forcefield in place. I could feel my strength waning even as Jared carried Siobhan for their turn through the chaos. Liam cursed in Irish as he threw himself on Jake's massive back and they too went weaving in and out of my forcefield, finishing off the most powerful vampires first as discussed and planned for months. Any vampire with exquisite powers were all piles of rubble now. One had the gift of pain, the tiny blonde haired vampire had focused her eyes on Jared as soon as he'd exited the shield and he'd dropped to the ground howling in pain. Thankfully, Siobhan was fast and she ripped Jane's head back by the bun in her hair and bit her neck off ferociously before tossing her body to a now recovered Jared. Troy kept his hand upon my back the entire time, lending me his support and staying beside me to protect me, should I fail in my goal to protect the wolves.

Just as Leah and Paul started gathering chunks of granite-like vampire flesh in their muzzles to pile up and burn, Aro - who had been lost in the shuffle - sprang out of nowhere onto Paul's back. The momentum of Aro's attack forced him to slip into the seam of my forcefield before I was able to cut it off. He was now inside with us, but I couldn't focus on that. I shut the seams off, keeping whoever was in, in and whomever was out, out. Paul's face showed a fear I'd never witnessed he was capable of feeling as he felt Aro's cold hands sink into his thick coat. The red eyes of the vampire ruler were wide and manic as he watched his coven deteriorate right in front of his eyes. Leah clawed at his back, accidentally clawing Paul's hind end and drawing more blood. Aro's eyes met mine and as Troy and Sam charged toward them, he flashed his venom dripping teeth, bringing his neck down quickly to inject the dark silver wolf with his lethality.

It was as if everything was in slow motion. The white blonde vampire slammed his fists against the forcefield, his face contorted with rage, Liam stayed outside the forcefield with Siobhan without a choice as they ripped and tore at any vampire that came their way. Piles of purple flame surrounded the clearing, creating a thick fog of choking smoke. The wolves chuffed and shook their heads as they continued to tear into any vampire that got near them, their size shocking us all as they seemed to grow right before our eyes. Jared, Jake, and two new wolves rammed their bodies through the mass of broken vampires outside the forcefield as they continued to kill whatever came their way. Many of the vampires had taken off and I could see that Paul needed my help as Aro's face got closer and closer to his neck. I dropped the forcefield, screaming my warning to everyone as I ran faster than I'd ever ran before. I catapulted my body off another fallen vampire and flew through the air as I stretched out my hands, my shield effectively wrapping itself around Paul in the absolute nick of time. Aro's teeth could not penetrate the thin layer of protection over the wolf and as he looked up, he saw my hands close around his throat. The lower half of my body threw itself over my head and I flipped in the air, ripping Aro's head from his body as I landed on my feet.

Suddenly, everything stopped. The last few vampires from Aro's army stood and stared at me as I held their master's head in my hands.

"I am Isabella Swan. I am the girl Aro told you about. I was changed, as promised because I was a human in the know of your secret world. As you can see, it is not a full moon. These are not werewolves. He lied to you." I stressed. "He lied to you." The last words came out as a whisper as I collapsed onto the ground, completely drained and feeling as the protection around Paul slipped away and slithered back inside of me.

I had come to not long later to find Alice Cullen and Jasper Hale in front of me. I hissed, baring my teeth and backed away, still feeling tired. I needed to feed. I had never used that much energy before.

"Easy, Bella. We won't hurt you." I saw the hurt in Alice's eyes and felt my heart strings pull.

"I need to feed." I whispered, still pulled away from them. I glanced around quickly and saw that we were all inside the Cullen's old house in Forks. Sam and Jake were the only two wolves missing, the rest were eating copious amounts of food at the large dining table. Siobhan and Liam were standing in the living room, staring at me while Maggie and Troy kneeled on either side of me at the bottom of the staircase. They had sat me there to wait until my strength replenished.

Jasper handed me a thermos and when I opened it, I could smell the pungent, unsatisfying scent of animal. I downed it quickly and thanked him, feeling my strength return from just that small amount of sustenance.

"Bella." Paul walked up to me and squatted down in front of me, a look of true reverence on his face. "Thank you." He breathed, his eyes reddening with tears he didn't want to let fall. I took his hand in mine and I was shocked that he didn't flinch at all. "Thank you."

My own eyes stung with the tears I could never shed as I watched his gratitude laid out before me. I wanted so badly to hug him but I knew that it was impossible. His tremors shook him the longer he held my hand. I smiled at him and watched him return a strained one as a tear slipped down his face. Leah came over and smiled at me also as she guided Paul away and hugged him tight.

As it turned out, Sam and Jake had taken Emily to the Reservation Clinic because her water broke. Her stress had caused her to go into labor a couple weeks early and we were holding up here until we heard news from them. Troy and I went on a quick hunt so that I could feed a little more. When we returned, the wolves were lounging on the living room couches, mindlessly skipping through channels on the tv.

Alice spent a few moments telling us how she and Jasper decided to split from the Cullen family.

"I saw that it was time. We always knew it was temporary for us to be with them." Alice explained, her fingers running through her short black hair. She looked as pristine as ever in her gray slacks and white striped button up blouse. Jasper, however, was wearing torn jeans and a flannel shirt. It was almost comical to see how different they dressed as he had always worn the designer crap the rest of the Cullens had. She explained how it was nice living alone with her mate and they'd been spending the last few years traveling and visiting friends they hadn't seen while they were with the Cullens because of the differing diets and judgement from their so called family. I agreed that it was probably nice to be away from that family and glad I never had to see them again if I so chose.

Her tiny stature was comforting to me and though I hadn't rushed to hug her or forgive her, I wasn't downright mean to Alice. I guess, I felt more reserved and set back from her now. I knew we weren't going to be the best of friends like she had one day years ago envisioned but I had no more in me to dole out in the hate department. It wasn't worth it to me.

We sat around, catching up and catching our breath - highly unnecessary for us vampires of course - waiting for news from Sam which came a few hours later. Jake burst through the door with a wide, shining smile and I was reminded for a moment of how he used to be my sun. The way the light bounced off his short black cropped hair and his sweat glistened skin, the smile reached his eyes and he looked so happy. Just how I remembered he looked before all the drama of vampires and wolves clouded our lives.

Troy's hand slipped into mine and I smiled up at him, not needing the reminder that he was now my sun. Not just the light in my life but the fire inside me. He was what helped me reach my goal of getting healthy, even if I didn't know it at the time. He set me aflame with his words, his life, his laughter. He was definitely my burning sun.

"It's a boy!"

It wasn't until months later that I was finally able to meet baby Uley. Troy and I made the trip from Ireland to Washington just two short months after the war with Aro. No one had bothered to come after us and no one had bothered the wolves. It seemed as if we were going to be just fine. We didn't know what the vampire world would do about the loss of the Italian coven but we didn't care.

Sam placed the tiny bundle of dark hair and tiny limbs in my nervous arms, thickly wrapped up in fleece blankets to shield him from my cold skin. He hovered in front of me with Emily by his side and she studied my face with a smile. I returned it before looking down at the tiny baby I was holding. His little eyes were closed and I admired his button nose and tiny lips.

"Oh, he's beautiful, Sam." I whispered, my smile making my words stretch.

Sam reached out and traced his fingertips across the baby's forehead softly as he smiled back at me, the look of everlasting fatherly love plastered all over his features. "Thank you, Bella...So much." He whispered back. I knew he was thanking me for so much more than just admiring his tiny child.

Troy came up behind me, he was never very far, of course. I continued to hold the bundle of joy in my arms as my mate wrapped his arms around my shoulders and kissed my temple. We stood there, all admiring what we had come together to protect. An oddball group of vampires, wolves, and humans helping each other for one thing.

Family.

"Oof!" A grunt left me as I felt Troy slam into me from behind and we barreled down a hill together. My laugh mixed loudly with his as I wrapped my legs around his waist, his arms threading under my arms to grasp at my shoulders as we rolled to a stop at the bottom of a grassy knoll. Winter wildflowers wilted in the chilly air of early spring, trees still didn't have their new buds.

"Caught ya." He breathed before his lips fell to mine. A low moan left my throat as I kissed him back with a passion I hoped would never ever leave us.

I pulled back, pressing my forehead to his as we stayed tangled up in one another in the grass. "Only because I let you." I giggled quietly.

He rolled his beautiful golden eyes and blew his hair out of his face. It had come undone from our run and tumble and I loved how the silky strands laid around us. I grasped a small lock between my fingers, caressing it.

"You didn't let me. You were lost in your memories." He said before pecking my lips and unwrapping us so we could lay side by side. He pulled me close to him and I laid my head on his chest, my hand coming across to grip him close to me.

I nodded and let the subject drop as Troy's hands started wandering over my body, lifting my tunic up over my hip and pulling me to straddle him. I smiled widely as I stared into his eyes, bent over him so my hair would curtain our faces from nature. Those beautiful golden orbs are full of love and affection for me, of all people, and I cherished every single time he looked at me. Every time he touched me, kissed me.

"I love you." I whispered before my lips touched his. "Always." I breathed as he pulled away to tell me he loved me. He pulled my lips back to him with a hand on the back of my head, effectively ending all conversation and play for quite some time.

 **The End**

 **This was never going to be very long any how and I hope I showed her struggle and her recovery well enough. I've never had personal experience with drugs but have seen it hurt many people.**

 **Remember, if you're having problems with an addiction, there's someone out there to help!**

 **Please review your thoughts on this and a potential outtake! Thanks to everyone of you!**


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